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How Crowds Can Bother Us?

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LeoTheLion

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I was reading one of articles by Anthony [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/carer-family-information/common-issues-and-suggestions.html"]"Common Issues and Suggestions"[/DLMURL] and it even mentions about PTSD people's behavior with socialising in crowds. I think it is under Number 2.. I am copying and posting in here..

Issue #2: Social situations can be very stressful for people with PTSD, as groups or crowds can be threatening and anxiety provoking.

What I would like to know and maybe you can help me understand is how groups or crowds can be threatening for people with PTSD and stressful for us? I do find it very stressful but can't figure why until I saw this. Now I would like to bring it up for discussion. Anyone can help?
 
Any time I am in a crowd, I am reminded of working farm jobs as a kid. You had to keep an eye on every animal that could hurt you, and when there were several in the pen with you, you had to watch them all, all the time. Crowds are like that for me, I just don't like the feeling that I can't be aware of all the potentials for injury or worse and go into survival mode.

Believe me, even in a movie theater in the dark, I can tell you which door the last person that left used, where the last person that came in sat down.

If I am in a moving crowd, like a large line leaving a stadium or worse a large line waiting to get into a concert, I will be at one edge of the crowd with an eye on all the escape routes and places to dive out of the flow if necessary.

I am unfortunately aware of the fact that all it takes is two guys that accidentally trip over each other and then blame the other guy for the accident, a push, a shove, a woman raises her voice and the crowds adrenaline level triples in a split second.

Crowds suck, I would rather be back in a pen with the animals anyday.
 
For those whose PTSD is the result of a perpetrator's behavior, it makes a lot of sense. Hypervigilance is exhausting. The more people you have to monitor for potential harm to yourself, the higher the cognitive toll. Several times when a friend has turned to face me in a crowd and approached to give me a hug, I've backed away in terror and thought I was about get hit across the face. It's pretty specific visually (most hug approaches don't frighten me at all), so I'm sure it's reflective of what used to happen to me as a child. Like the feeling of being unnoticed/invisible/'safe' to then being sighted/'targeted'. Not sure about other types of trauma though.
 
I went into NYC back in November and I HATED EVERY MOMENT OF IT it was not fun. Everything about it bothered me, the traffic, the noise, the mass amounts of people.....it was sensory overload. It was just way too much.
 
I've found that forcing myself to NOT do the face-surfing thing helps. Just look at the people/reason I'm there.

So many faces are hostile, and as someone who reads neutral faces as hostile...not a good strategy.
 
It is not the people that bother me, my trauma was not person related.

BUT I hate crowds. I am enclosed, I can't see around me (5ft 2in tall), I lose sight of people I'm with. I feel trapped, no way of escape and v alone.

Luckily living in a rural area, I can avoidthem
 
I feel closed up near people, knowing how it affected me in the past how nobody supported or believed in me. Doesn't help how some undermined me and make me thing/feel as if I was crazy on purpose.
 
Here is an analogy that shows what it's like for me. You know the weight bars you use at the gym? For me, being alone is like lifting an empty bar--it's easy. For every person in the room with me, add ten pounds. Their presence feels like a mild threat. For every person within arm's reach, add 25 pounds--a stronger threat. For every person who bumps into me, add 50 pounds--I feel immediately threatened. I try to look 'normal' and not show how hard it is and how tired I am, but it's exhausting to be in a crowd.
 
It's because we've been taught to fear strangers. For normal people, imagine that you're walking through an entire city filled with violent felons, all of whom may have weapons and turn on you for no reason at any time. How much would you enjoy that? Yeah.

It's amazing my husband and I are able to go out and do all the things we do, with the constant hyper-vigilance. That we can go out and face down the streets of London and Washington so bravely most of the time. But, at least in my case, I feel unsafe at home as well, so I don't get much relief no matter what.
 
Kers made an excellent analogy! That is exactly how I feel in a crowd. It is amazing that I lasted as long as I did with so many visits to Disney Land! That was torture! My husband never understood why.......
 
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