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Dom Violence Gathering up the courage to file charges

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I know that if he were behind bars right now I would feel better, but I also worry about going through the process of accomplishing that
Maybe there's a third way, if you're safe right now it might be ok to say "not now, but when I'm ready". And promise yourself that when you're ready - be that 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 years, you'll do it.
 
Yeah you guys are right. I should wait.

I just had a really difficult session with my therapist, revolving around the sexual assault aspect of things. She had to start using a technique for when things are too distressing to be focused on for any length of time, and it still felt pretty distressing. I need to distract the f*ck out of myself now. There is no way I could go through this shit with anyone at the present time.

Thanks for the help.
 
IF I were you... I would obviously continue with my therapist but I would also talk with a domestic violence advocate. They really are a great resource. They would be able to answer ALL of your questions. And share different options you could have.

Just my 2 cents.

Good for you for getting yourself away from him! You're awesome!
 
Just be careful.

A restraining order tells people to stay away, and can result in punishment after the fact if it is violated.

A woman in the area was just killed because she took out a restraining order and her ex flipped out.

I just don’t want you to feel like a restraining order does more than it actually can.
 
Just be careful.

A restraining order tells people to stay away, and can result in punishment after the fact if it is violated.

A woman in the area was just killed because she took out a restraining order and her ex flipped out.

I just don’t want you to feel like a restraining order does more than it actually can.

Well, that kind of throws gasoline on my paranoia fire, hahaha. At least I can joke about it.

I kind of need to not think about this shit for a while but I'll just throw this out there for now: maybe it would be wise for me to address the physical assault now, and then worry about filing charges for the sexual assault some other time, when I can handle it better. I think I can easily talk about the physical assault, even though sometimes I do re-experience being given some of the worse injuries he gave me. I have a lot of issues that have to do with the physical assault aspect of things, but I definitely have an easier time talking about that than the sexual assault.

One thing I will say (mostly to calm myself) is that I think he would have done something by now if he was going to attack me. It's been over a month since the long-term restraining order was issued.
 
yes for waiting if that makes you more comfortable.

@EveHarrington is correct that a restraining order can make things worse -- but it also a way to protect yourself. They are a double edged sword. That's where I think the advocate will be a good option - they can help you figure out what you need to do to stay safe while you deal with the day to day stuff
 
I'm having a lot of trouble building up the courage to go and file charges against the person who fo...

Without any other thought, file. Convey every concern and what has been going on. Take the step to end it and start the paper trail for the next person. As awful as that sounds that is all I could do, file and start the paper trail for the next person, because I was the first to have the courage to file.

You’ll feel better once you do it. And if you are that afraid of the retaliation I’m sure measures can be taken to further protect you. Each of us deserves a life much greater than that, one without any of that, you owe it to yourself.

I still have reoccurring dreams and am afraid to do things by myself some days, but not all the days are bad ones. It takes baby steps to heal, and it sounds like you’re trying to take the first step towards that.
 
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