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Triggers And Discovering What They Are

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Write down what you were doing, the people around you and how you were feeling along with the date/time. After a month or two of doing this, you might see some of these things are consistent. This is what helped me figure out a handful of triggers.
 
Thanks everyone! Was mia from the internet enjoying school vacation week with my son, then some not fun computer issues this week.

@Malaenis - this is me just thinking out loud because I definitely don't have the answers, but with the situation you described with your son, would it be helpful to reframe that in your mind?

This is usually what I do anyways. It's not him spilling milk that triggers me, it's more what comes after. I remain pretty damn calm in the situation. Except once when the little bum sat there looking at it like it was no big deal that my carpet was covered in orange juice. lol! So I know I'm being a good mom. Spilling something is not the end of the world, carpets and floors can be cleaned and replaced, an emotionally abused mind cannot be. I did trigger from when I spilled things at one point, but I've begun getting control of that. Anyways, it's more my reaction. I think part of it is my longing for a parent who would have reacted like I do. Then the realization I didn't, and don't have a mother who cares that much about me. Then it brings up all the things my mom has done to me. My brain thinks things through way too much.

I try to redirect it by remembering it is in the past, I can't fix or change what she did then or who she is now. I can't control her, only myself and luckily I'm not her and react in an appropriate way when my own child spills something. Remembering how far I've come sometimes helps. Unfortunately, sometimes it just makes me feel overwhelmed that I even had to carry so much as a child. It also helps for me to think how happy I am he doesn't have a mom like I did, and that he gets to enjoy being a child and have a more stable childhood. I think the difficult part about him triggering me is I feel guilty when it happens, and off balance, not sure how else to put it. Trying to separate the past from the present could be the off balance part of it.

I have complex PTSD too. I also grew up being abused from day one.

I think I have an anniversary trigger, but my first time being raped I was 2 and I don't remember it. I just know the general time period. And my mother refused to give me any information about it, even as an adult. Some genius therapist told her it would be bad to. (I'm bitter about that because yes, may have been bad to tell me as a child, but not when I'm an adult that's simply desperate to work through my issues and fear not knowing so much of what happened is stopping me from doing that.) I just know every January, no matter how I felt previously, how great my life generally is, I get depressed. It's been suggested I have seasonal depression, but it is only January, and only 2 weeks out of the month, I feel this crushing depression.

I get what you mean about little things. I think I must be crazy sometimes when I feel like something small triggers me. That I can't possibly be triggered because that would be ridiculous, and I must just be being dramatic.

I understand the lying. One of my few vivid memories is being in the car with my mom, her insisting I was lying to her and me sobbing that I was telling the truth. I was not a bad child. I had behavior issues that were normal for any child that had been sexually abused and forced to face her abuser. But my mom labelled me, and so did everyone in our congregation, as a bad daughter. To this day, I need validation that I'm a good person, or doing the right thing, and she was and continued to be an abusive mother. (I recently cut ties with her.) So her insisting that I was lying was ridiculous. As a parent, I get it, sometimes it's hard to tell. But you start to know their tells, and after questioning them if they're lying or not. Plus, there are other ways to find out if a child is lying without directly accusing them by asking the question differently, or a different question sometimes. So many of my triggers I can trace back to things that she did to me. When I do recognize them.

Write down what you were doing, the people around you and how you were feeling along with the date/time. After a month or two of doing this, you might see some of these things are consistent. This is what helped me figure out a handful of triggers.

I need to do that. That seems to be a popular way to figure out what they are. I have gotten a little better recognizing them with the more work I do. But it seems like they're never ending.
 
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