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What To Do?

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Cody Chilson

New Here
So I've been abused my whole life. It will sound stupid and probably no one will believe me but thatshe ok I guess? My m9m has munchuasens by proxy...if anyone knows what that is and what it's about you will know exactly what happened to me. I rexlceltly figured this out within the last 2 months...now I'm married and live with my wife and mother in law...they are very abusive towards me...I can't have any privacy...everything I do or say they have to know so I'm trying to get help!... last night was really messed up...my wife was being extremely messed up to me. So I went upstairs to sleep...a few minutes later she comes up rips the blanket off me then rips the pillow from under neath of me...then she hit me with the pillow...it sent me into a flashblack and I jumped up screaming and crying and ran downstairs...I ended up falling down the stairs cuz I was so scared...then I posted about this on one of my support groups on fb but my mother in law is it it...( she followed me into the group...I don't like to post because then I will get in trouble by her) anyways she basically said it was my fault... I hate life so much and I don't know what to do anymore...I stay here because i really do love them but I'm am so scared of them both. Help!?
P.s. now she is asking if I want to go to eat or if I want vape juice....typical abuse tactic after the abuse... f*ck!
 
Hi Cody. Sounds like a toxic situation you're in. Are you in therapy or otherwise getting professional help for your childhood? Can you better describe how you feel your relationship with these women is abusive? Do you have somewhere you can stay to get some space and perspective on your marriage?
 
Even if you love another person, or desire them to love you doesn't mean such is a healthy situation. They may even love you too and act in loving ways at times! But here is the thing, such love is not healthy love, it is toxic love. Toxic love is even more painful then hate or even indifference. The 'loving part' keeps an individual coming back for more even when they know it isn't good for them in the long run.

The most important thing right now is to keep on expanding your network. Just like the fact you came here you need to keep on reaching out and trying to find healthy and safe individuals to go to. Try to find safe harbor that is more permanent compared to fleeting. Stability and a safe environment is the most important thing you can do for yourself right now.

Best wishes. Please keep us updated.
 
Third voice gently asking if you are in therapy?

Healthy relationships can be a completely foreign concept when you've grown up being abused. The first 2 years of my relationship with my current T he focused almost exclusively on building trust. We've been working together about 5 years now, and having one person in my life who I can trust, who I know is going to make sure that our relationship stays suportive and caring at all times, opens my eyes a little to the possibility that the toxic relationships that I grew up with, even into adulthood, the kind of toxic relationships that I've always assumed were normal, aren't normal at all.

In fact, as I progress through my recovery, building new healthy relationships where I know I'm not going to get hurt, where I can allow myself to trust and be vulnerable and be loved without any catches or compromise, that's one of the main things that makes it all worthwhile.

It can be hard to believe that's possible when all you've ever known is abuse, or love that is conditional on abuse. It's even harder to imagine how transformative healthy relationships can be when you've never experienced them. But that's what people live for - that's how great healthy relationships can be. They can be a reason to live, all on their own.

You didn't deserve to be abused as a child. Your mother was ill, but that's a reason, not an excuse. You are worthy of being loved. You are worthy of being cared for and treated with dignity.
 
IME there isn't such a thing as there being enough love to make abuse tolerable/justified/OK! I think you'll find a forum full of people that love those who are abusive to them------but over time you come to realize that life is too short to put up with this behavior.
 
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