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Kas_Can_Fly
Joined:
Feb 14, 2013
Messages:
810
Likes Received:
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Trophy Points:
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Gender:
Female
Location:
Kent, UK
Occupation:
Geek

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Kas_Can_Fly

Well-Known Member, Female, from Kent, UK

Premium Member

I feel dizzy at reality. o_O Feb 25, 2014

    1. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      I feel dizzy at reality. o_O
    2. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      In Portuguese, #PTSD is known as #TEPT or Transtorno de estresse pós-traumático, transtorno translates as disorder or upheaval, I agree!
    3. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Despite my agnosticism, the statement the Bible makes, that I should bear the sins of my father, is apparently true, but why?
    4. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      And then once more my sight grew firm and fixed. Now upright and again afoot, I scanned intently, all around to view where I might be.
    5. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Thunder rolling heavily in my head shattered my deep sleep. Startled, I awoke - as though just shaken in some violent grip.
    6. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      I'm not allowed to stay in my room at this psychiatric hospital because their are too many sources for suicide. :S
    7. Ms Spock
      Ms Spock
      Hey Kas Can Fly - hang in there as best you can.
    8. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      I've hit a wall I and cannot pass that wall is no. No to everything. I will curl up until it's no longer no, or it's gone. No, no, no.
    9. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Not Dead!!! Yet... ;P
    10. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      In permanent panic. I'm shaking so much. Get so bad till I have to sleep but have nightmares, wake up shaking all over again.
    11. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
    12. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      That wasn't living! That was just… not dying! There’s a difference!
      1. Stanley Shi-Yume likes this.
    13. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      The silicon chip inside my head is always switched to overload.
    14. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
    15. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      That awkward moment when you realise that you've cut off all of your hair... ooops >_<
    16. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      This morning I have I created small farming village & mid-sized port city, with a combined population of around 15500. Quite productive!
    17. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      I sent a list of all the trauma's I remember to my Social Worker on Wednesday. Now someone knows but I'm desperately awaiting an email back.
    18. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Managed scare, then shortly after trigger myself earlier. I've spent all day trying catch the edge of reality to reel myself back in. *sigh*
    19. therisa
      therisa
      Thank you, Kas, for openly sharing part of your struggle. I know, how hard it is share, when you find yourself, swamped by PTSD and other related conditions. I hoping things, have improved for you.
      1. Abstract and Kas_Can_Fly like this.
      2. Kas_Can_Fly
        Kas_Can_Fly
        Thank you for posting that here, I'm very grateful. I think I don't often realise how much I really find things difficult, it's like because I'm ok for a few minutes here and there and because I lie to myself and those around me and much like an injured animal, pretend I am ok, I don't like to admit that anything really affects me and as a result nothing feels real.
        Aug 16, 2013
      3. Kas_Can_Fly
        Kas_Can_Fly
        Things are better I've been out of the hospital for nearly a month now, I have some better internal understanding, medication which seems to be helping and have regained some hope in the system from which I will receive therapy. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I have reached a clearing. I too hope things get better for you.
        Aug 16, 2013
      4. therisa
        therisa
        Wish I could have better news, for you, regarding myself, but next week, will be very important to me, as I see my nurse-practitioner, concerning my recent slideback and insomnia. Will be posting about it, either in my trauma diary or in the forum, for all to see. Thank you, for keeping me, focus on what is truly important. :)
        Aug 16, 2013
    20. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      I have an overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be staying with my friend at the moment, it's too much, too soon, I understand why though.
    21. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      The more aware and certain I am of something the more confused I become. Denial, confusion, self-doubt and fear.
      1. Abstract likes this.
    22. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Been given Diazepam 3x Daily by crisis team. Daily visits. Normal meds doubling too. *eek* <- don't worry the benzo's will help that...
    23. Abstract
      Abstract
      Hi Kas,
      Hoping you are OK ish. Safe at least. Or that you have been taken in somewhere. I hope someone listened at last.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Abstract
        Abstract
        Nothing to apologise for and it wasn't sulky. I didn't see it before now actually. Was just a little concerned as you disappeared and I know you in a bad place. Very glad all is heading in a better direction.
        Aug 16, 2013
      3. Abstract
        Abstract
        By the way, I could have written this: " it's like because I'm ok for a few minutes here and there and because I lie to myself and those around me and much like an injured animal, pretend I am ok, I don't like to admit that anything really affects me and as a result nothing feels real." I am starting to feel it is another little bonus of being dissociative.
        Aug 16, 2013
      4. Kas_Can_Fly
        Kas_Can_Fly
        Sometimes yes, but I often don't think I'm bad, even at my worst. It's as if I have all this insight into how to understand myself psychologically, but I can't tell the basics like if I'm feeling worried or not. Like noticing a panic attack retrospectively because at the time despite wanting to crawl out of the room via my skin, I didn't think I was doing that badly. Thanks again. :)
        Aug 16, 2013
    24. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Try being horizontal and relaxing. Can't see in half of one eye. Can't move properly. Feel sick, dizzy, on edge, nervous & hyper. Try sleep.
    25. Kas_Can_Fly
      Kas_Can_Fly
      Its not the 1st time that a hospital stay seemed inevitable.I don't want it & I've managed to avoid it to this point. But it feels so close.
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  • About

    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Kent, UK
    Occupation:
    Geek
    My middle initials are AJ, so I guess that's what I'd like to be called on here. I wouldn't mind being called that in real life but I've only had those initials since a therapeutic name change fairly recently and it's not caught on yet. I'm female. I'm 24. I've been diagnosed formally with PTSD.

    I have a dogwho's very affectionate from big cuddles to just sitting near by for support - I never trained him to do that, he just does.

    I suffered a lot of abuse in my childhood and early teens at the hands of my father, his drug dealer and a friend of theirs to my recollection, but mostly his dealer - that's the most I've shared with anyone outside of my household. I still only remember parts of it and lots is fragmented or just segments of events. Diagnosed with PTSD on Monday the 4th of February 2013 after 6 months of searching for someone to diagnose me correctly - I do not have Aspergers (previous diagnosis). I was also bullied with life-threatening events occurring repeatedly, however I am still struggling to accept this as traumatic - mostly because of my constant comparing it to the rest of my abuse. I want to make a healthy progress away from my past using therapy and I want to one day be able to lead as normal a life as I'm capable of. I don't want to be isolated anymore. But I'm not ready to throw myself back into the world. Far from it, but I'm ready to make steps which is the biggest step of all.

    That's all for now.

    AJ
    xx
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