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- #25
@Friday I agree with what you are saying and it is a very valid point, the ideal mom is a unicorn and even in good homes people don't always learn the skills they need to survive. For most people though they have a reasonable expectation that they will be cared for to some extent during childhood and maybe even past that. Maybe I do look at other peoples mom experience jealous twinges as a result of my limited view of their family dynamics. Asking me to re frame that part of my thinking is awesome. I do appreciate that.
It is a heavy burden to know from a young age that you truly are alone in the world and can't depend on anyone, and you aren't equipped to care for your self. It's terrifying knowing that because you lack the knowledge to take care of yourself, but can't figure out how to obtain outside help, you have a shit storm of trial and error pain headed your way. Decision making becomes terrifying because you want to make good decisions but the best intentions always turn out to be wrong so you get pain + tall the "you made your bed, lie in it" or "can't fix stupid" comments. I left so many major decisions to fate because I couldn't decide because I would freeze due to fear of ridicule from others and the self loathing that follows.
The worst part is a good 65% of what I want to say about this, I see in visual images that don't translate well to words.
I know even with a good family you understand a lot of what I am saying. And at this point I need to do more reassessing. And digest because my brain is overheating and starting to smoke from over analyzing.
It is a heavy burden to know from a young age that you truly are alone in the world and can't depend on anyone, and you aren't equipped to care for your self. It's terrifying knowing that because you lack the knowledge to take care of yourself, but can't figure out how to obtain outside help, you have a shit storm of trial and error pain headed your way. Decision making becomes terrifying because you want to make good decisions but the best intentions always turn out to be wrong so you get pain + tall the "you made your bed, lie in it" or "can't fix stupid" comments. I left so many major decisions to fate because I couldn't decide because I would freeze due to fear of ridicule from others and the self loathing that follows.
The worst part is a good 65% of what I want to say about this, I see in visual images that don't translate well to words.
I know even with a good family you understand a lot of what I am saying. And at this point I need to do more reassessing. And digest because my brain is overheating and starting to smoke from over analyzing.
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