Looking for tips, advice, challenges after another frustrating session.
Disclaimer:
My therapist says not to berate myself for my behaviour in our session, that it's okay with her that I become defensive. That I'm working very hard, and don't need to push myself any harder then I am. Patience & pacing apparently.
Goal:
To talk about my traumas in detail, release relevant emotions with the support of my therapist, who I believe is the right one for me.
Problem:
No matter how ready I feel. Despite writing out what I want to say, I become angry, frustrated & defensive. It seems an automatic, uninvited defense mechanism comes up with no warning in our session when triggered.
The trigger:
My therapist was empathetic. We were discussing a situation and she remarked 'that's very sad', and I hated it. My therapist says it's like I grab a cricket bat & start whacking her over the head whenever she says anything 'nice' or expresses 'empathy' or 'concern' or caring.
My question/s:
How can I stop being defensive? Apparently I shut people out quite deliberately. So how can I let them in? How can I make myself feel safe?
Can anyone relate & what do you do in session to make yourself feel safe? Is it a cognitive thing?
How can you over-ride a defense mechanism? Or should I just ride it out?
Disclaimer:
My therapist says not to berate myself for my behaviour in our session, that it's okay with her that I become defensive. That I'm working very hard, and don't need to push myself any harder then I am. Patience & pacing apparently.
Goal:
To talk about my traumas in detail, release relevant emotions with the support of my therapist, who I believe is the right one for me.
Problem:
No matter how ready I feel. Despite writing out what I want to say, I become angry, frustrated & defensive. It seems an automatic, uninvited defense mechanism comes up with no warning in our session when triggered.
The trigger:
My therapist was empathetic. We were discussing a situation and she remarked 'that's very sad', and I hated it. My therapist says it's like I grab a cricket bat & start whacking her over the head whenever she says anything 'nice' or expresses 'empathy' or 'concern' or caring.
My question/s:
How can I stop being defensive? Apparently I shut people out quite deliberately. So how can I let them in? How can I make myself feel safe?
Can anyone relate & what do you do in session to make yourself feel safe? Is it a cognitive thing?
How can you over-ride a defense mechanism? Or should I just ride it out?