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Short Term Disability & Long Term Disability

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I live in Canada and have been on disability since I was about 20 or 21. I tried to go to college straight out of high school for 10 months. I managed to complete the program, but towards the end I couldn't function to complete the practicum to get the certificate, not getting a job in what I went to school for.

While being on disability, I also worked for a few months cleaning at a resort and cleaning two small offices that was arranged through a program for people with mental health issues, but the pay was quite low and I ended up getting too sick to keep doing that.

It took me several years to find something I felt I could do, which is working from home a few hours a week and still being on disability. It gives me something to keep me busy, but I would like nothing more than to one day be able to work outside of the home and get off of disability. While it is good to have a safety net, it can also make you feel inadequate, even if you've never really had a 'real' job before.
 
My husband and I discussed it this morning. We have decided that I need to apply for SSD. I am worried that because I am not hospitalized at this point that I won't get it. I have been hospitalized in the past however and show a history of suicide attempts beginning at age 10. The other thing is that my T has not written a formal PTSD diagnosis as neither one of us wanted me to be labeled. I am going to discuss this with him at my session tonight.

Work has been one of the positives in my life. I poured myself into being successful in sales. I am worried that without it I will slip further into my symptoms, but I just can't seem to pull it together enough to work consistantly right now. And in sales, if you are not consistant in your activity, you don't make it. Right now I can honestly say that I am "playing" at working. I can say I have a business which protects my ego, but I am not making any money which is adding to my stress. God I feel like a failure.
 
Hi Iam,

You are not alone in feeling like a failure. Work has always been my "drug" of choice, but know I really am more of a liability. My paperwork came yesterday and I am going to complete it. I figure that by getting better, I can be more of an asset in the future.

Intothelight
 
Good for you Light! You need to focus on yourself for awhile.

My T told me he didn't think I should apply for disability. He said given my work history, social and communication skills that it would be really hard for me to qualify. He was also concerned about how it would affect future employment opportunities. When I told my husband he told me to quit working and take the rest of the year off. He knows I am burned out on high pressure sales so suggested that I find a low pressure job that I would like next year. WOW! I am so looking forward to being a housewife for the next few months! It will give me time to get my home back in order and work on myself too.
 
I was just denied my STD benefits. They said that the documentation didn't support the claim. I absolutely lost it when I found out. I will be appealing the decision but of course I found out after they were closed for the weekend so now I get to stew on this all weekend and worry about how the bills will get paid in the meantime. My branch manager called me to tell me... I didn't even receive notice from the insurance company. All the manager wanted to know was if I'd be in on Monday or not :`(
 
I was just denied my STD benefits. They said that the documentation didn't support the claim. I absolutely lost it when I found out. I will be appealing the decision but of course I found out after they were closed for the weekend so now I get to stew on this all weekend and worry about how the bills will get paid in the meantime. My branch manager called me to tell me... I didn't even receive notice from the insurance company. All the manager wanted to know was if I'd be in on Monday or not :`(

Hi, I just wanted to give a wish of hope. You sound very upset. Hang in there. I have a friend who had to hire a lawyer and then she got it right away, really! And now there are lots of places that do it on contingency.....You probably know many people are denied lst time.

I want to share that for me the key was probably being able to be very expressive. Connect the dots of my past for the readers of the application..... I had a doctor who knew me well and knew the system so, knew how to say what needed to be said probably in a "more bureaucratically" acceptable way. Also, I found that I did not hold back at all because I was so sick and tired of keeping things quiet AND that I had to disclose so much to strangers. My brother wrote the third piece and I knew he would tell the truth in a WAY that would not be easily dismissed. Minimization was not a part of my application process ( -- though it was part of most of life!)

My doctor had told me it was almost like an insurance game. Using the right word at time could make a difference. Federal policy denies applicants like an insurance company if there is any basis for denial. My doctor did not coach me. Honestly, I had learned so much about ptsd and myself that my application was very specific and blunt....and emotional, too.

The last page for my application I wrote was to the readers of how awful it was to make people have to go through so much to get disability with the fact of so many lst time rejections ....I didn't know that page was for additional job/medical info! Again, hang in there.
 
Hi Iam,

You are not alone in feeling like a failure. Work has always been my "drug" of choice, but know I really am more of a liability. My paperwork came yesterday and I am going to complete it. I figure that by getting better, I can be more of an asset in the future.

Intothelight

Thank you for starting this topic. A big one I've found in my life.

I too was surprised to find other people hit a wall w/ ptsd in terms of functioning at work and in life. Now I can say it is a fact. And in hindsight it's almost inevitable that it catches us with people who have had severe ptsd. The only other major solution to hitting bottom and working recovery; I've found in living is isolating and becoming a recluse. So, eventually I have found people working in the world get enough "hits" that ptsd symptoms can no longer be controlled by self. Since I got disability I have met a few people where it was the death of a loved one, as in my case, or something where they could no longer use coping -- healthy or non healthy -- skills to prosper or to get by.

For me I wish that I had done it earlier. Work was not my drug; but I kept hoping that I would be able to define myself by finding a fitting career so, it was a fixer goal and it consumed so much of my life that I had to ignore how I was not coping well. I never thought I would do disability or that I would be on it for longer than a year. Now I am putting the time I'm on disability in God's hands. I do work on projects, etc.; my meaning of work has changed.

I have to remind myself, as I am doing writing this to you, that this IS my job, really. And people who have known well can see the difference. All the work that I did before disability was good but it seems that I was too exhaused and afraid to get better. Yes, for me sometimes I miss the consuming nature of work with the social interactions, etc. ; more money; and sense of contributing to world. I am now trying to commit to part time work but for me my lst job will always be staying healthy.
 
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