My PTSD Forum
We can chat a bit anonymously. This feels extra shameful, like therapist don't even want to hear about it. But I was physically and sexually abused by my mom. She was a stranger to me...possibly BPD or DID....never an obvious, nurturing Mom. She scared me more than anything in the world. I have had to work through loads of self hatred, body hatred, suicide attempts, trying to take care of myself but not believing I really have the right to exist. Also, I don't have any close...
I've been a member since my wife (of almost 12 years) had her first flashback in 2012, but this is my first time posting.
In the last few months her new memories have been dragging up child abuse of unfathomable depravity and at an increasing rate to the point where she has no time to recover from one to the next, and each seems to bring up something even more disturbing than the last. I can;t even comprehend some of the things that happened to her, but they just keep coming.
This happens in therapy...we are assuming a sort of stuck or "freeze" response....wanting to push away or shield myself, while simultaneously wanting to connect (confusion of abuse coming from primary caregiver). So we're trying to separate out these impulses so that I don't have to feel stuck with that shaking and stuck in general. I haven't gotten very far but that's basically what that's about. Not sure if anyone relates to that sort of body response.
But now sometimes my arm is shaking...
Well i made it. I did take your afvice and took one step at a time and went in to my first day at the partial hospital program. It was intense and hard and emtionally exhausting but i did it. I white knuckled my way thru my anxiety and panic and got thru the day and everyone seemed very supportive. I just need to meet with psych on monday to talk about meds... I think i need something..,
But thank you to everyone who replied to me... I needed all your words of help and encouragement!
I have a few questions from your own experiences:
(1) Has anyone done donation-based therapy or support groups with a $1-35 suggested donation? I can't afford to pay more that $1 (I could push to $5) because my resources are devoted elsewhere. I just feel badly about using a therapist without paying fully.
(2) Has anyone ever gone to a sexual assault survivor group when their sexual assault was "only" an attempted rape, not a completed rape or even a violent attack? I feel like I am...
Just wondered if other supporters experience this. The longer I am with my guy, the more 'rules' he seems to implement concerning what behaviour is acceptable in his house/presence. I understand that this is an attempt to control his environment to avoid things that make him anxious. He's explained this, and I can kind-of relate, as I have acted a bit like that at times in the past, when my anxiety was very bad.
Some of them are reasonable rules (e.g. don't drive any closer to the car in...
OK, this is probably going to sound really weird, but here goes. We've seen it all anyway, eh?
A couple of years ago my T did with me what she called a Centering exercise. We stood face to face and did a guided meditation for a few minutes, then she told me to look at her. Well, for one thing, my eye contact in therapy sucks, so this was a big deal all on its own. When I did look at her, I felt a wave of energy come from her heart, up out of her mouth, saw it cross the room, then it entered...
I am struggling with a strong, strong, strong attraction to a married man. Every time I am around him, I get calm, excited, happy, a little anxious, and just enjoy his company a ton.
Not that he's interested in me....but I feel like if he were to initiate anything, I'd cast my morals aside because I've never felt this attraction before to someone...and being around him makes me feel so much more alive.
Anyone experienced this? advice? help?
Please no condemnation...I didn't ask for this...
2 flashbacks this week. One is new, one is one that I get off and on. I went almost one month without flashbacks or nightmares. Why? When will these be over with?! Ugh, sorry guys I am just in a very sour mood. My migraines have upped their intensity again and apparently so has my PTSD.
The new flashback came after I got a call from a debt collector. He was pulling the threatening strings of "This will go to legal standing if you don't pay by Friday." My mind thought that meant going to...
Recently, my husband has been gone working more, and I feel more stressed in having to take care of our more difficult child. She is the age I was during abuse, and I love her so much. This is causing real stress for me.
I've noticed that during the day with all that I do, I start dissociating and suddenly feel like my hands are dirty. I just feel "dirty." And I can't recall washing up. I just cant' focus and remember if I washed them just now or not. Even from walking out of the restroom....
Or any movie that kinda portrays mental health, services or PTSD.
I have to say, I HATED Ordinary People. We were shown it in college and in the middle of it I left the room and ended up self-harming to the point that I found it difficult to walk for a few days. I know it is held up as a great mental health film but it really really negatively affected me.
I loved the end of Empire of the Sun, I teared up when I saw it at 16.
I also like Slumdog millionare and how he rises above his...
Everyone should be quite aware of the wonderful outcome recently achieved, reaching a US$3000 donation goal in just 5 days. This achievement allows us to prepay the server costs for an entire year. As a result of doing this, we also got a 10% discount, which Nicolette and I make-up the difference between the goal achieved and the actual cost approximately $3200. Basically, we got a month and a bit free by doing this.
With the server costs covered, we can now adequately maintain the other...
Today marks my 6th year anniversary since becoming a member here and I wanted to thank everyone from the members to the staff for being so supportive of my healing journey.
I remember how hard it was for me to write my introduction and to post my first threads. I would log out after posting and anytime I saw Anthony was on the site I would leave immediately for fear I had done something wrong. I feared public humiliation like the plague. I was so deeply afraid of being ostracized.
Okay, this is such a big big open question.
I'm always a bit embarrased to be up front and say to friends that I went to therapy not for depression, not for anxiety, not for an eating disorder but for trauma and self harm. That yes, trauma resulted in depressive and anxious symptoms which I thought were the problem. But after a few sessions I learned that my hunch was right all along, the main reason I was the way I was was because of the way I was treated as a child.
I always feel...
In some ways I really like them, but for other reasons - they really annoy and frustrate me, a lot.
Why I like them
It's nice to read someone elses experience
If you are trying to pluck up courage to see a T for the first time
They can make you hopeful
They make it easier for others to be open
Why they really annoy me
Bloggers who aren't trained professionals writing about something 'medical' that they do not know enough about outside their own experience
Bloggers going on like their...
Page 1 of 2