falling_wave
MyPTSD Pro
So the dreaded conversation happened. My T is retiring. It won't be all at once but I'll see her less for a while before I lose her. The schedule has been all crazy recently and I could feel this coming. I have great rapport with her but I've felt the conversation is a little more choppy than usual which has been bugging me but I think it's because I've been unconsciouly fearing that I'll lose her. Also I've been really regressing into depression with a general feeling of lonliness and isolation. I kept worrying that I was dissapointing her after all our time together and a small part of me wonders if it's just an excuse for her terminating with me in a way I will be more okay with. I know she cares about me and I think she would be honest with me but it's a side fear of mine. I've really come to depend on my T emotionally just recently going through this transition where I literally have lost everyone else in my life. I know the dependence would get less when I get more people in my life despite that she means the world to me. I don't reach out hardly ever and I respect boundaries despite wanting to see her. I really cried when I found out and I told her so many things about what it means to me talking with her. I've always been embarrassed to tell her before and I think she just understood. I feel so childish reacting with such desperation and I'm glad I told her but thats embarrassing too. I just don't know where I go from here. It feels like such a huge loss to me even though I still have some time spaced out. Another therapist isn't an option for me financially and I don't think I'd want to start over. When I think about coping all the time feeling how I do now it feels desperately exhausting just to survive. I have a good job and everything I need to be okay but I'm burned out and really need someone and a real connection to keep me going. I guess I just need support and guidance from this. I want to talk and I really need a hug but there's no one to go to. I want to take some time off work but I can't let them think I'm in competant and I just feel life is so tiring. I just don't want to face losing her. It feels like I'm reacting to all all the losses in my life all at once and I'm really not strong enough.
Last edited: