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My Way To Fight Back

  • Thread starter Deleted member 19804
  • Start date
Thanks, guys :happy: you're awesome.

Today is one of my tougher days. I've been feeling quite vulnerable lately, and today I feel like I'm on the verge of crying. No real reason for it, just an accumulation of everything that's been going on, I guess.

I need something positive in my life, something that gives my life more structure. But whenever I start working on something, I tend to overexert myself, which then impacts the amount of work I can do. One thing that I know makes me really happy is having a dog. I don't have one of my own, I only have our family dog that I see once every 2 weeks, on average. And I really bonded with my last foster dog. She was really calm and affectionate, perfect for me. So I let the organisation know that if she becomes available for adoption, I really want to take her. I think we would have the best time together. But currently she's only a foster dog, and she still has (crappy) owners that can ask for her back when they get their life together. Fingers crossed they decide to give her up.
 
Thanks for the hugs and the support, @Rain :hug: :hug:

Yesterday I was feeling ill, and I'm still not feeling great, but it's better today. I have got tissues lying around everywhere, it's pretty gross, lol.
I've been feeling a little down and sad lately, but that seems to be improving as well. There's still no news on the dog. I really miss her.

One thing that has been very good about last week is that I finally went kickboxing again. I've been wanting to do that for a very long time. I took an introduction course a few years back and I liked it, but I hated that the little hall it was in had a whole wall with mirrors, like in a dance studio. I really didn't like seeing myself while exercising; it hurt my focus and my self confidence.
This time, however, I went somewhere else with a close friend of mine. There were no mirrors, the trainer was a regular guy (instead of the perfectly muscular, polished types at my old gym), and the training was simple but effective. I have not worked out this hard for a very long time. Afterwards, my hands were shaking, I could barely lift my arms and I was exhausted, but I felt awesome. Especially when the trainer told me I was picking it up quite quickly :) That made me feel really empowered, and I still feel that way now.
So I'm going to make this a weekly thing. It's nice to be this excited about something again. I needed that.

My classes at uni start in early October, because I only have to pass one more course to get my BSc. This course is one of my least favourite of all time, but I'm looking forward to getting into the work flow again. I will have to pace myself, because I tend to go all in on something and then end up too exhausted and stressed to function. That's another reason to keep kickboxing: the stress relief and distraction will come in handy.

My T is on a vacation at the moment, but I have a new appointment later this week. We're getting close to the end of the EMDR of my main trauma, but we both feel that I probably could use some more treatment after that. One of my main goals is to no longer have to take antidepressants, and right now I still really need them. It's a scary thought, to be finished with EMDR and not feel like I'm 100% better yet. I don't want to feel weak and damaged anymore. It's not who I am.

I'm probably going to spend today doing nothing but watching Netflix and doing some cleaning. I've stocked up on soup, breadsticks, natural nasal spray and fresh fruit juice. I'm hoping that taking good care of myself will help me kick this cold more quickly.
 
I've been feeling a little down and sad lately, but that seems to be improving as well. There's still no news on the dog. I really miss her.

Still hoping that you will get the dog or find out something very soon so as not to leave you hanging. Crossing my fingers for you and supporting you through the down time. Love and support:hug::hug::hug:
 
Thank you, Rain :hug: :hug: :hug:

You're right, I just really want to know what to expect. If I can't have the dog, I want to know so I can maybe adopt another one from a shelter. I feel like having the right dog would help me stay stable and be happy. And I know I would love it with all my heart. I'll post it here if I get any news.
 
I think I'm almost over my cold, which must be some sort of record for me; it usually lasts weeks! I'm very pleased that enough rest and healthy eating can actually mean I can get over a cold in a normal period of time.

Tonight I'm going kickboxing again, and I'm really looking forward to it. It's a bit scary for me, because I'm going to go alone. A friend of my friend will be there as well, but I've only seen him once or twice. However, my friend told me he'd like to go kickboxing with me. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm glad he seems to like me as a person. For some reason I always assume that new people will dislike me. It's nice to hear that's not the case this time.

I've been really bored sitting at home doing nothing, and I'm very much looking forward to kicking some heavy bag ass tonight :D
 
I'm on my way home from kickboxing now. Turns out I was the only person who came (it's kind of a walk-in training). There were some people hanging around but they were all male, and so is the trainer. A year ago that would have terrified me. Not this time. I good a positive vibe from the place and the trainer was also very nice to me. We ended up having a friendly, not at all scary chat afterwards.

I'm feeling pretty tired and should already be sleeping. So that's what I'm gonna do :)
 
It's been a tough few days for me. Though I have been taking better care of myself in general, I'm feeling a bit crappy because I broke up with my boyfriend. He's a great guy and he has always treated me with care and respect, but we were not going to work out. We have both known that for a long time, and I didn't want us to slowly grow to dislike each other as neither one of us was fully comfortable in our relationship dynamic. I think we both deserve to be happier than that. So it sucks, because I still have a lot of feelings for him. But I do stand by my decision.

My last mandatory course at uni has started this week. It's a course I'm terrible at, so I will need to work hard on this one. I have been to class so far, so that's something. I am planning to keep going to every class and ask as many questions as I need in order to understand the material. It will be lots of hard work, but I think I'm up for it this time. Last semester, I had to take this same course whilst also writing my thesis. As I am redoing this course now, at least it will be the only one.
 
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