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Medical When survivors give birth

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Melp283

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Has anyone read When Survivors Give Birth
? I'm almost 8 months pregnant and debating whether or not to buy this book. I am hoping that it will help me with my doctor. My OB and I have been going back and forth over a cesarean section (I have more than 1 indicator for this birth route anyways, but my doc doesn't like csections) and I don't think she fully understands how much this pregnancy is already affected me (constant nightmares and panic attacks have returned and I cannot take my normal medication). I want my first (and only) birth to be as controlled as it can be to reduce the possibility of more trauma. When I asked her if she could guarantee no men present during a vaginal birth (vaginal birth being her preference, not mine) there was quiet a bit of uncertainty followed up by reassurance that it was probably possible. Not good enough for me.
Insight anyone? Not just on the book, but on the process as well? I felt like a freak bringing it up on the pregnancy forum I have been frequenting. No help there...
 
When I was going through I.V.F. I was also desperately seeking someone who would to a VBAC. I The loss of control felt during a c-section was horrific for me. I was already terrified. And being forced to lay there for a very long period of time with your stomach cut open and not being able to get up if you feel the need, and the sensation of when they are putting everything back inside and you can feel them touching your lungs. OH god, that horrible feeling of them adjusting your intestines and organs and feeling your lungs being moved....

Honestly I would do it for the desperation of wanting a baby, but I wouldn't cope well mentally.

You have so much more control during vaginal births and if you have a midwife or a dula, you really have much more control, unless there is an extreme emergency situation, which would warrant a c-section anyways.
 
Do you have a psychologist or therapist you could enlist to discuss things with your ob/gyn?

I don't know the nature of your trauma, but c-sections can be deeply unpleasant as well. However, that may be a better option for you if having your vagina exposed, examined, stretched and potentially damaged is going to cause you a bad psychological reaction.
 
Exposure, stretching, and damage is exactly what will send me over the edge. I can't even get through the yearly exam without a panic attack or dissociation. I don't currently have a therapist unfortunately. After I changed jobs last August my schedule changed and my old therapist was unable to accommodate me. I live in a small town so the nearest alternative is 45 minutes away.
I feel like if I choose this path I will handle it much easier. I have had surgeries in the past, including abdominal surgery, so I am at least aware of how frightening and out of control it can feel. Choosing this outright instead of requiring an emergency one after a failed vaginal attempt would mean a world of difference in my perception of control.
 
Does your OB know that you have PTSD? Is she aware of your desires?
 
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