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I went to my graduation today, so I have graduated!
Going back to university was terribly hard for me last year. I was having high anxiety and panic attacks most days when I left the house, particularly the first term, but I stuck it out, and today I graduated. Six months later than my peers, but hey I got there! I did not go to my earlier degrees graduation ceremonies, I was not good enough, and no one had time to come, everyone in my family had more important things to do, I was last on the list and first off the list. But this time despite the dsyfunctional stuff that happened prior to the day, and today, I turned up and went through it. Why I would ever expect anything to do with my family to be anything but passive aggressive garbage - I think that is what you call denial , delusional thinking or something else - maladaptive expectations. Other stuff happened as well - I didn't go into a total melt down. I didn't let it completely over take me. It was an issue but I soldiered on.
At my graduation and I asked a woman if she could take a photo of me to send to my friends. She said to me that I might want to smile, to show I was happy. I almost started crying, and a little later I almost started sobbing. But I pulled a cheesy fake smile out and smiled. So faking it until I make it.
I graduated today.
Going back to university was terribly hard for me last year. I was having high anxiety and panic attacks most days when I left the house, particularly the first term, but I stuck it out, and today I graduated. Six months later than my peers, but hey I got there! I did not go to my earlier degrees graduation ceremonies, I was not good enough, and no one had time to come, everyone in my family had more important things to do, I was last on the list and first off the list. But this time despite the dsyfunctional stuff that happened prior to the day, and today, I turned up and went through it. Why I would ever expect anything to do with my family to be anything but passive aggressive garbage - I think that is what you call denial , delusional thinking or something else - maladaptive expectations. Other stuff happened as well - I didn't go into a total melt down. I didn't let it completely over take me. It was an issue but I soldiered on.
At my graduation and I asked a woman if she could take a photo of me to send to my friends. She said to me that I might want to smile, to show I was happy. I almost started crying, and a little later I almost started sobbing. But I pulled a cheesy fake smile out and smiled. So faking it until I make it.
I graduated today.
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