TawkyTawny
New Here
Hi,
I'm 38yo male. I had a therapist suggest that I had Complex - PTSD to me about two years ago. I looked it up, but for whatever reason it didn't make any impression. My life has been pretty unbearable. I'm reasonably successful, but I have extraordinary difficulty maintaining relationships with people. As I get older, my personality "defects" seem to be getting more socially obtuse...I'm too old to be so standoffish. I've had very few relationships with women and there's no reason for this. It's not them, it's me, but I only believe that when I'm not in a crazy, angry space in my head. Which is often.
I could go on forever but I just want to get to the point. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 8 years old and I've always kind of accepted that as my problem. Then I've had different therapists and psychiatrists throw out bipolar and depression as well.
I went to an anger management workshop last week and it was a disaster. It as so apparent to me and to everyone else in the room that my level of anger was abnormally high. She asked me if I ever felt loved, and I said no. I ended up walking out of that room in anger.
I need help. I've been reading about Complex PTSD and I have all of the signs, although many people say it is not a real diagnosis. Whatever, the facts are - I had very rough childhood, and it took me years to realize this - I still love my parents, but I can't deal with them anymore because I think of all the problems that I have in life, issues with self-esteem, hypervigilance, a deep fear of women, etc. that I wouldn't have had had my parents, especially my mother, not acted towards me the way they did. I felt love from my father, and still do, but my mom, it's like there's something not there...I think she might be BPD but never diagnosed.
I don't know what to do. I am not suicidal but I'm afraid that I will make myself sick through all my worrying and despair and loneliness.
I'm 38yo male. I had a therapist suggest that I had Complex - PTSD to me about two years ago. I looked it up, but for whatever reason it didn't make any impression. My life has been pretty unbearable. I'm reasonably successful, but I have extraordinary difficulty maintaining relationships with people. As I get older, my personality "defects" seem to be getting more socially obtuse...I'm too old to be so standoffish. I've had very few relationships with women and there's no reason for this. It's not them, it's me, but I only believe that when I'm not in a crazy, angry space in my head. Which is often.
I could go on forever but I just want to get to the point. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 8 years old and I've always kind of accepted that as my problem. Then I've had different therapists and psychiatrists throw out bipolar and depression as well.
I went to an anger management workshop last week and it was a disaster. It as so apparent to me and to everyone else in the room that my level of anger was abnormally high. She asked me if I ever felt loved, and I said no. I ended up walking out of that room in anger.
I need help. I've been reading about Complex PTSD and I have all of the signs, although many people say it is not a real diagnosis. Whatever, the facts are - I had very rough childhood, and it took me years to realize this - I still love my parents, but I can't deal with them anymore because I think of all the problems that I have in life, issues with self-esteem, hypervigilance, a deep fear of women, etc. that I wouldn't have had had my parents, especially my mother, not acted towards me the way they did. I felt love from my father, and still do, but my mom, it's like there's something not there...I think she might be BPD but never diagnosed.
I don't know what to do. I am not suicidal but I'm afraid that I will make myself sick through all my worrying and despair and loneliness.