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Thoughts Of Revenge

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jmni

MyPTSD Pro
Is there any method that actually works for dealing with thoughts of revenge? I have been preoccupied for the last year and a half. The bad thing is that when it goes through my head, my mind reaffirms it because I feel they really deserve it.
 
Usually when I am lost in, or preoccupied with, intense thought loops involving justice at last, I am trying to alleviate feelings of intense discomfort inside - as if what I imagine could really fix what ails me. So I try to do what I can to bring myself to a state of calm and that usually entails working out because I am loaded with adrenalin.

It is natural to want and demand justice somehow, but depending on the method you are imagining - it can cause you, not them, more grief and problems.

In the end, I just want to be healed. Those who did harm will get theirs in the end. I don't know if what you are picturing is legal justice - which would be a good thing, or some kind of violence or what.

You are number one. They are below last.
 
I have a lot of rage about some things but obsessing over it just hurts me. Sometimes we can't 'let something go' so venting the anger in a healthy way by say writing a letter, punching a pillow, sprinting or whatever can help.
The world's a cruel and unfair place, which can be infuriating, but we can do things to take care of ourselves.
 
I try to focus on loving myself. I am trying to make the best possible me and have no control over other people's actions. I am working on making the best possible me and I need all of the energy I can muster to do that. Yes, I would love to see 'what goes around comes around'. I am not counting on that although I would get tremendous joy out of it. :cool: I feel like people who are like that are bound to self destruct somewhere along the line. For yourself though, as @franciemarnie mentioned,
it can cause you, not them, more grief and problems.
 
A lot of times I feel like I will want to get revenge, and what helps me is knowing that I'm the better person for not getting revenge.

Example:
I was raped and I often will want something bad to happen to my rapist, like really bad...like a piano falling from a 30 ft. building on him. But then I have to think to myself, is that thought productive or not? Usually the answer is no, and I try to let it go. Usually when I have to let that thought go I have to ground myself, and grounding myself helps me think of other things that aren't really related to the thought. I think it's normal to feel revenge to the people that hurt us. So you are completely normal! (:

Also writing stuff out helps a lot for me. Just to be able to write something down makes me feel so much better too!
Hope this helps a little bit!
 
1. Draw it, write it, act it out with pillows.

2. Go to the gym, borrow boxing gloves and hit a punch bag. Or smash old plates in a sack, or whatever falls in your range of safe physical expression.

3. Do something symbolic to release it, like writing it on paper and burning it, or identifying stones with your thoughts and burying them, imagining the people concerned getting smaller and smaller until they become dots and then vanish.

Then stop yourself from thinking about it. If you must, allow yourself to think about it for one hour once a week, followed by all the above again. But other than that, don't allow yourself to. Practise DBT skills for distraction if you need to, from a website or workbook, and stop ruminating.

There's a point where we're choosing whether to dwell on it or not. At that point thinking about it is a harmful indulgence. I don't know who said it but - wanting revenge is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will get sick.

In the end it's not so much whether there's a method that works, it's whether you're willing to work the method.
 
The bad thing is that when it goes through my head, my mind reaffirms it because I feel they really deserve it.
Well, my mind does the same thing, though I don't consider it "bad" because certain people I've had the misfortune of knowing really DO deserve everything I can think to wish on them and more. Maybe it's because I come from a pagan background, but I think some things are simply unforgivable and don't find forgiveness to be something I care to work towards.

From a psychological perspective, I doubt that feeling the thoughts or affirmations of them are bad helps either. Revenge is a normal, natural desire after a serious wrong has been done to you.

Having said that, if the revenge fantasies are intrusive and taking up a lot of your time and energy (as they often have been for me--a background in creative writing makes for some *very* detailed and involved revenge fantasies), obviously that's not productive. Wishing fates much worse than a falling piano on the abusers sadly won't make it so. I use distraction techniques, finding something engaging to do, same as I do for other intrusive thoughts. When that fails, I'll sometimes make plans for the things I realistically can do to get a sort of revenge, like ways I can live better and things I can do to help change the laws and broken systems that led to some of my traumas.
 
I just have to laugh as I read this posting today of all days. My abuser had a helicopter that played an important role in his harassment of me which was the cause of the unwinding of me. I just got a picture of it today. Smashed to pieces. Drinking and driving led to drinking and flying. Here in Canada you can fly as a commercial pilot even with TWO 'driving and drinking' charges. Seems insane to me. Luckily nobody was hurt as there were other people in the helicopter but man it feels good to know his one last means of transportation is gone! Just thought it was kismet that I posted about it today not knowing it happened this weekend. Seeing his life all unwind after all that happened - even waiting years .... it is worth it.

Sorry, this isn't usually me. I don't deserve any likes on this but am happy to have been able to express this here.
 
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