My PTSD Forum
I think I saw my mom/abuser but it left me feeling like I was seeing an old person who merely resembles her.
Because I haven't had contact in 4 years, and because I'm having flashback of her abuse, it seems surreal. It's like seeing a ghost or imposter trying to look like her.
What is this feeling? It's a mixture of sadness, fear, disgust, pity, and I don't know what? It's like when a friend made fake throw up (sick) out of everything in the refrigerator and dumped it on me, and...
My therapist told me im working too hard in therapy and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's actually the second time she has brought it up and she made an effort to mention it again. She told me I am always working really hard on getting better and analyzing my thoughts and experiences which is good but that I may increase my stress level by doing this. She said it's really important that I accept the times I feel peaceful and not analyze it or read psychology or anything like that. I...
It seems I've gotten real stuck again the past few weeks. I wake up from nightmares with paralyzing trauma, then after several hours, I shut down, completely dissociation. I honestly don't know which is worse. They are both very painful and leave me feeling helpless.
i cant stop i know its wrong to think this way and i should be positive but i honestly feel so lost and alone.
i have such an amazing group of friends but i feel so worthless and detached and its eating me inside. even when im around them.
its a headache and my body feels heavy i want to live normally. but i just cant stop thinking negatively. help please.
like i'll be around my friends and be all happy and then all of a sudden i'll just randomly shut down and bring down everybody's mood....
I had an appointment with the division of vocational rehabilitation today. I was triggered beyond reason while there. I asked to do a phone meeting instead of in person so I could walk off the anxiety. This was denied. I was told I must go in person immediately or get no services, no rescheduling. I went. I couldn't stop shaking. I asked to be left alone for 5 minutes. I never got it. I kept crying and shaking.
I left. They just emailed me saying they closed my case. I broke the...
Okay, so it's been over four days...might as well say five since I've last eaten. The last thing I had was bbq pizza and hot wings. After I ate them I started to feel the way I did when I started eating to get my rapist cousin to see me as less desirable. I was always a really petite little girl, I've always been very short and didn't weigh much but after I started to get raped I starting eating to get fat in order to disgust my cousin that continued to rape me.
Eventually I started to...
So tomorrow is the day I've got a 100 mile drive for a work training session. It's probably twice as far again as I've ever driven in my eight years of driving, and on a motorway, which I've never driven on before.
It seems a stupid thing to get anxious about. I've done the journey as a passenger several times. I know its not difficult, I know in reality it's not even that far, but to me it seems like I'm tackling the impossible. Right now I'm doing the I'm not getting anxious because I'm...
This thread is a take off on my "Love is Dangerous" thread in which @FridayJones posted a reply stating that there are a number of different types of love and they aren't linear as many of us are lead to believe.
I found an article which discusses the 6 types of love according to the Ancient Greeks. I'll post the link and briefly mention each type.
6 Types of...
I have complex ptsd after a lifetime of abuse from birth with no 'before'.
I want to try somatic experiencing but cant find a therapist north of London!!
Does anyone know of a therapist in the North?
How does anyone fund therapy - if complex ptsd leaves you unable to work and earn how do you then pay for therapy?
best wishes x
I am really weepy emotionaly cracking and have been falling down for a while now. I have tried to combat the depretion from sucking me down but I am losing this fight horribly.
I went to dinner on Monday night with an aquaintance who mentioned a mutal aquaintance that has cancer and continued with empathy, sypathy and loads of concern. I freaking cracked. I went off at her and I said something I most likely should not have. To anyone that has faught cancer please don't take this...
I assumed I was "crazy" aka mentally ill for a while a couple years ago when the s hit the fan. I was told I was, after all, and treated for it - which did nothing for me, it certainly didn't improve my mood or attitude or outlook or resolve my deep despair and anguish over the situation.
And I deeply, deeply feared and resented "mental illness" as a diagnosis, as a label, as a concept, as an entity in my life I had to deal with. "Before" things were much simpler, i had no real awareness...
So I've been seeing my therapist for a really long time and I like her and trust her and everything, but I'm really really nervous to go see her this week. Last night I had a dream that she raped me. I don't know how to handle it. I'm not upset with her at all and I don't really feel like I trust her any less, but the idea of sitting in her office and her looking at me makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. I also don't know if I should bring it up with her. I'm just a mess right now. Any...
Ah, another chatroom induced poll.
Do you have a burning need to understand what you don't get? Do you put lots of research into understanding the mundane, the bizarre, and the not-necessarily-need-to-know things that come up in your life?
I start a new job in two hours and I have to leave for my college in 45 minutes, but I can barely get myself out of bed as I feel the incoming onslaught of a panic attack. I woke up under the overwhelming realization of the situation between my father and I. The part that tries to forget and continues in denial is temporarily broken and despite everything, my stupid heart still misses him. I still feel the sting and anger from my almost sister abandoning me and for some reason i still hate...
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