thelonely1
New Here
Hello everyone.
I am here because my ex is in trouble now. She keeps trying to hurt herself and other people - and she might succeed. I need to get her help.
I always knew what she was feeling, but I didn't understand why until recently. It is difficult to talk to her about her trauma, many of you likely know how hard it can be. The only times she is conscious of it is when she freaking out, and when that happens my priority is to calm her, not to delve into her past. But over the years, from time to time, a detail slips out, and now the pieces have come together in my mind and I can talk about it.
She has been serially sexually abused and assaulted, by many perpetrators, throughout her life. It continues even now. The first time was long before I met her, and I suspect someone in her family or close to it is responsible. She has tried to explain what happened to her, to get help and validation, as best she knew how at a very young age, but repeatedly she was dismissed, accused, or ignored - even by her own mother.
Then we met, and fell in love, and it was beautiful. Sometimes. She is bright and funny and a natural performer. When she feels joy she takes everyone with her for the ride. She has a staggering variety of gifts and talents. I am in awe of what she is capable of. She can be sweet and compassionate, and a listener. But she can also be a terrible abuser in her own right. She can flip into rage in an instant and lash out at whoever is around her. She manipulates and uses people. I'm no exception. Regardless of what she really felt about me she put me down and disrespected me. She cheated.
I stood by her. She was getting help, taking medications and seeing a therapist, and I could see the real person underneath. I wanted to be there when she discovered the person she always wanted to be. But she pushed me away, and broke up with me again and again. So I tried something else. We became friends, until she got in a relationship with a monster. He was threatened by me, and he ordered her to cut of contact with me. She did.
So I moved away. Did not try to speak to her again. I deleted her pictures, got rid of her stuff, I tried to forget about her and move on. But I didn't. For two years I missed her terribly and felt miserable. Then, a few months ago, she tried to contact me. I ignored her. A couple more months passed and she sent me more messages. I couldn't help myself. We started talking and hanging out again. She is falling apart, and I am confused.
She is homeless now, and an emotional wreck. Her most recent ex abused her again, and he is stalking her. She is being shunned by most of her family and friends. She is not getting psychiatric help anymore. She is lighting things on fire, and breaking windshields in moving cars. She hates herself. And I don't know why she reached out to me. Sometimes she says that she misses me, but she also says that she isn't attracted to me. She touches me, a lot, but it's mostly platonic. I don't have money or a place to live myself, so I cannot shelter her, even if I want to. It should be clear now that I miss our relationship, and that if I am attracted to someone who is so sick I need help myself. I am seeing a therapist. But I don't need help like she does. I am not the one who is in physical danger right now.
Thank you for reading so much. I have a lot I need to share
I am here because my ex is in trouble now. She keeps trying to hurt herself and other people - and she might succeed. I need to get her help.
I always knew what she was feeling, but I didn't understand why until recently. It is difficult to talk to her about her trauma, many of you likely know how hard it can be. The only times she is conscious of it is when she freaking out, and when that happens my priority is to calm her, not to delve into her past. But over the years, from time to time, a detail slips out, and now the pieces have come together in my mind and I can talk about it.
She has been serially sexually abused and assaulted, by many perpetrators, throughout her life. It continues even now. The first time was long before I met her, and I suspect someone in her family or close to it is responsible. She has tried to explain what happened to her, to get help and validation, as best she knew how at a very young age, but repeatedly she was dismissed, accused, or ignored - even by her own mother.
Then we met, and fell in love, and it was beautiful. Sometimes. She is bright and funny and a natural performer. When she feels joy she takes everyone with her for the ride. She has a staggering variety of gifts and talents. I am in awe of what she is capable of. She can be sweet and compassionate, and a listener. But she can also be a terrible abuser in her own right. She can flip into rage in an instant and lash out at whoever is around her. She manipulates and uses people. I'm no exception. Regardless of what she really felt about me she put me down and disrespected me. She cheated.
I stood by her. She was getting help, taking medications and seeing a therapist, and I could see the real person underneath. I wanted to be there when she discovered the person she always wanted to be. But she pushed me away, and broke up with me again and again. So I tried something else. We became friends, until she got in a relationship with a monster. He was threatened by me, and he ordered her to cut of contact with me. She did.
So I moved away. Did not try to speak to her again. I deleted her pictures, got rid of her stuff, I tried to forget about her and move on. But I didn't. For two years I missed her terribly and felt miserable. Then, a few months ago, she tried to contact me. I ignored her. A couple more months passed and she sent me more messages. I couldn't help myself. We started talking and hanging out again. She is falling apart, and I am confused.
She is homeless now, and an emotional wreck. Her most recent ex abused her again, and he is stalking her. She is being shunned by most of her family and friends. She is not getting psychiatric help anymore. She is lighting things on fire, and breaking windshields in moving cars. She hates herself. And I don't know why she reached out to me. Sometimes she says that she misses me, but she also says that she isn't attracted to me. She touches me, a lot, but it's mostly platonic. I don't have money or a place to live myself, so I cannot shelter her, even if I want to. It should be clear now that I miss our relationship, and that if I am attracted to someone who is so sick I need help myself. I am seeing a therapist. But I don't need help like she does. I am not the one who is in physical danger right now.
Thank you for reading so much. I have a lot I need to share
Last edited: