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How do i not respond when all my buttons are pushed?

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Ehusit

I hate when people do something awful, you have what most would deem a normal human reaction, then the person who instigated suddenly claims you're the "crazy, irrational" one.

For example, my sufferer hung up on me mid-conversation yesterday. We weren't fighting or yelling, though things were a little tense, and I went quiet for a minute to gather my thoughts. He said "You're not going to say anything, guess this conversation's over" and hung up, knowing full well this is one of my greatest pet peeves, as I find it it to be one of the most rude and insulting things you can do to someone. Right after he hung up, he texted me saying I had the nerve to "bother" him while he was heading into the store, and since I had nothing useful to say, he "didn't have time" for it.

I lost it. I texted back "f*ck you" and "don't contact me again". When he realized I meant it, of course he then started calling and texting, changing his tune slightly. As more time went on, he got scared and desperate and even apologized. I don't know what I'm going to do about it all yet. I believe that if you yank on a dog's tail so many times, you can't be surprised when it finally turns around and bites you, but I also want to be better than all that. Help!
 
Don't forget that you are human too. You're allowed to be tired or sad or cranky. So you're not always going to react the way you would like to, with endless compassion and understanding.
As a supporter myself, I'm guessing this is more of a 'final straw' thing than you breaking up with him for hanging up on you once. Everyone has a breaking point as far as what they can tolerate from a partner. Maybe you've reached yours. Maybe not. Only you know.
If not, are you able to talk to him about it calmly? Is he able to respond calmly?
 
Can understand the "f*ck you".

What I can't understand is how "it's over" type language creeps into everyday arguments. It's incredibly damaging to the relationship. If you meant it, then follow through. If you don't want to break up the relationship? Curb your tantrums, because no one, ptsd sufferer or otherwise, wants to constantly be under threat that you might walk away at the drop of a hat.
 
I agree that having every minor argument descend into "its over" is damaging to the relationship. My sufferer used to do it to me. Sadly, now I do it to him. I hate that I do it, but I feel so desperate in the moment. Its hard to be told to curb your tantrums when the sufferer throws tantrums on a daily basis.
 
Your SO's behaviour is a different issue altogether. It's not necessarily acceptable. But just because he might not yet be able to regulate his emotions, doesn't mean you can't work on controlling yours. In this relationship, if he has ptsd, it's going to be really important for you, and the relationship, that it doesn't descend into "its over" every time your stress levels start to boil.

Could you practice just walking away from the situation? Some kind of way to self-care that doesn't amount to a yelling match?
 
@Imab. That's the whole point. We ALWAYS have to control our emotions. It gets very frustrating to not be able to share and express our feelings with our SO.
 
@Imab. That's the whole point. We ALWAYS have to control our emotions. It gets very frustrating to not be able to share...

No, you don't.

But if you're boiling over with equal frequency, abort, abort! This is not the relationship for you.
 
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