Well done, coming here and talking about it. That can be really difficult and scary.
People think that PTSD is like a cut, but it's more like a bacterial infection.
Trauma is like a cut. It opens you up, and it hurts, and it can be bad for you. Some cuts get infected: bacteria get inside you and multiply. PTSD is like a bacterial infection - it gets into you and grows. The size of a cut is not a great way of assessing bacterial infection. The drama of the trauma is not a great way of assessing PTSD.
Talking about your feelings is like opening up the cut and washing it out. It can hurt like hell. It's not the best thing to do if you're in danger of bleeding out and you need to stay mobile. But if an infection is brewing, you either do it, or you just keep getting worse.
This is one of THE best descriptions of PTSD I have ever seen/heard!! This explains why so many (vets especially) seem to take years to realize they have an issue. I will use this analogy often! The one other thing I've been told that helps me quite a bit is quite simple. Soldiers get wound VERY tight in tough situations. Some just don't unwind easily and respond to situations from that tightly wound up state. Getting help to unwind is necessary.
Believe it or not that is a pretty common feeling among combat vets. I felt like 'PTSD fraud' for years. Its odd that PTSD can make you think that you aren't worthy of having PTSD but there it is.
I've gone 18 years and just now beginning my journey with VA to get the help I need. Between comparing our traumas to other soldiers, plain out soldiering on, or just not believing it's possible to have a "problem" we just ignore it. I've found my symptoms are getting worse from ignoring it and it's time to start doing what I can to control those symptoms again. It's great you're here and even better that you're taking some steps to get some help.