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MVA Fatal Car Accident Survivors. Life Change?

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x3priincess

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In Dec 08 I was a passenger in a friend's car. I was 18. I cant remember exactly, but I think it was a clear, maybe sunny day. It wasn't snowing, streets were dry; maybe old snow from past snowfalls.

Anyways, I remember leaving the mall, around 11:00 in the morning, got into the car and we started heading home. Then I opened my eyes and seen several dark heads over me, like standing around me, yelling. I swear I thought I was dreaming. So confused..

I opened my eyes again sometime later and was on some mat at a hospital. Again I opened my eyes, I seen the blue sky, and a lady says "we'll be there in 20 mins". I was on a helicopter. I've never even been on a plane before. Then I remember being at the other hospital all of a sudden, and doctors putting a face mask on telling me to count back from 30.

Thats all I pretty much remember from that day.

The car I was in was hit head first on my side door by another driver who past their red light as I was continuing with traffic through my green. Our car rolled and I ejected threw the sunroof. I shattered my whole left skull.

I can go into detail but it makes me SICK to my stomach when I even think about it even though I live with it in mind every second of everyday. I can start talking about it but after a minute or so, my stomach turns and I stop before I become upset.

But I was wondering if anyone else had an experience like this, and how to live with the experience.

My family understands but then doesn't at the same time. Life took a whole 360 for me, positive and negative, but no one really understands what I really went through during and after the accident. I have not yet had one night where I have not thought about that accident.

The first 24 hours of this experience is something I could never really describe. Its not just getting hurt or the pain, its what I went through; laying there getting worked on, moved, touched, needles everywhere, tubes, all so fast. It was a nightmare.
 
[DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/x3priincess.12725/"]x3priincess[/DLMURL]. You are reliving your trauma, which is normal. Do you have a therapist? If not find one, that specialises in Trauma.
We (PTSD patients), play over the scenes again and again, like a movie.
These things happened and you are unlikely to forget them, but you need to get your brain to understand that it is not happening now. You are safe. What happened was awful. Life changing because you will see life differently to others. That is the PTSD too. It changes your outlook on life.
Good luck on your path to recovery :)
 
Been there, friend. I get it. My father in particular, maybe because he disapproved of the friends I was with at the time of my first and worste accident, maybe because he did and still does think of himself as a perfect driver with great pride in his safe record and high skill level, never even tried to understand my fears and was openly angry with me when I was on edge in a vehichle even when HE was driving.

I still have thoughts of the accident, I actually have thoughts of several accidents I have survived on public roads and on tracks and off road, some my fault some not, and the memories of countless car accidents I responded to as a firefighter/EMT.

You survived. Beats the alternative. Now you have a choice to make- deal with it on your own like I did ( very poorly) or get the help that is available to you. How sad would it be to still be as torn up by this event ten or twenty years from now as you are right now? Or 35, like me?

I understand the fealing of imminent death without heroic measures, of lieing quietly while the surgeons and anesthesioligists do their work like lawyers and jurors at your death sentence trial, I get the idea that the pain is not the worst part, sometimes not even a part of the emotions. I can only describe it as bone crushing- the sound of a bone breaking is accompanied by the fear of how bad this is going to be, how long this is going to affect you, fear that you may never be the same, the knowledge that you aren't going to fix this yourself or even get to help by yourself, you are helpless and will be for a period of time yet to be determined, and somewhere, way down the list, is the pain. I don't even remember the pain, I cannot forget the fear.
 
(((x3priincess))), Welcome to the forum and well done writing about your experience.

My crash is coming up to my second anniversary. Looking back on the past 2 years, I am now a completely different person. The accident changed my life. I can't remember much of that day, I can't remember the impact.

The first 24 hours of this experience is something I could never really describe. Its not just getting hurt or the pain, its what I went through; laying there getting worked on, moved, touched, needles everywhere, tubes, all so fast.

For me, it was as if I'd been switched off. All that stuff was happening, but it wasn't happening to me.

It has taken a lot of hard therapy, medication, coping techniques and a whole host of other stuff, but I am now back driving. Some routes I still won't do, I won't drive into our nearest city. I am very wary of driving but I do it.

Some days are still bad, I am still in a lot of physical pain but I can look back and see a big improvement.
IMHO, if you don't have a therapist, find one who specialises in trauma/PTSD.

Wishing you peace
KP
 
I get nervous the most when coming up /going thru an intersection, and when cars are trying to pull out into the lane. There are so many terrible drivers and its the people around me I'm more scared of than myself driving.

My bestfriend seems to understand somewhat the most. My family that "gets it", I think they're just more irritated with me than anything.

No matter what, I can't turn the anxiety off. Even when I know I'm safe, its just there;
but I'm dealing with it more better.
 
It is the hyper vigilance. My poor H, he went through at least 18 months of, 'watch that car/truck' or 'he isn't going to stop' or 'he is coming onto our lane' or well you get the idea. He was so good with me, athough I'm sure at times he just wanted to shout at me to shut up as he was the driver not me. I am better although sometimes when he is driving I close my eyes. I trust him unconditionally not to put me in harms way and so I am at the stage where I let him get on with it.

It was exausting for me to be on high alert the whole time and it crept into other areas of my life. I never felt safe out of the house and became isolated and reclusive.

My T, was an angel. He helped me overcome most of the fears. Those fears are still there and sometimes threaten to take over. When that happens I use the techniques T taught me to try and relax and ground.
 
I get it. All too well....

I was in an accident with my best friend 2 days before my 20th birthday. I was the passenger, and the driver was killed. When I think back on that day it seems like it is unreal. I have to constantly tell myself that it really did happen and was real life. The accident was on March 22 2012, and to this day it makes me nauseas when I think about everything that happened that day and how life changed so much in the blink of an eye. The ambulance ride and emergency room was terrifying. So many people tried to talk to me and I didn't want to respond to any of them. I was in shock. No one would tell me what happened, until hours later when I was finally able to see my parents who told me that Tyler had died. I wanted to scream, but couldn't even make a peep. Complete. Utter. UDsbelief.

As for the anxiety in the car.... I doubt it will ever go away. Since I was a passenger, I had horrid anxiety being in the passengers seat, but not so much when I am driving. I think it is because I feel in control when i am behind the wheel, but when someone else id driving i feel so vulnerable. Its hard to explain

If you need someone to talk to I would be more than happy. I came to this site hoping to find people that can relate to my experiences and I'm sure you did the same.
 
As for the anxiety in the car.... I doubt it will ever go away. Since I was a passenger, I had horrid anxiety being in the passengers seat, but not so much when I am driving. I think it is because I feel in control when i am behind the wheel, but when someone else id driving i feel so vulnerable. Its hard to explain

The anxiety in the car has diminished for me, I would rather drive always, but my ability to be a passenger has increased dramatically with therapy.

Funny thing really, I chose to ride motorcycles for 5 years after my big accident. I felt confident in my abilities on a street bike based on years and years of dirt bike riding. At 16, 1 year after the accident, I was terrified of being a passenger, terrified of learning to drive a car in traffic, uncomfortable being responsible for the life of a passenger. Street bikes, although many times more dangerous, just felt better to me because I had many years of experience on dirt bikes, so that's what I did.

Sometimes I think that people that aren't scared in a car just haven't had an accident yet. I am still anxious, yes, but I am also very safe behind the wheel and take my responsibility very seriously. This experience will eventually make you a very competent, defensive and responsible driver too, I would bet on it.
 
It is just over 1 year since I posted above. I look at that post and it makes me realise exactly how far I have journeyed in my recovery.

It is almost 3 years since my crash. I'm driving and I can be reasonably relaxed as a passenger with certain people, my darling husband included. I have even travelled with a colleague and on another occasion in a taxi, both times were fine.

Yes, I still feel anxious but I am in control (well, for the most part) of those feelings.
 
2 years back we went to the family toor. Our bus turned and fall down. Still also I have that real feeling. 4 members dead in that accident, drivers carelessness makes this problem.
 
When I was a kid you could buy and drink alcohol at 18 years old. "Newgate Prison" was the name of the bar we left before my life changed forever and two lives were lost. "Go ahead and drive" Kevin said, as he threw the keys to his '76 Chevy Impala to Jeff, who was not a good driver sober, let alone after a few beers. “Don’t Punch-it. It’s fast and will get away from you" Kevin quipped, as he and his girlfriend hopped in the back leaving me riding shotgun to a destination none of us imagined.

The first stop was to drop off Kevin's girlfriend, whose home was about a 15 mile drive. After arriving, Kevin walked her to her door, performed the obligatory teenage at-the-door-make-out-session, and sprinted back to the car hopping in the backseat again happy as a clam. With Jeff still in the driver’s seat we were off to continue our night of fun. Michael Jackson had just released 'Beat It" and we were jammin to it as we came to a stop sign; the last stop sign my two dear friends would ever see and a poignant symbol of my life that would stop and be forever changed by what was around the next turn.

As soon as we crossed the intersection, and about 6 miles from home, Jeff “Punched it!” Within seconds we were at 70 MPH and rounding a corner in front of a church with loose gravel from its driveway spilling out into the street. “SLOW DOWN!” Kevin screamed, as I, now grabbing the dash, glanced toward Jeff who was ignoring the cries from behind him and seemed to be in an emotionless daze.

Just as the road bent left in front of the church we hit the gravel and almost immediately started sliding sideways down this narrow two-lane road at about 80 MPH. So true are some correlations between movie scenes of tragedies and real life, as everything catapulted into slow motion and disbelief at what was occurring. Trees sliding past my view one by one in half-time. The creek and overpass coming into view as the car started sliding the opposite way from the initial direction and straight for the wall built to stop people from driving into the creek.

It seemed like minutes passed, in what were only seconds, until my first lucid memory of seeing, with eyes shut, what I can only describe as a glowing spider web, and experiencing absolute silence and peace, except for a whir that I would learn was a slowly rotating wheel on an axle that was now where the hood should be. Never braking and ignoring all pleas, Jeff could not avoid the cement side wall of the creek overpass.

INHALE I thought, breathing in tiny shards of glass while opening my eyes to the aftermath of these moments that would forever haunt my life, restrict my movements and decisions, and cause me uncontrollable fear triggered by bridge crossings, heights and being a passenger in any vehicle I am not driving. Raising my head and opening my eyes - reality came quick. I looked left but couldn’t see Jeff as he was pushed to the right when the car hit the wall on his side knocking his upper body behind me, as I was thrust forward into the windshield and trapped by the dashboard that had been crushed inward.

Kevin was above and behind us in the now U-shaped and almost upside down vehicle, and was breathing his last breaths; a sound I will never forget. I then saw a flame, like a butane lighter on high, flickering in front of me in the area of the engine, and a panic shot through me, as I had been burned by gas and fire when I was 11 and thought the car would explode. With all my might I pushed out from between the dash and front passenger seat and managed to slide through the narrow opening of the passenger window.

Once free I screamed at Jeff and Kevin to get out, tried to open the door in futility and ran to the closest house whose occupants had heard the crash and quickly opened the door already having called 911. The ambulance and fire engine where there in just seconds it seemed and I was placed into the back, out of view of the wreckage, and taken to the hospital. I remember everything, and suffered only a broken ankle and very small cut on my head. Jeff was announced dead at the scene, and Kevin lingered a bit but died en route to the hospital.

These boys were my brothers; my closest friends since early childhood. Their loss is a scar that never heals and the moment leading up to their loss is a pivot point in my life that is unmatched in its impact. Adding to the trauma, lawyers for Jeff’s parents hounded me for a year after the accident trying to insinuate that I was driving, or had fault in this accident to which I was merely a passenger. Only after threatening to sue them for the trauma I suffered did they stop harassing me.

Anecdotally I did not sue anyone for anything. To a large extent being a passenger in a vehicle now, over 25 years later, only evokes the mildest of anxiety, but crossing over a high bridge, Flying, or peering out of buildings any taller than 10 stories gives me the shivers, whereas before my accident I was fearless on all levels and with all things. The crying in memory and anxieties are no more than semi-uncontrollable waves that overcome me, no matter the effort to avoid or distract. I have learned to ride them, knowing that the surf will settle and I’ll be ok, as has been proven in my life countless times.

I constantly and consistently try to push myself past my fears. Facing them head on, trying not to subconsciously grip too tight and plowing through until it goes away. I’m lucky I guess in that it does go away, but away is only a slow frightful smolder way beneath a surface of peace. And we carry on because the alternative sucks and life overall is pretty damn good. My wish is for intelligent fearlessness and joy for every one of you who have experienced something similar and who I call brothers and sisters.
 
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