Arebas
Confident
I haven't been here for a really long time... I left my regular T for a trauma specialist and things have really changed for me. I'm in a much better place now. New T has earned my trust and has shown me such support that I've felt comfortable enough to let my guard down. I dissociate and I've also allowed some of the parts to contact her directly. Something I could never do with my previous T. But, the other day, I had a terrible nightmare and I woke up and a part that was really scared sent her an email explaining all she had dreamed.
When I read it in the morning, some parts of the nightmare were very obviously sexual references. It was mostly a bunch of weird men trying to force me to put snakes and fish into my mouth. That wasn't too subtle. So I go into the session feeling all embarrassed but my T, as usual, was caring and calm and she really wanted to comfort the part that had been so afraid of those images. So we discuss the nightmare and other nightmares I've had and I'm feeling good and I talk and talk and tell her a lot of things that scare me that I never gave much thought about cause, we all have nightmares and weird fears and stuff, right?
But then she says that some of those fears and weird things can be eased down with medication cause, in fact, not everybody has those fears and weird feelings. She says what i have is clearly complex trauma and PTSD but I do share a lot of symptoms with psychosis. She made a point of clarifying that I am not in any way psychotic, just, I have a few things that would benefit from psychosis medication.
That hit me hard.
Part of me thinks that it's great that I can just take a pill and get rid of a million very annoying things that have been making my life so difficult but other parts are terrified because that implies that there really is something very wrong with me. Not that I didn't realise that something wasn't right before, but... I don't know... it became really real for the first time.
And now I have to decide whether or not I want to give medication a try and I just can't even think about it without getting all messed up inside. And I'm stuck and I just can't figure out what I want, what I need, or what I should do. :unsure:
Have any of you been in this situation where you're offered medication as an option but completely up to you cause you can very well do without it? Does medication really help you?
When I read it in the morning, some parts of the nightmare were very obviously sexual references. It was mostly a bunch of weird men trying to force me to put snakes and fish into my mouth. That wasn't too subtle. So I go into the session feeling all embarrassed but my T, as usual, was caring and calm and she really wanted to comfort the part that had been so afraid of those images. So we discuss the nightmare and other nightmares I've had and I'm feeling good and I talk and talk and tell her a lot of things that scare me that I never gave much thought about cause, we all have nightmares and weird fears and stuff, right?
But then she says that some of those fears and weird things can be eased down with medication cause, in fact, not everybody has those fears and weird feelings. She says what i have is clearly complex trauma and PTSD but I do share a lot of symptoms with psychosis. She made a point of clarifying that I am not in any way psychotic, just, I have a few things that would benefit from psychosis medication.
That hit me hard.
Part of me thinks that it's great that I can just take a pill and get rid of a million very annoying things that have been making my life so difficult but other parts are terrified because that implies that there really is something very wrong with me. Not that I didn't realise that something wasn't right before, but... I don't know... it became really real for the first time.
And now I have to decide whether or not I want to give medication a try and I just can't even think about it without getting all messed up inside. And I'm stuck and I just can't figure out what I want, what I need, or what I should do. :unsure:
Have any of you been in this situation where you're offered medication as an option but completely up to you cause you can very well do without it? Does medication really help you?
I've just realised there is a whole thread for medication. Oy. Sorry. :(I haven't been here for a really long time... I left my regular T for a trauma specialist and things hav...
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