Army_Brat_88
MyPTSD Pro
It's a very good day - or very good evening.
My year of torment is over. Finally. I have almost a renewed vigor in believing in God, because He finally has set me free from my trials and pain.
Anyone who's seen my thread knows of the agony I've been in from not hearing from a Sargeant medic who was in Afghanistan.
Well, it's been a year, and since the last time I had looked in early November, I finally had the real courage to look at his facebook page again, to find he is - wait for it - engaged.
Yep. All my begging and pleading. All his ignoring and not contacting me back - and there it is - the reason.
I wish I could say I'm stunned. I'm not. I'm numb mixed in with relief that FINALLY I know. Finally. I don't have to spend one more day wondering what's going on. Deep down I always knew, figured I was being played. Sure, he may have had issues when he first got back, but there was time, there were chances, and always said if he REALLY wanted to contact me he would.
Now I know why he didn't. He may have known her while deployed, he may have met up with her after the fact. Point is, he didn't have the balls to come clean. And by now most of my feelings had faded anyway - but there's still plenty of shock. Don't get me wrong.
First of all, do I regret this past year? No. I have learned about a disease which I had no idea about, and has made me extremely sensitive to an issue that has become very dear to my heart. I still care about vets more than anything. Not all of them are this way. Not all of them would treat someone so terribly. I have become knowledgeable about a subject which many have no clue on, and can help in ways I could never have prior to this whole ordeal.
Secondly, regardless of what I've said to Him and how I have ignored Him for months, I thank Jesus, my Lord and savior, for sparing me from a very obvious mistake, and got down on my knees in thankful words and prayers when I finally saw the huge revelation before me. I thank Him for his ability to allow me to come back to Him for strength and REAL love, and am ashamed that He even would bother taking back a sinner such as I. I don't know why You allowed me to be taken advantage of, Jesus, but just another person in my life I am greatful you didn't stick me with. There is then someone else I need to be available for.
Medic boy had pictures of Jesus on his FB page, which leads me to my final thought...
Sure, I wrote to him. Told him of my disbelief, and how the Jesus on his site will vindicate me - not him - for what he caused me. I messaged the girl, gave her the heads up. Said if she sees a few items around the house in particular, those are mine he decided to keep. Told her to think long and hard about her decision - the wedding hasn't happened yet, but will. Maybe. Maybe now it won't. If I recieved those messages, I'd put a huge ass hault on the whole thing. But she should know what her lovely finacee is truly like. I gave her a way out. If she doesn't take it, she may think on it each day of their married life. While I was spared.
So, to all my girlfriends out on this site - with the combat guys who are acting shady - scarce - can't get ahold of them - don't return messages - be forwarned. Learn from my story. How I was played, and the suffering I allowed on myself. How I made myself sick over this person, for "nothing".
Since I now volunteer at the VA, I can still use all I've learned. And no, not every vet will be like this. I know. But if you have a feeling in your gut - as I did but ignored - sit and put two and two together please.
If they want you in their life, they will keep in contact with you, regardless. They will do what it takes. If they aren't, make some decisions. It's very much a case by case basis, and I'm not telling EVERYONE who comes on here with combat ptsd issues will be like him. Please don't mistake that. But if you have doubts....even a few....keep a distance with your heart and emotions. You may just save yourself more grief and pain than you could ever forsee.
This site has been great. I learned so much. And while this isn't a PTSD related thread per se, it's the best place to put up the warning sign - for so many who have come and gone over the year looking for advice and wondering if what was going on was legit or not. Again, look at the situation. Your gut will tell you if something is up. If you avoid certain things - like FB, or talk yourself into/out of things, then take that as a caution light blinking.
It'll be very easy for these combat guys to say "I'm in a bad place" in order to avoid any ugly breakups.
Give it enough time if you don't contact them, and you'll find they didn't contact you either. BIG WARNING!!!!!!!!!
But the biggest bombshell I WILL give in my last post is this: I never even had really met medic guy yet. I had prayed to God to give me someone decent, and before I knew it, I had "met" medic guy through being a group volunteer sending care packages. We talked all the time he was gone on the phone, then he came back and kinda just forgot all the promises. There were signs all along, but I wanted to be that good girl - the one that army guys could trust in a world of where so many get cheated on. I wanted that strike in my corner of being trustworthy and decent. So I took him at his word. For that? Yes, a year wasted. But everything happens for a reason, right? Some good will come out of this. I'll be damned if I know what, but when I get to it, it'll have fallen into place somehow. I must believe it. But I have nothing to fear, I was a good person, and somehow I'll be rewarded.
And even - if by some small chance he said he did have crippling PTSD, and everything fell through and he suddenly "remembered" me, I'd never give him the time of day. Not since I've seen the person he is. He alluded to "dark days" on his post - but he knew I was around.
He could have called. He chose NOT to call. That right there is the thing all combat GF's need to place down in their core right now.
So good luck to everyone. I'll still look around here. I'm going to watch out for the girls who seem to be so smitten or stuck in *wanting* to believe something that's not true - just as I did. I know the signs. I know what to look for now. And I'll be ready to rescue them - or at least warn them.
Take care everyone. It's been a hell of a ride that after 14 months I'm so glad to finally get off of!
AB
My year of torment is over. Finally. I have almost a renewed vigor in believing in God, because He finally has set me free from my trials and pain.
Anyone who's seen my thread knows of the agony I've been in from not hearing from a Sargeant medic who was in Afghanistan.
Well, it's been a year, and since the last time I had looked in early November, I finally had the real courage to look at his facebook page again, to find he is - wait for it - engaged.
Yep. All my begging and pleading. All his ignoring and not contacting me back - and there it is - the reason.
I wish I could say I'm stunned. I'm not. I'm numb mixed in with relief that FINALLY I know. Finally. I don't have to spend one more day wondering what's going on. Deep down I always knew, figured I was being played. Sure, he may have had issues when he first got back, but there was time, there were chances, and always said if he REALLY wanted to contact me he would.
Now I know why he didn't. He may have known her while deployed, he may have met up with her after the fact. Point is, he didn't have the balls to come clean. And by now most of my feelings had faded anyway - but there's still plenty of shock. Don't get me wrong.
First of all, do I regret this past year? No. I have learned about a disease which I had no idea about, and has made me extremely sensitive to an issue that has become very dear to my heart. I still care about vets more than anything. Not all of them are this way. Not all of them would treat someone so terribly. I have become knowledgeable about a subject which many have no clue on, and can help in ways I could never have prior to this whole ordeal.
Secondly, regardless of what I've said to Him and how I have ignored Him for months, I thank Jesus, my Lord and savior, for sparing me from a very obvious mistake, and got down on my knees in thankful words and prayers when I finally saw the huge revelation before me. I thank Him for his ability to allow me to come back to Him for strength and REAL love, and am ashamed that He even would bother taking back a sinner such as I. I don't know why You allowed me to be taken advantage of, Jesus, but just another person in my life I am greatful you didn't stick me with. There is then someone else I need to be available for.
Medic boy had pictures of Jesus on his FB page, which leads me to my final thought...
Sure, I wrote to him. Told him of my disbelief, and how the Jesus on his site will vindicate me - not him - for what he caused me. I messaged the girl, gave her the heads up. Said if she sees a few items around the house in particular, those are mine he decided to keep. Told her to think long and hard about her decision - the wedding hasn't happened yet, but will. Maybe. Maybe now it won't. If I recieved those messages, I'd put a huge ass hault on the whole thing. But she should know what her lovely finacee is truly like. I gave her a way out. If she doesn't take it, she may think on it each day of their married life. While I was spared.
So, to all my girlfriends out on this site - with the combat guys who are acting shady - scarce - can't get ahold of them - don't return messages - be forwarned. Learn from my story. How I was played, and the suffering I allowed on myself. How I made myself sick over this person, for "nothing".
Since I now volunteer at the VA, I can still use all I've learned. And no, not every vet will be like this. I know. But if you have a feeling in your gut - as I did but ignored - sit and put two and two together please.
If they want you in their life, they will keep in contact with you, regardless. They will do what it takes. If they aren't, make some decisions. It's very much a case by case basis, and I'm not telling EVERYONE who comes on here with combat ptsd issues will be like him. Please don't mistake that. But if you have doubts....even a few....keep a distance with your heart and emotions. You may just save yourself more grief and pain than you could ever forsee.
This site has been great. I learned so much. And while this isn't a PTSD related thread per se, it's the best place to put up the warning sign - for so many who have come and gone over the year looking for advice and wondering if what was going on was legit or not. Again, look at the situation. Your gut will tell you if something is up. If you avoid certain things - like FB, or talk yourself into/out of things, then take that as a caution light blinking.
It'll be very easy for these combat guys to say "I'm in a bad place" in order to avoid any ugly breakups.
Give it enough time if you don't contact them, and you'll find they didn't contact you either. BIG WARNING!!!!!!!!!
But the biggest bombshell I WILL give in my last post is this: I never even had really met medic guy yet. I had prayed to God to give me someone decent, and before I knew it, I had "met" medic guy through being a group volunteer sending care packages. We talked all the time he was gone on the phone, then he came back and kinda just forgot all the promises. There were signs all along, but I wanted to be that good girl - the one that army guys could trust in a world of where so many get cheated on. I wanted that strike in my corner of being trustworthy and decent. So I took him at his word. For that? Yes, a year wasted. But everything happens for a reason, right? Some good will come out of this. I'll be damned if I know what, but when I get to it, it'll have fallen into place somehow. I must believe it. But I have nothing to fear, I was a good person, and somehow I'll be rewarded.
And even - if by some small chance he said he did have crippling PTSD, and everything fell through and he suddenly "remembered" me, I'd never give him the time of day. Not since I've seen the person he is. He alluded to "dark days" on his post - but he knew I was around.
He could have called. He chose NOT to call. That right there is the thing all combat GF's need to place down in their core right now.
So good luck to everyone. I'll still look around here. I'm going to watch out for the girls who seem to be so smitten or stuck in *wanting* to believe something that's not true - just as I did. I know the signs. I know what to look for now. And I'll be ready to rescue them - or at least warn them.
Take care everyone. It's been a hell of a ride that after 14 months I'm so glad to finally get off of!
AB