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Does PTSD Make A Person (Seem To Be) Uncaring?

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freya

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Thinking about PTSD... I'm just struggling to try to express some of my thoughts and questions, the things I'm wondering about...

My father has pTSD, and about a year ago I heard I have it, too.

Thinking, seeing the recent conflicts with my father, that PTSD maybe makes a person (seem) 'selfish'.
I hear that others think I don't care about them, they say I don't listen, don't take their feelings into account, and such things.
I know I felt about my father that he did not really hear or see me. He was too busy being defensive, being triggered, fighting off threats only he perceived, seeing me as hostile.

I know of a person whose mother probably has PTSD. She lost her first child and after that could never really care for the children she got later on. I think she was afraid to become attached to them, thinking she'd lose them too or something. She did not really hear them, did not see them, was not truly aware of their needs or their own individual traits.

My father and I are at the moment once again trapped in some sort of verbal battle. I think we are probably completely talking past one another, not hearing one another, not interpreting each others words right. Possibly focused on the ill intentions of the other person that may not even be there. I feel like I'm in total psychological confusion here at times.

Does PTSD make a person (seem) uncaring?

My thought is that because I'm not really in touch with reality, with the good intentions of the other person, or with the fact that I'm really safe, seeing threats that are really not there, I may simply be unable to 'connect' to the people I'm dealing with.
 
Interesting question......Makes me think back to when I was full blown PTSD. Yeah, I guess it does seem that way. We struggle so hard to keep ourselves from going over the deep end, that we may not be able to hear, or see others....Selfish???? At that point I don't think so, I think it's more on the lines of self preservation, trying to stay alive.

I think (through my own experience) than when 2 people that have PTSD are in a close relationship, it changes the dynamics of the relationship drastically....

The more that you work on your trauma, emotions, and feelings, the more you will see a change within yourself......
 
Yeah I think it does make us seem that way. My mom has complained about this to me on more than one occasion when nothing could be further from the truth. In fact sometimes my healing seems selfish to her cause I put all my energy into it and often have little or nothing left over for her and my dad. I try to do or say little things to reassure them now and it seems to be working. No complaints lately.
 
Yeah, some of us do appear quite cold, mechanical, or detached. I'm one of the least popular people here on the boards, for example, and partly because I just can't do the luvy duvy approach. Support I offer often appears stiff and forced--but that isn't the intent. Some people care, but it is from a floating distance. I am also guilty of not giving enough praise to those around me.
 
I've wondered about this for a long time. And I wonder if I seem uncaring, or if compared to other people, I really am uncaring. I see a world out there of people who seem to find it easy to connect and engage with each other, and I wonder how they do it, and why I have so much trouble with it. I think my biggest hope for recovery from this sh*t is that I'll be able care like normal people again. For now, that hope is what keeps me going with the work that seems to be required to get better.
 
Onee of the criterion areas for a PTSD diagnosis is avoidance and numbing, including:

5. Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others

6. Restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)​

So feeling and/or seeming detached or unemotional is typical. I know that was a major relief for me, realizing that there was a reason I felt and behaved this way.
 
I know that when people tell me about the problems they're having with this, that and the other, I go through the motions people would expect. I say "I'm sorry," I say all the right things, but on the inside I feel nothing.

I know it sounds bad, but that's how it goes. Not that I've told anybody IRL about it. I WANT to care, but I just have that block. Besides, what would I be able to do anyway? :dontknow:
 
I'm one of the least popular people here on the boards, for example, and partly because I just can't do the luvy duvy approach.

Midi, I think what is important is that you contribute honestly. Trying to win the popularity stakes is not one of my interests, rather I prefer to contribute my knowledge and experience with the intent of helping someone. I too come across as direct sometimes as I only have minimal time on the forum so tend to get down to business and not "fluff" around. While everyone here at some point needs support it is a community so different people contribute different things and as a whole it should balance out. Personally, I don't do luvy duvy stuff well with people I don't know. I think your contributions are good and what one person reads into the written word may differ to the next so I would tend to worry more about you healing your trauma and having a good life rather than being a popularity queen.
 
Simple answer is yes. Being preoccupied with trying to manage ourselves seems selfish or self centred to others.

The other part of this is that society is obsessed with not taking care of one's self. When you start to take care of yourself, all the unhealthy people start having fits. It upsets their unhealthy little bubble. Of course taking care of yourself must be balanced with others in your life too.

bec
 
Simple answer is yes. Being preoccupied with trying to manage ourselves seems selfish or self centred to others.

I totally agree with this. I would also like to add that for "an outsider" who does not understand how much energy PTSD takes it is easy to "view" someone as selfish. Why I say this is to an outsider it is difficult to rationalise or logically explain to ourselves why someone would have the need to invest so much in themselves while sometimes being oblivious to all those around them. Because it doesn't make sense to someone who is well we view it is selfishness as we only see the external reactions to the internal turmoil and pain.

Hope that makes sense...can't find the right words tonight.
 
I've been accused of being cold and unfeeling before because I won't do things or interact with people that are not good for me. My husband has told me that when I shut down (when stess levels are high) that he really hates it because I'm closing him out. I've heard different variations of the same song for a while now.

While not doing things or being around toxic people might be selfish...I won't stop that because it's good for me. The other stuff about how I shut people out and such...it's not deliberate. It's just part of the whole PTSD package. One of the reasons I work so hard to manage my stess levels is so that it doesn't affect my family as much as it could.

Bec's description of taking trying to be healthy and tae care of yourself flipping the unhealthy people out rings very true for me. There have been several people that either left me or I left them once I started my healing because they just couldn't handle that things weren't the status quo anymore.

For me, it's become a matter of being selfish enough to take care of myself and push forward on my healing and being considerate enough of those around me that I don't make it my full-time occupation and ignore them. It's quite the balancing act sometimes.

Lisa
 
As a carer, i can state that the outside world as well as those that are close to the sufferer do tend to view the sufferer as selfish and have no understanding. This is particularly true if the carer (s) are trying to take care of the responsibilities that would normally or had previously been taken care of by the sufferer. Examples would be if the sufferer can no longer hold a job and the carer is working extra hard to cover the expenses. or , in my case, if the childrens needs and housekeeping are not being met and the carer is doing this as well. The perceived selfishness of the sufferer causes the carer (s) to develop full blown resentment and to get angry at the sufferer. As the sufferer gets more defensive and retreats, the resentment grows even more. At some point, it all unwinds...I am not an expert, this is merely insight into my personal experience.
 
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