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How Do You Know If You Have Been Sexually Abused As A Child

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Nicolette,

I agree with the others that say don't push it or try to force yourself to remember. All that does is frustrate you and make you feel like you're failing to remember what you 'should'. If you do remember any sexual abuse, it will come to you in pieces at a time. It's almost like your brain gives you puzzle pieces and you have to put the puzzle together for yourself.

If it does come to you that you were sexually abused as a child, it might answer a lot of lingering questions that you have. At least that's been my experience. Suddenly things you do, say and think make so much more sense when viewed through a different set of circumstances.

Reading the title of your post was like a kick in the chest. I'm so sorry that this has intruded into your life. Especially at such a love-filled, happy time like this. I think the advice to not deal with this until after your wedding in a great one.

Hang tough, hon.

Lisa
 
Nicolette,

look after yourself with the wedding on the way and all that. I have repressed memories and am often triggered without any conscious memory of what it is that is triggering me.

My therapist has said that my goal should not be about forcing memory. I feel that if it comes it comes, if it doesn't - so what (in fact part of me doesn't want to know the details). Important thing is to deal with it therapeutically and get on with life and relationships, do no harm to others and live a fulfilling life.

Hey, that sounds good to me. Bring it on.

Best wishes,

dust
 
I don't have the 'pictures' yet....perhaps I never will.

All I know is that he was a woman hater ex-policeman who was angry at life and hated his prodigy with a passion and didn't pass up a chance to let us know. I do remember several violent beatings, beating my dog to death........evil in his vicious eyes.

Then, on his death bed he told me I alway was a good cock sucker.

When I was 27, my hips dropped. I had always looked like a boy.......I was devastated and it was the beginning of a downward spiral to a complete breakdown at 28........absolutely devastating. Then the constant bladder infections, anorexia, bulimia.....hating myself. Hating and fearing all men and then the hallucinations, insomnia, nightmares of claws on my hips..........

Obviously something happened and I COMPLETELY dissociated. I might never have the 'pictures'......but the aftermath is proof enough for me.

I could never have gone that crazy for so long, so frightenly unstable and angry if Daddy hadn't done something more to me than a few vicious beatings that I remember.

Hope you can sort things out. In my case, the evidence is enough to point to the crime.
 
I'm glad you asked this question here, Nicolette. Thank you. My sister and I have been wondering, as both our T's (and others, especially my husband) have strong suspicions that we were sexually abused as children. I came to the conclusion that I will probably never know, and I'm okay with that. It is good to read from others that not delving into is perhaps an appropriate course of action...or rather, inaction.
 
I came to the conclusion that I will probably never know, and I'm okay with that. It is good to read from others that not delving into is perhaps an appropriate course of action...or rather, inaction.

Mina,
I'm glad you wrote that, I thought I had to know what the missing years were about, so now I can let it go and do something for myself 'in the now,' rather than being stuck searching in the past, I feel a weight is lifted off me.

Thank you,
Heather
 
Thanks to everyone who contributed. I am very pleased to know that my sister has joined the forum. :thumbs-up
 
When I first began therapy, I held the memory of one abuse event of brutal sexual molestation. However, as the years in therapy went on, I discovered SA since the age of about 4, Abuse that went on for well over a decade, 16 different abuse perpetrators and almost every type of abuse. I remembered these things only after I had the safety and coping tools to deal with them. Until then, they remained buried in my mind and were simply blank spots in my memory. There are things I wish never had to be revealed to me, but what I don't remember, I don't have to deal with. I know enough about what happened, the damage, and how to move from being a victim to being a survivor to having a descent life and just being the best me I can be. Knowledge of the problem is definitely half the battle.
 
I'm starting to have doubts about certain things just from hearing this. Could it be that everyone here was sexually abused? ...I need to find an answer-what really happened back in the past...
 
veryone here was sexually abused?
Hi CBX :)

If you mean on the forum then the answer is no. There are many people on the forum who have combat PTSD, PTSD from car accidents or medical trauma, lots from physical abuse or domestic violence, emotional abuse and more. And there are a lot with sexual abuse or assault too.

I hope you find what happened for you. I too have memory gaps and it is hard.
 
Nicolette, I know this is an old thread but just wanted to say that sexual abuse is not always just physical too. You know that of course but I just wanted to validate that.

It seems you were exposed to things children should not be exposed to. Even without anything more physical that is sexual abuse.

I hope you and your sister are doing better with this. It's very hard to not know.
 
Could it be that everyone here was sexually abused?

As Abstract says, no. Loss of memories can occur with any kind of trauma. Unless you have particular reasons to think you might have been sexually abused then I wouldn't automatically suspect that's what happened.

Are you seeing a therapist? If you have memory gaps and doubts about the past, whatever might be the reason I think it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about it.
 
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