Ms Spock, this is totally devastating for you. It is a fundamental betrayal in so many ways. I think it's very impressive that despite everything you were the one person that had a sense of truth and self preservation. I think it shows a great inner strength for you although I am sure it feels like a hollow victory.on top of that to lose your family has left me totally flattened.
I am not sure how old you were when you confronted this and how it played out. I don't know if authorities were involved or if you told one or all members in the family. I think when members do this and reject the victim they have serious issues of some type themselves. healthy good parents or family will always immediately nurture and care for the victim and take serious steps to protect them. There were obviously very serous deficits in the rest of your family Ms Spock and that hurts a lot.
Who would tell all family members in this scenario? Would the same family members that chose to silence and push you away have had the capacity to do something like this? If you go back to your situation then how would it be different. If you had social services involved then I can understand it could be dealt with differently if they didn't tell everyone. Then again I imagine their are legal repercussions and social services may need to have a trial and proof before telling everyone in that way. I would imagine it would be defamation of character if authorities started telling family members and neighbours. And how would it go to trial if it didn't go to trial before? What would make family members start doing what they should have done?I am talking about a very different scenario where everyone would be told - all family members, friends, neighbours and so forth. There would be no secret keeping. There would be no alibis given.
The question is how you get a dysfunctional family to do what they need to for the child to be supported and protected. If you tell one person that person does not have the abilities or functionality to take the right actions. They obviously didn't then when you told. To me it is this lack of functionality that would have to change for you not to loose your family Ms Spock.. All other outcomes depend on it.
It happens so often in families when abuse comes out. I think it vividly shows the dysfunction and lacks in these families that it happens in. Abuse is one devastating part of the puzzle but when there is no good parenting either then that creates great lacks and pain for children. There is no one giving them what they need. I find it interesting seeing how much one supportive and nurturing person in child's life adds to resilience. I think it is that isolation and lack of even one person that seems to compound the damage so much.
For me I have started coming to terms with the fact that my mother does not have the capacity to give me what I need. My family does not work that way and sadly I have no power over that. Accepting that felt like a death as it is a death in a way. The death of the possibility of the parent I needed and need.
Happy to agree to disagree Ms Spock. :)
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