I keep trying to figure this out. Do they know? Are they aware? My SO says yes, they absolutely kno...
It's such an insidious process when exposure to pathological behavior starts in early childhood, because it isnt just exposure, its being incorporated into the perpetrators agenda. The natural primal instincts of children is to bond with a parent in a way that doesnt entirely leave them separate beings, that comes later in child development. The consciousness of a child is ' if mom or dad is okay, then I am ok '. That's how the mental and and emotional gymnastics begin, in later years when average young adults would be feeling out challenging a parents reality and coping systems to form a separate identity, it doesnt happen smoothly for these kids.
Generally it becomes an all or nothing situation based on total alliance with or total defection from the parent, because thats what an NPD will demand. Even so much as looking like you're considering the options with clarity will create an instinctual backlash from the parent and other siblings who will sense you are doing that. I personally dont see any difference in this process for kids and people who are struggling to leave a cult like church. I've been involved in both and the experience is identical.
It's so easy to see when a church leader is nuts and wonder why someone doesnt just walk away. But thats from someone who had at least some fully formed self identity before they looked at it. When you dont, the primal fear that you may not exist or survive without your person thats nuts, overwhelms the willingness to take the risk.