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How do you feel feelings?

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barefoot

MyPTSD Pro
Title is a big question!

What I'm really pondering is...Unless I am feeling an intense, extreme feeling e.g. anxiety is off the scale, high levels of panic and fear, raging anger etc I don't really ever know what I'm feeling.

I think part of the difficulty is that, unless I am feeling these kinds of extreme feelings, I don't believe I am feeling anything.

But I'm just starting to think, that can't be true, can it? It can't be that I'm feeling nothing. I must be feeling *something* even if it is only a mild feeling?

And this maybe explains why I am so bad at noticing when I am gettig dysregulated. I hardly ever notice when I am feeling slightly anxious or when my mood starts to dip...I only seem to register it when my anxiety has rocketed and I'm in a bad state or when I have a full-on depressive crash. If I could notice these things earlier, I could take steps to try to nip things in the bud as opposed to having to try to drag myself back from where it's already all gone to shit.

If I try to "tune in" and think about how I feel (if there isn't an intense feeling happening) I am just at a loss. I don't have a sense of feeling anything. And I often can't even think of words of emotions to then think of a list and go through them to see if any of them seem to click in the moment.

I'm just curious....what has anyone else done to try to identify/connect to feelings that are more just every day, not extreme feelings? I feel a bit....hollow...not being able to do this.

I'm thinking body scans may be one way but they have always tended to make me panicky and anxious. I also journal and, while I find it easier to express myself in writing, I still find it just as difficult to identify/name/connect to feelings during that process.

Any ideas gratefully received. I would like to be less hollow! And I think it would be helpful for therapy too if I could have more awareness of - and a greater connection to - how I am feeling any given time (not just when I'm having a meltdown!)
 
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I read somewhere here, not sure who posted it. (I think maybe Anthony) How they actually had to look up the definitions of different feelings as they didn't know what they were anymore. Happy. Sad. Sorrow. Relaxed. etc.

Maybe start there.
Best of luck!
 
Title is a big question!

What I'm really pondering is...Unless I am feeling an intense, extreme feel...

So I know exactly how you feel. I think because some of us had experienced so much trauma in childhood regular emotions and feelings are neglected and replaced by numbness or hollowness as you describe. It's not that you don't feel these emotions I think it's your mind and body trying to protect itself. I found that I have a hard time maintaining positive emotions because my abuser would punish me because she didn't like that I was happy about this or that and I had to be miserable like her and do what she said and act how she would act etc. I find myself only feeling certain positive emotions for maybe a hour or two out of a full day being awake and in the world. Sometimes I just feel blah or neutral as a way to protect myself I guess. I know it's not a bad thing but again if I feel too much of one emotion it's the end of the world sometimes I get so anxious about it I want the die or hide or just give up on life. Or if something is so great and positive something bad must happen to balance it out which is quite a silly way to think and I have to remind myself of this daily. It's okay if things are good for a while without any bad emotions and it's okay if it's only bad feelings for a few days or weeks. We all express and feel and heal differently so don't beat yourself up if you feel something or maybe an emotion that isn't quite right or maybe it's questionable why you feel that emotion as it could be an emotional flashback from the past un earthing itself in present day. So be gentle and let yourself feel but if it overwhelms you that's okay just try and see what happens. Emotions are okay for us CPTSD people. We just prefer and function better with smaller frequencies. I hope that makes sense I'm here for you if you need to talk.
 
My T had given me a bunch of homework assignments on this kind of thing. He once told me, "We need to give you more stopping off points between 'everything is fine' and 'the end the world is HERE!'."

Of course, I can't remembermost of them right now.... I do remember he had me arrange as many words as I could come up with for varying levels of related feelings, with the idea that they blend together like colors on a rainbow. Like fear> caution> curiosity> interest, etc. I'm still not good at this, but I fool around with it from time to time. And, it still comes up in sessions that he'll mention something as being "a feeling" and I'll have the surprised response "THAT is a feeling??" (Which usually makes him laugh. Although I'm not trying to be funny.)
 
I got the impression from my T that we survivors all feel anger or fear or happiness but are not as familiar with more complex emotions. All I ever seemed to come up with was sad as my descriptor in session. I do feel frustrated, excited, etc., but run on an even keel most times. I like to think that is normal and Im doing alright vs numbing out.
I think if you react "normally" to different circumstances, you are ok vs never feeling anything or being in a continued state of over reacting. I suppose it all comes back to balance and realizing the proper response.
 
@leehalf Yes...I feel a bit silly but maybe I do need to look some feelings up and remind myself of their meanings/differences so that I have a list of possibles.

We just prefer and function better with smaller frequencies.

Yes, I think that's probably true.

We need to give you more stopping off points between 'everything is fine' and 'the end the world is HERE!'."

Ha! Yes...exactly! :-) I quite like that idea of working out different levels of related feelings. I mean, I think it sounds very difficult and I'm not sure how far I'll get. But it sounds like a potentially useful exercise.
 
@watundah I think maybe what I am trying to work out is: am I not feeling anything/numbing or am I just feeling ok but can't pinpoint any more specific feelings because I'm just...yeah...normal...just ok...

Maybe I am over-thinking...? ;-)
 
I have a cartoon feeling chart on my refridgerator and before I feel a emotion, I get alot of anxiety and until I talk about it out loud to someone, I am not aware of the intense emotions I am feeling. Now when the anxiety comes badly, I know what to do and it really makes a huge difference for me. Good luck in finding what best works for you.
 
I also have a difficult time with this! Unless it is an intense emotion like anxiety or anger I'm not aware of a particular feeling at any time. My T will sporadically ask me during session how I feel or what I'm feeling and I will have to do a body scan and really think about it. A lot of times it can be difficult to try to put a label on it bc I am unsure if it isn't at an extreme level.
 
Andrew Solomon wrote an amazing section in his book The Noonday Demon about how he became very mistrustful of happiness. How sadness and despair had become his baseline and happiness seemed an aberration. Forced. Unnatural. It felt like work. He never trusted happiness. I agree and long before PTSD I felt this way. I can identify emotions easily. I actually like to laugh and feel joy. Or genuinely care for someone's well-being. Or be charitable. Hell, even feel pride and self-worth as rare as that's become.

I just don't trust any of these emotions. I only trust sadness, despair, loneliness, cynicism. At least they stick around.
 
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