My PTSD Forum
Okay, sorry. Don't know where to put this, so "mods" please feel free to move. I have a very coda relationship with my mother who has ALZ/DEM and she is unable to advocate for herself. She is the source of my entire life's PTSD experience. I don't feel that I can sever this relationship as I am her comprehensive POA, but I am dying, stressing, freaking out. OMG. How do you deal with this? Boundaries work, references, whatever else would be welcome. Tks! VB
My case is on Wed and I am crash landing with stress. I have a way too full plate. I actually got sick for the first time in many years. On top of it my Mom is arriving on Thursday. My daughters car ot totaled and I need to deal with that. My T of 14 years informed me she is retiring. This all happening in the same week.
Ok so I feel like there is an avalanche of need to communicate all sorts of things that I have not been able to communiacte. And I feel so very very stuck each and every time I think that I want to start trying that I get stuck - frozen even. I am writing this in the hope that a very small start might lead to a little improvement here and there.
Anyone have any tips on what helped you get "unstuck" or started?
Thanks ever so much
Last night, I had this epiphany that hit me like a truck. I've known for a bit that the abuse I've endured for a long time has convinced me that I was "unworthy of love" if I messed up in any way. I was always striving for perfect and nothing less, and it crushed me when the PTSD and Depression started to prevent that from happening.
So this epiphany went back on the "unworthy of love" concept, of conditional worth. It's not just that I wasn't loved when I did something wrong - I was taught...
It doesn't seem as obvious as it did years ago. I eat pretty well and do basic things to take care of myself, so probably I haven't even recognized it really. But I have no problem burning the shit out of my arm. And now that I'm recognizing it, I realize how it's making everything else toxic. I feel like I hate my life, all the external stuff (I do in many ways, even knowing I got myself to where I am). But the bigger issue is hating myself, feeling like I'm not worth anyone's time, not...
I was sexually abused for about 5 years by my biological father. I was also neglected as I rarely has food and never balanced meals.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, OCPD.
I'm really struggling with my step son who lives with us and has for he past 6 years, he is 19 now. About a year and a half ago he started sneaking up being me and just standing there until I startled then he would just walk away. I'd inquire what his motive was and with a crooked grin he'd smirk, give a grunt...
I tripped, fell and hit my head. I got a huge bump on my head right after the incident happened. By the next morning, most of the fluid from the bump had gone down the side of my face. The next day I got a huge black eye, as most of the fluid from the wound had gone into the place right under my eye. It is embarrassing to walk around town with this black eye. I don't wear make-up at all and so I cannot cover it unless I buy some. Folks have told me not to bother and that I should not be...
So a quick explanation, I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome which I was diagnosed with after I was raped. I started bleeding every day and was so uncomfortable with anyone touching me I waited around 9 months wearing a sanitary towel every day to see a doctor. When I saw the doc I had an internal exam which at the time was so difficult. What I haven't mention was that when I had that exam I had amnesia and had no memory of my assault but the underlying fear was there.
Spring forward to...
I'm an extremely anxious, high-strung and hyper-analytical individual. I find myself constantly on the look out for rejection, criticism, displeasure, someone being "mad" at me, the fear I've done something wrong without knowing and so on. I hate being like this and wish I had a different brain.
As a result of these behaviors, I stick out like a sore thumb at work. I'm emotional, self-doubting and the term even-keeled doesn't even begin to enter the picture. I feel my PTSD has robbed me of...
I've done a bit of looking but when I look for information on coping skills for those who consider themselves "athletes" and dealing with PTSD or just mental illness in general I haven't found a lot of information. I'm even a member of a large forum of women who train for triathlons and whne I asked if anyone else dealt with this sort of thing I was greeted with crickets.
I know there are other runners and athletes and triathelets in this group. So I will bring my question here.
My husband knows I do write here. He does not feel comfortable with joining yet but asked me to ask a question on his behalf.
Did you ever feel afraid of not being able to protect your family if you loose your symptoms?
An example: I fed the baby, the spoon fell on the floor. I asked my husband to bring a new one. He noticed the drawer was a bit dirty, so he cleaned the spoon... and cleaned it again and again and again.
So he wants to get rid of that symptom but he feels like he needs it...
I wanted to thank this community for really helping me get through a rough few weeks. I am so much better now, but you all were amazing.
I was dating someone with PTSD who was transitioning out of the military, and seemed to be isolating. I had not known him that long but we had a lot of discussions about what he was going through. Then he practically dropped off the face of the earth, and his phone started having issues. I was very worried based on how he was acting, what he said triggered...
Last weekend I decided to go to the cinema with a few friends I have recently made. Therapy had been going well and I was slowly moving out of the bubble I had created. Beforehand I couldn't go tot the cinema as it scared me that I was stuck in a dark room with strangers. I went in with one of them as the rest stayed outside to buy popcorn and we were both happily chatting whilst waiting. Suddenly I look up and I see my abuser walk in....
All I remember is feeling fear spread throughout me...
I am in a bad place tonight. I am so tired of fighting so dang hard and things never getting better. Or if I do get a small break of peace, it only gets worse after it ends than it was before. I try so dang hard. I'm persistent in therapy, I'm trying to finish school, I'm trying to find a job. I NEED another service dog, but I can't afford one without a job. But I can't function enough to work more than a few hours. I try to find part time work- but I get turned down. My parents think I am...
I feel so lost and alone. I am not one to give up on hopes and dreams. For me that would equal giving up on life which I am not ready to do. I always feel like there is a giant chasm between me and happiness. It is blocking me from achieving goals and dreams and from having connection with other people who love and support me.
Every weekend and at night I get this overwhelming sense of doom and a massive amount of emotion that I'm holding back at all costs. It's only Friday and it's already...
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