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General Can Someone Advise Me? Please.. Drugs And Ptsd

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A13

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Hi guys,
I want to seek some advise before I do the wrong thing and make things worse by talking to my sufferer.

He has military ptsd, has spent some time in a combat treatment centre in Ayr, and weekly sees his therapist. So he is really trying.

I'm unsure if I'm looking too far into things, because I have a brother whos addicted to marijuana and an alcoholic mother..
My sufferer doesn't usually smoke weed... However for the last week and a half he's been using almost everyday.
The issue isn't him using drugs (I don't like it but he's a big boy to make his own decisions) It's the fact that he's lying about using it... Last night I felt hurt. we had a discussion during the weekend.
Asking him not to lie about using.. Just to say eg I'm having a hard time, I wana smoke etc.. I heard him in another room rolling himself a j... I asked him.. "What are u up to in there honey" and he went all shifty (I had a rough idea what he was doing).. Any way he said, go up to bed and il be straight up.. So off i went..Then he went outside to smoke... I don't get why he's lying which is what has me worried..
Some time ago he used cocaine to self medicate.. and im wondering is this going to be the same!?
How do I address it, or do I not address it. do I let him go doing his own thing and not ask.
I worry because this drug has such a grip on my brother he's so down when he doesn't use.. (which is every day in life) my sufferer has enough going on without adding that to the mix.. Short term I know it must give him some relief, but long term I can't see drugs and ptsd being a good mix....

I know I may be over reacting because of what I've been through with family members and their addictions..
Which is why I'm seeking advise before making things worse for him.

Anyone....??
 
I mean to type advice* my phone keeps changing advice to advise... But hopefully you all know what I mean!!

Ta x
 
The deception would bother me too, if I was on the receiving end. I would respond the way he is mostly to avoid conflict. If you bring it up to him, I'd suggest you stick to "information sharing". Explain your concerns and put them in context, like you did here. Accept that it's his life and his choices. Accept that yourself! Listen to what he says.
It's hard to have that kind of conversation when you're in a bad spot, but sometimes it has to happen anyway.
 
Thanks for your reply. I just know there isn't going to be a way to discuss my concern without him getting on the defensive and kicking off!! The frustrating part isn't him smoking weed, it's him blatantly lying to me when I asked about smoking it.. I wondered was he worried that I'd be disappointed that he was taking drugs again... And he lied to not disappoint.. When in reality he disappointed me more by lying to me. Perhaps I'm making excuses now.. Lol
I don't know?.....
 
I dated a guy once who hid smoking cigarettes from me. (not pot, but I feel this story can be helpful).
He did it because when we first started dating, I went on a big rant about smoking and lung cancer and so on. I didn't have a problem that he did it (it wasn't in the house, and it's not my body), but when I had found out he was lying, that's what upset me. So we had a sit down, and after a bit of talking, he finally revealed the reason he was hiding it, he thought there would be a big rant, or reaction, and knowing I had just gone through a major life changing event, he didn't want to add that stress onto it.
Once we established our feelings towards the matter, and he realized how I felt about it, the lying stopped. So maybe there is an underlying reason as to why your s/o is hiding it. Maybe not the same reason, but maybe some sort of specific reason.
Talking it out when the situation isn't happening and you are both in a good place seems the best sort of way to get to the bottom of the problem. Relay to him your feelings about the lying vs the actual smoking. I hope you two can get sorted.
 
Hi Adm,

You're absolutely right to come here and seek advice.

apologies in advance if you are all ready well aware of this;

just be very aware of the dangers of slipping into co-dependency, in the same way as partners of alcoholics and other other compulsives can.

Good Luck
@
 
@Silver thanks for the similar story to relate to!! .. I think the best thing is to let it settle until I'm a bit less upset about it, which will also give him time to think about how unnecessary it is to lie about something so silly.

@Anarchy.. Thankful of your post also.. Coming from a home with an alcoholic mother I'm often making myself aware of co-dependant traits, some traits I do actually possess. so definitely something worth making sure I do not slip into.

Appreciate your posts! X
 
Maybe reconsider the statement " the issue isn't that he's using drugs."
Well, it kinda is, on a daily basis, and that's enabling behavior you're exhibiting.
PTSD + drugs = numbing behavior, not the road to health no matter how often he's in therapy. I wonder if his therapist knows how much he uses.
I know when you love someone it's difficult to step back and see the big picture. Take care of you first.
 
@watundah thanks for your comments! It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. That's part of the learning process I guess! Just seem to face something different each week.. Once he came to bed I explained to him late lastnight i didn't want an argument to give me a kiss and " i thought the chat we had at the weekend meant he'd not lie about it any more!! I asked did he think I was being unreasonable by asking him not to hide something like drug use (knowing my brothers situation) and do you tell David (therapist) your smoking weed now."

Which just blew up to" f*ck sake, here we f*cking go again.. You just can't f*cking drop something. Go to sleep!!!"

??? Which lead me to here....
 
I think you have to focus on making choices for yourself. He is going to have to do the same. The drug use is an issue. You're going to have to decide how big an issue it is for you, now. Then express that, so he knows. He will have to decide for himself if that works for him. If you have to lie about something, that sort of suggests there's a problem. Then you both might want to continue checking in with yourselves and each other, to be sure it's still working.

There's a chance this just isn't going to work at this point in time. I don't think compromising now and expecting things to magically improve later works real often.
 
Do not want to be a naysayer. But I agree with the above statement.....PTSD+(any numbing drugs pot, alcohol in excess)= bad news. My sufferer has addiction issues w/C-PTSD...which came first? for mine is hard say....like asking the chicken or the egg. Nonetheless, ITS NOT GOOD. The fact he is hiding is your first alarm. I always try to encourage others pay attention to your alarms, they are there for a reason...!! Your choices are simply that, yours. I would ask him does his therapist know?......and go from there. And lovingly remind him you are more disturbed by the lying.
 
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