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Control Issues?

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Philippa

MyPTSD Pro
I'm just wondering if others here have noticed any need to control being heightened, as in, feeling the need to control people or even inanimate objects...like the printer that didn't work for me yesterday and I kept yelling at it!

I'm not sure if this is something that is due to trauma or if I am just a control freak?

I've always prided myself on being the sort of person that doesn't want to be controlled or control anyone else, but I've noticed in my external reality I seem to attract controlling people and, recently on the other forum I frequent I started a thread about communicating open and honestly with my father about some issues that have come up for me.

Some people there gave their two cents worth and basically said that their truth is they have no boundaries because nothing can harm them emotionally. I'm learning to stand up for myself and place boundaries, which I think is healthy but I am having these people impose their version of the truth on me, and when I reject it I get accused of having control issues or get asked "why do you feel the need to control everything around you?"

I suppose it's hard to convey on a screen without giving the context or the exact post interactions, but it has made me wonder whether I am acting in a controlling manner lately, and if it is because of the sexual assault and the trauma?

Can anyone offer some light here?
 
I think because so much control is taken away by the event (s) that caused the ptsd the brain searches to control it's environment to make up for this.

I've made small progress with all this.

I can leave most things alone (as long as I'm in a state).

But no one lays a finger on my laptop.
 
haha. Yes, I was able to think on the way home from work "if I want to not be controlled and do what I want, why not let the printer do what it wants too" which felt more freeing, and I felt happier. I know I can't control anyone or anything really...and printers pretty much live to annoy us, it's universal in the workplace.
 
See I know I can't truly control the laptop but as odd as this sounds controlling who is allowed to touch it is soothing.

It may crash and burn one of these days with all I put it threw but dang it! I will be the one to wear it out not someone else!
 
If I ask a person to not impose their version of reality on me though, is that the same as feeling threatened by their version and feeling the need to stick up for my version? This is what this person suggested to me, and I'm not really sure if this is what is happening or if that's just his opinion about what is happening? Sometimes it is hard to know how much to take on from others.

I don't want to be totally dismissive of someone elses perspective, but I find myself quite reactive when someone lectures me or tells me that my feelings aren't important, which this guy said. He said that he thinks his feelings are unimportant, and that most people just clutter their minds with emotions.

I can see his point, but I also think that my feelings are important, which I said, and asked him not to impose his version of reality on me as though it is THE truth...and then this other guy who agreed with him jumped in and said that I have a need to control everything around me and everyone. I'm just not sure if this qualifies?
 
I don't think your trying to control there. You were asking that he validate your point of view as he was asking you to validate his. A point of view is an opinion and nothing more. But even so every one has a right to their own point of view and feelings.
 
Wow, "clutter our minds with emotions" - and here I thought most of my problem dealing with PTSD came from holding down and ignoring emotions I should be dealing with and acknowledging. I don't see how they just go away any other way.
I've had to set boundaries on this journey so others wouldn't run over me, out of my being too "nice" to set them. I think there's a time and place for boundaries. People do hurt us emotionally (and physically for that matter, if we let them).
I think you'll figure out in time what it's healthy and worthwhile to control and what it's not. Some things might just feel good to you to control right now and sometime in the future you won't need to anymore.
I think most people have a basic urge to at least have the illusion of control. My T has suggested something for me to do as a way to "take control of what happened." It was something that could have helped me to feel in charge again and doing something positive and active.
 
Great topic!

I think when one is abused, the lack of control is one part that gets ingrained, and feeling out of control is frightening. (Or in my case scary as Hell). I find my need to control things around me increases as my stress level increases. When big things in life happen, that I have no control over, I over focus on the little things. Its usually when I lose perceived control over something little the melt down begins.

I guess I equivocate control with security. I know I definitely need work in this area.
 
hey my biggest accomplishment in this area is letting people help me. I use to refuse help from anyone. By doing everything for myself at all times I controlled what happened to me. Unfortunately it those few friends I had at an arms distance. I wouldn't take any form of med because I was determined to do it myself. (I was really stubborn) But now more often then not if someone offers to help with something I just say thank you and accept the help. I'm learning that just because someone helps doesn't mean they are going to try to take over anything.


And as I said I have my lap top. It's my one item. It does help to find one thing that is just yours to control. It takes so much stress off of other things. And the knowledge that it is there and you are the only one with any say over it is a help for me.


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