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Grief...?

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Deleted member 37474

Today, I realized that I have never grieved my sexual assault, death of my grandmother, loss of friendships...

Is this avoidance? A fear that letting go is somehow giving up my control over the trauma?

Every week, at the end of my appointment with my ex-therapist, she would look at me and say, "you don't want to carry this around with you forever." Maybe I do? Am I afraid to grieve because if I recover and feel joy, won't more bad things happen?
 
Maybe I do? Am I afraid to grieve because if I recover and feel joy, won't more bad things happen?
I've often wonder about this as well.
I get pissed off at myself that I haven't figured out how let this shit go and just move past it. Part of it for me is that my brain (not thinkin' parts) is calling the shots a lot of the time. That makes it harder to ignore. THAT along with the cognitive distortions makes it painful.
That's our amygdala stepping in and trying to protect something that doesn't need to be protected.
Could things go sideways again? Shit is ALWAYS going sideways. The thing is your older and wiser. Even if more bad things happen, they were going to happen anyway!
 
Personally, I think it is more about society. There is no time to grieve. People get all freaked out when someone grieves. There is no place to grieve. And besides, there are pills for that. Why not take them so that you can continue to get on with things?

I doubt it is avoidance. It just isn't a process that is respected in society.
 
the DSM pathologized grief
You know, I remember my therapist saying I needed to grieve the things I lost.
I don't think about that much. But he has a point. I've not even tried to grieve the things I missed. I've not tried. I don't think I'm afraid of feeling joy but I'm afraid if I give it that much attention I won't be able to keep it under control. It feels... well, dangerous. Like I'll lose control and it will take over thing.
Mostly I think I'm afraid of having to acknowledge what all I've lost. For me I think it's about caring. I don't want to care because not acknowledging it hurts less.
boy... that sounds lame. But it's self protection. OH! HI amygdala. and also f*ck YOU amygdala.
Of course, that's all a distortion. Nothing bad is going to happen if I grieve and find some way to move past it. It will be uncomfortable but nature abhors a vacuum and something else better will fill that space.:O_o:
 
Personally "grief" I find is overrated. You can't be 100% present and in the "now" if you're grieving. But that's just my preference ... that and the fact that the things to "grieve" over will just increase with age. Me personally at 57... I don't want to "grief" for the rest of my life so I narrow my scope and zero in on those things that affect today. But that's just me.

There is a 3 year window for "healthy grieving", however it doesn't take an Einstein to realize that if you're appropriating past or extraneous family, acquaintances and coworkers and "feel" compelled to grieve over losses it's a habit turned behavior that can eventually lock you into a grief cycle for the rest of your life. Straight up. Seen it up close and personally and that ain't gonna be me.
 
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