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Undiagnosed Someone please help me

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Tom889

I'm so sorry for taking up space on this page as I know there are many other people with bigger problems that need help but I have no where else to turn to. First of all this experience needs a little explaining, I was 13 years old when I had assumptions of my mum cheating on my dad. Little did I know what I would find out over the next year. Five days before the family Christmas party of 2007 my family had a small get together and by the end of the night my father (as per usual) was in bed drunk by 8pm as per, my sister (11) and my brother (9) had been sat downstairs playing games with my mum and my half brother (fathers side) as we suddenly got rushed up to bed. 30 minutes after being unable to sleep I decided to climb off my roof and sneak out and meet my friends as I usually did. Something that night told me to turn back half way down my road and as I did I saw through my lounge window my mum having an affair with my half brother (dads son from a previous marriage) as I was young and didn't know what to do in that position I kept it from my dad, and tried to deal with everything myself. I've just turned 24, and I can't go to the doctors to ask for help as they are good friend of my dads. I have recently gone traveling with my girlfriend hoping everything in my head would get better, I'm realising I can't run away from my problems, that they will always be there no matter how far I run. Telling my dad is not an option as he is a emotionally unstable and I could see him ending his life after finding out the truth, being cheated on as his ex-wife did with his best friend to him and ruined his life, he's not been the same since. I'm backed in to a corner by an in-emotionally available father and a guilt tripping mother. Not to mention I spent the next 6 years of my life working for my f@cking c@nt of a half brother and I feel like I could kill him with no remorse nor guilt. My family have no idea, I'm the stone holding my family together and none of them would survive what I have been through but I feel worthless and completely misunderstood, I have no one to talk to, I have no where else to turn to. I need help as I feel like I'm a ticking time-bomb and I can't speak to my family or girlfriend. Somebody please help me I don't think I can live like this any longer
 
Please don't be sorry for taking up space, I feel your pain, I can empathize with you, if you read this please know there are people out there that care, good people. I have found that talking to people like you are doing is the right step, of course I have many issues myself, and that's why I started coming here for real help...Just keep coming here and talking, I am doing the same, I think anyone that holds a family together should be commended. I myself help to hold my family together with the support of a very mentally strong mother, and it gets hard on all of us.. Believe me its hard...Know that you are taking the right steps, do something good for yourself..and keep talking...I hope this helps you a little. take care of yourself, its very hard to do I am struggling with helping myself.
 
Are you f*cking with me? I came to this site for help not to be told I'm an adult to leave their business to their buisness. I was 12 when I witnessed my own mum f*cking my half brother. I haven't mentally aged since and I'm lost. There's a lot more going on than I can type. This is controlled the outcome of my life. I have been unable to live my life from a young age. I don't think you should be a member on this site for vulnerable people.
 
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Why can't you talk to your girlfriend? Since you're an adult, can you just leave their business as t...
And my (new) girlfriend has a lot of her own problems to deal with, I'm too scared of scaring her off to put all of this on her. You genuenly shouldn't be a member on this site.

Thank you so much matteo for your reply, I'm genuenly crying with happiness for the first time in over 10 years. I never expected a response to hit me emotionally like that thank you so much I can't explain in words... can i PM you?
 
Not to mention I spent the next 6 years of my life working for my f@cking c@nt of a half brother and I feel like I could kill him with no remorse nor guilt

If your half brother was a child/teen, you do realize you witnessed him being sexually assaulted? He wasn't having an affair with your mother. She was molesting him.

As a child yourself, it would be perfectly natural for you to blame the other child involved, and not your mom... But now as an adult yourself? How old was your half brother? How old was your mom?
 
Please seek counseling for your distress and how understandably upsetting this is for you. You deserve support. I know it feels like you have been backed into a corner but as an adult you have options to get help.

If you have cause to believe your father is in danger of ending his life, depending what country you are in, you can call a suicide crisis hotline and they can provide support and help you to sort that out.
 
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4 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD after failing my exgirlfriends suicide attempts multiple times and for a forum for vulnerable persons, not many of you are acting like you can speak to one nor are one? My half brother was 32 years old so I hardly call it child abuse or sexual assault, I feel like a f*cking victim on this forum. Thanks matteo for your response it actually helped me. There is so much more that nobody will understand other than he people thY had been in my position. I came here for help not to be asked why I'm here in the first place, isn't it obvious? The same reason 99% of us are here in the first place. Some of you need to seriously de-activate your accounts.
 
I don't need a "your father needs suicide help" comment I'm trying to f*cking protect him and the rest of my family that don't understand what I'm going through.
 
I didn't mean my reply to be offensive to you. I asked questions to understand your reasoning behind getting involved and not sharing with your gf. We got off on the wrong foot apparently...
 
Sorry vixen I didn't understand your comment properly, I'm involved because I'm the witness to the whole ordeal and the only person that was forced by my mum and half brother to keep it secret from such a young age. It's my business because it's shaped my life and who I am as a person.
 
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