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Medical Botched Surgery Nearly Killed Me

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Dorte

I think my childhood trauma and abuse most definitely contributed to me developing PTSD after the botched hernia surgery that left me with internal bleeding, peritonitis and I was told I was less than 24 hrs from dying. I didn't really react at first! My surgeon didn't communicate with me at all! It was when I saw my GP a week after my second surgery to save my life...he said "Do you realise how close you were to dying?"......and something happened in my head...it kind of went CLICK and I all if a sudden remember everything I had gone through as a child...all the things that had been "filed away" because they were too painful to think about. The more I told myself to stop thinking about it...the worse I got!

It was like a huge rush of adrenalin flushed through my body and it wouldn't stop. I am the furthest from an adrenalin junkie you can be...I hate the feeling! It just kept coming and coming and I felt like I was doing a bungee jump every 2 minutes! I ended up sitting in the garage rocking back and forth because I at that point had not slept for almost 2 weeks! I remember looking at my darling husband on morning and said "Take me to the Dr RIGHT NOW". I was losing my mind from not sleeping and constantly being in this adrenalin high! Dr gave me Xanax (which I still take after 4 years...horrible stuff!), but it numbs my mind. I also take strong beta blockers to try and control the physical symptoms of the overload of adrenalin!

I have big issues trusting any Dr's and now I have to have a Colonoscopy in 10 days and I am FREAKING out...thoughts like "will he also perforate my bowel"..."should I get our will done just in case I die this time"....I am so scared but also know if I don't get my tummy investigated...I will be in pain forever without knowing if I actually have some serious problems inside! I am only 45 and would like to still be a mum to my 3 grown up kids and 2 Staffies and a wife to my sweetheart husband but the thought of going through this procedure again that almost killed me is sending me into overload again and I have had to up the beta blockers!

Cross fingers for me on July 30...I am going to need it!

Thanx for listening to me :-)
 
i also am praying if you accept and otherwise hugs if you accept. Take good care of you now if you can; eat healthy; with iron containing foods, walking, deep breathing and coughing, rest-all might help you after and during the surgery.
 
I'm so sorry for what's happening to you I too have to have something like a colonoscopy except it's with my bladder. You will be in my prayers. Feel free to message me if you want to talk
Good luck and take care:hug:
 
I think my childhood trauma and abuse most definitely contributed to me developing PTSD after the botched hernia surgery
Wow, I swear that your story is so similar to mine, though it was a completely different surgery. Here is my story if you care to read :) https://www.myptsd.com/threads/honesty-the-best-policy.55022/

something happened in my head...it kind of went CLICK and I all if a sudden remember everything I had gone through as a child
This is exactly what happened to me too. I obviously had never dealt with my past, but as soon as the traumatic experience happened after the operation, then my mum dying a month after it. . . this is exactly what happened to me and I completely relate with:
The more I told myself to stop thinking about it...the worse I got!

It was like a huge rush of adrenalin flushed through my body and it wouldn't stop. I am the furthest from an adrenalin junkie you can be...I hate the feeling!
This too happened to me:
I was losing my mind from not sleeping and constantly being in this adrenalin high!
Yep, this is me too!:
I have big issues trusting any Dr's

I so know your terror, fear and panic and the unbelievable uncertainty for your health and future. It's terrifying! I also know that your safety core belief has been shook from the foundations and crashed all around you and see when that core belief is annihilated, completely eradicated from you. . . oh my God, that horrific feeling you go through and the symptoms one on top of the other! As well as new ones replacing older symptoms :eek: I get you. I really do.

You mentioned:
Cross fingers for me on July 30
One thing so positive about this that helps you overcome PTSD is fear exposure and this is obviously one that is coming your way. . . and once you get through that, you will definitely start to overcome that adrenaline rushes, start to have a little more control over some of your symptoms. Just always remember one thing - and that is just to breathe, slowly! :tup: I am so glad I found your thread as I haven't read anything on here that resonates with myself (of course other people's threads on here about their fear, symptoms, chronic psycho-somatic physical pain, racing thoughts, terrifying mental images and flashbacks, anxiety and panic attacks, I do relate with as you do too!)

And I do have my fingers crossed for you and wish you well. :) Thank you for sharing! :hug:
 
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