Recent events have made me furious with my family even more so then I have been in the past, and I can't keep doing this back and forth with them where I feel like crap for days on end for even talking to them. I've made the decision to go fully no contact instead of the limited relationship I've had.
My father has never seen my house or come to visit me, and we've been here a few years. (No one in my family has actually.) I only live 2 states away and he takes cruises and vacations several times a year, so money is not the issue. My daughter kept bugging me about when my father was going to come visit, and I have been telling her that I didn't know. So, I broke down and asked him directly a couple of days ago. He of course got mad and said I was trying to start crap with him, when all I said was "your granddaughter wanted to know when you were going to see our house". We've had several friends just buy houses, and all their families came cross country right after the closing to see their kids' houses. And one of my friend's parents drives to Virginia from Texas routinely to help out with repairs. So I didn't think I was being unreasonable.
Well, I got nothing but silence for hours, and then a close friend of mine called to tell me that another friend of ours died. I was pretty upset, and I still am. It was one of those preventable deaths, and I hadn't even known how bad the situation was that my friend had been in. I moved away years ago, only kept in touch every once in a while. I was on the phone, and my father kept texting me about how he was going to visit on November 11th, that was the only day. I told him that my friend died and I'd have to talk to him later, and I'd have to check the calendar. My dad's response was, "ok".
Yesterday, my father never once said anything to me about my friend, but now he's not coming to visit at all because I told him I didn't know if the 11th would work. I'm in college and we have a lot going on the next 2 months. So now he's angry with me, which is so dumb because usually people do some planning if they are going to travel, not just pick a date and then throw a fit. I had hoped that when I said something to him, it would at least open up a dialogue about visiting, and we could plan a date from there.
But then it just kept getting worse. My dad likes to post really awful stuff on social media, mainly Facebook. I'm not on Facebook, but my husband is and for some reason my dad likes to follow my best friend (I think only because she has a famous brother). Aside from the belligerent hateful stuff, he also posts horrible things about women. (He doesn't think they should work, and likes to comment on their appearance.) And this most recent post hit too close to home. He posted a picture of a half naked large breasted woman with the caption, "These are the type of women Italy has" and then a picture of a group of geeky type girls reading books with the caption, "And these are the type America is stuck with. See the problem?" I am a geeky type girl. I wear glasses, I love tech and science and geek culture. I have a Star Wars collection that fills 2 rooms of my house. He's made comments to me in the past about me not being attractive and being a dork, so I know this could be considered a dig at me. He has two daughters, and 3 granddaughters.
But anyway, I can't keep getting so upset about all his actions every month, so I'm taking the steps to just not include him or any of my family in my life anymore. It's not healthy for my daughter, considering I grew up always feeling like shit about myself because of them.
Question is, do you tell them you aren't going to have anything to do with them anymore? Or do you just do it and let them figure it out?
My father has never seen my house or come to visit me, and we've been here a few years. (No one in my family has actually.) I only live 2 states away and he takes cruises and vacations several times a year, so money is not the issue. My daughter kept bugging me about when my father was going to come visit, and I have been telling her that I didn't know. So, I broke down and asked him directly a couple of days ago. He of course got mad and said I was trying to start crap with him, when all I said was "your granddaughter wanted to know when you were going to see our house". We've had several friends just buy houses, and all their families came cross country right after the closing to see their kids' houses. And one of my friend's parents drives to Virginia from Texas routinely to help out with repairs. So I didn't think I was being unreasonable.
Well, I got nothing but silence for hours, and then a close friend of mine called to tell me that another friend of ours died. I was pretty upset, and I still am. It was one of those preventable deaths, and I hadn't even known how bad the situation was that my friend had been in. I moved away years ago, only kept in touch every once in a while. I was on the phone, and my father kept texting me about how he was going to visit on November 11th, that was the only day. I told him that my friend died and I'd have to talk to him later, and I'd have to check the calendar. My dad's response was, "ok".
Yesterday, my father never once said anything to me about my friend, but now he's not coming to visit at all because I told him I didn't know if the 11th would work. I'm in college and we have a lot going on the next 2 months. So now he's angry with me, which is so dumb because usually people do some planning if they are going to travel, not just pick a date and then throw a fit. I had hoped that when I said something to him, it would at least open up a dialogue about visiting, and we could plan a date from there.
But then it just kept getting worse. My dad likes to post really awful stuff on social media, mainly Facebook. I'm not on Facebook, but my husband is and for some reason my dad likes to follow my best friend (I think only because she has a famous brother). Aside from the belligerent hateful stuff, he also posts horrible things about women. (He doesn't think they should work, and likes to comment on their appearance.) And this most recent post hit too close to home. He posted a picture of a half naked large breasted woman with the caption, "These are the type of women Italy has" and then a picture of a group of geeky type girls reading books with the caption, "And these are the type America is stuck with. See the problem?" I am a geeky type girl. I wear glasses, I love tech and science and geek culture. I have a Star Wars collection that fills 2 rooms of my house. He's made comments to me in the past about me not being attractive and being a dork, so I know this could be considered a dig at me. He has two daughters, and 3 granddaughters.
But anyway, I can't keep getting so upset about all his actions every month, so I'm taking the steps to just not include him or any of my family in my life anymore. It's not healthy for my daughter, considering I grew up always feeling like shit about myself because of them.
Question is, do you tell them you aren't going to have anything to do with them anymore? Or do you just do it and let them figure it out?