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Deleted member 44394
My goal in this thread is to make it a big deal - but there are some things I need to work out or talk about, there are serious things bothering me that won't go away. I'm going to do my best to be honest, directly concise and simple as well as accurate. So that I can be helped.
I'm not happy. It's been a long time since I've ever been happy, really ever since I was 13 which is most of my adult life. There are a lot of factors, a lot of things happening and going on, and it's hard to figure out just what's going on. I think I've narrowed it down however to a few key issues. I have some key issues like emotion regulation, extreme thoughts and moods that fluctuate constantly more than average or normal. I've had this ever since I was a teenager and I went through this depression.
This is what I've suspected for a long time and it keeps coming back to me over again for many, many years - I can't say for sure but I think the big, or one of the big reasons for my unhappiness, is the materialism of American modern life. I think that's it along with individualism. See, to me I was raised up to be happier talking with people openly, not a 'me' centered attitude or approach to life, but selfless, giving...and a much more spiritual view (in the Greek sense of soul/body division) of life or a clear distinction between the spiritual and material things. This is what I think. I'm not certain - but I have traveled and lived in many other countries and I can say for certain; that I felt more at home, like I belonged there, more happiness...friendships, love, and family living was better when I lived overseas in places like Turkey, Italy or even Germany for example. This has always bothered me, and always American life has always depressed me and made me feel lonely, sad and frustrated and confused; I feel insecure also because of want of material things and feeling of separation/ competition.
I'm not bashing America. I'm simply pointing out to things that I think made and make a huge difference for me, that are sometimes often not addressed as underlying causes - while things like Emotion dysregulation, depression, anxiety often are; and quite possibly could be caused by those factors I mentioned.
I can make it here, I just feel I'm struggling and I'm never happy. And I'm always alone. I don't have a group here that I do things with either, at all. I just work and come home, and spend time with family. Family is what saves me. I just feel lonely and miserable.
I've tried to make it here, but I think I will always feel this way unless I do something about it. Or, I feel I have to get used to it. I don't have a good job situation right now, or situation in general. I'm not sure and that's not helping. I want a good career with upward management, friends..decent income, a relationship; you know all of the usual things that someone would want. My problems with people, arguments and blowing up, depression; and the emotionally unregulated self that I have make that damn impossible. I feel alienated and alone most of the time, and unconfident. I don't know if that's the depression speaking, or is it
I've never liked American society deep down, and I've always sort of hated it and never felt that I fit in, I felt that you have to act a certain way all of the time and that's exhausting and fruitless; even as a young man I felt this and no one had to tell me about it.
When I think about it I know moving overseas would help out my problem(s) greatly. Because I moved there before and it did help, according to my memory of it. It helped a lot. I felt much better, much more alive and like I was enjoying life...connecting with others, having fun and not trapped inside some materialistic individualist box, suffering and acting all the time.
I'm sorry if that offends someone, but I had to tell the truth; and it is the truth. Americans for the most part spend their lives in a materialistic treadmill of work and buying things. It's always deep down very lonely so we try to distance ourselves or watch tv, etc. But it never goes away it's like an ache. It seems like a rat race, to me.
Maybe I'm not thinking right or I could be full of it, maybe I'm just stinking in my attitude but I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to see things as accurately as possible.
What do you guys think? What should I do about my problems. The depression, I'm taking Lexapro 10mg right now and just started 3 days ago; hopefully that helps the other problems, like emotional regulation too.
I just don't think life is supposed to be spent being miserable and chasing material gain that never manifests; and when it does leaves you lonelier and more isolated than before. It seems like some scam. Ideally, I'd want to live and work and have a community and a family life balance. I feel that moving overseas would be the best for me, I really do deep down inside my heart. I just know that.
Maybe until that I could make it here, any suggestions for me?
Thanks and thank you for reading.
I'm not happy. It's been a long time since I've ever been happy, really ever since I was 13 which is most of my adult life. There are a lot of factors, a lot of things happening and going on, and it's hard to figure out just what's going on. I think I've narrowed it down however to a few key issues. I have some key issues like emotion regulation, extreme thoughts and moods that fluctuate constantly more than average or normal. I've had this ever since I was a teenager and I went through this depression.
This is what I've suspected for a long time and it keeps coming back to me over again for many, many years - I can't say for sure but I think the big, or one of the big reasons for my unhappiness, is the materialism of American modern life. I think that's it along with individualism. See, to me I was raised up to be happier talking with people openly, not a 'me' centered attitude or approach to life, but selfless, giving...and a much more spiritual view (in the Greek sense of soul/body division) of life or a clear distinction between the spiritual and material things. This is what I think. I'm not certain - but I have traveled and lived in many other countries and I can say for certain; that I felt more at home, like I belonged there, more happiness...friendships, love, and family living was better when I lived overseas in places like Turkey, Italy or even Germany for example. This has always bothered me, and always American life has always depressed me and made me feel lonely, sad and frustrated and confused; I feel insecure also because of want of material things and feeling of separation/ competition.
I'm not bashing America. I'm simply pointing out to things that I think made and make a huge difference for me, that are sometimes often not addressed as underlying causes - while things like Emotion dysregulation, depression, anxiety often are; and quite possibly could be caused by those factors I mentioned.
I can make it here, I just feel I'm struggling and I'm never happy. And I'm always alone. I don't have a group here that I do things with either, at all. I just work and come home, and spend time with family. Family is what saves me. I just feel lonely and miserable.
I've tried to make it here, but I think I will always feel this way unless I do something about it. Or, I feel I have to get used to it. I don't have a good job situation right now, or situation in general. I'm not sure and that's not helping. I want a good career with upward management, friends..decent income, a relationship; you know all of the usual things that someone would want. My problems with people, arguments and blowing up, depression; and the emotionally unregulated self that I have make that damn impossible. I feel alienated and alone most of the time, and unconfident. I don't know if that's the depression speaking, or is it
I've never liked American society deep down, and I've always sort of hated it and never felt that I fit in, I felt that you have to act a certain way all of the time and that's exhausting and fruitless; even as a young man I felt this and no one had to tell me about it.
When I think about it I know moving overseas would help out my problem(s) greatly. Because I moved there before and it did help, according to my memory of it. It helped a lot. I felt much better, much more alive and like I was enjoying life...connecting with others, having fun and not trapped inside some materialistic individualist box, suffering and acting all the time.
I'm sorry if that offends someone, but I had to tell the truth; and it is the truth. Americans for the most part spend their lives in a materialistic treadmill of work and buying things. It's always deep down very lonely so we try to distance ourselves or watch tv, etc. But it never goes away it's like an ache. It seems like a rat race, to me.
Maybe I'm not thinking right or I could be full of it, maybe I'm just stinking in my attitude but I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to see things as accurately as possible.
What do you guys think? What should I do about my problems. The depression, I'm taking Lexapro 10mg right now and just started 3 days ago; hopefully that helps the other problems, like emotional regulation too.
I just don't think life is supposed to be spent being miserable and chasing material gain that never manifests; and when it does leaves you lonelier and more isolated than before. It seems like some scam. Ideally, I'd want to live and work and have a community and a family life balance. I feel that moving overseas would be the best for me, I really do deep down inside my heart. I just know that.
Maybe until that I could make it here, any suggestions for me?
Thanks and thank you for reading.
not* for the first sentence.My goal in this thread is to make it a big deal - but there are some things I need to work out or talk ab...
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