D
Dorte
I think my childhood trauma and abuse most definitely contributed to me developing PTSD after the botched hernia surgery that left me with internal bleeding, peritonitis and I was told I was less than 24 hrs from dying. I didn't really react at first! My surgeon didn't communicate with me at all! It was when I saw my GP a week after my second surgery to save my life...he said "Do you realise how close you were to dying?"......and something happened in my head...it kind of went CLICK and I all if a sudden remember everything I had gone through as a child...all the things that had been "filed away" because they were too painful to think about. The more I told myself to stop thinking about it...the worse I got!
It was like a huge rush of adrenalin flushed through my body and it wouldn't stop. I am the furthest from an adrenalin junkie you can be...I hate the feeling! It just kept coming and coming and I felt like I was doing a bungee jump every 2 minutes! I ended up sitting in the garage rocking back and forth because I at that point had not slept for almost 2 weeks! I remember looking at my darling husband on morning and said "Take me to the Dr RIGHT NOW". I was losing my mind from not sleeping and constantly being in this adrenalin high! Dr gave me Xanax (which I still take after 4 years...horrible stuff!), but it numbs my mind. I also take strong beta blockers to try and control the physical symptoms of the overload of adrenalin!
I have big issues trusting any Dr's and now I have to have a Colonoscopy in 10 days and I am FREAKING out...thoughts like "will he also perforate my bowel"..."should I get our will done just in case I die this time"....I am so scared but also know if I don't get my tummy investigated...I will be in pain forever without knowing if I actually have some serious problems inside! I am only 45 and would like to still be a mum to my 3 grown up kids and 2 Staffies and a wife to my sweetheart husband but the thought of going through this procedure again that almost killed me is sending me into overload again and I have had to up the beta blockers!
Cross fingers for me on July 30...I am going to need it!
Thanx for listening to me :-)
It was like a huge rush of adrenalin flushed through my body and it wouldn't stop. I am the furthest from an adrenalin junkie you can be...I hate the feeling! It just kept coming and coming and I felt like I was doing a bungee jump every 2 minutes! I ended up sitting in the garage rocking back and forth because I at that point had not slept for almost 2 weeks! I remember looking at my darling husband on morning and said "Take me to the Dr RIGHT NOW". I was losing my mind from not sleeping and constantly being in this adrenalin high! Dr gave me Xanax (which I still take after 4 years...horrible stuff!), but it numbs my mind. I also take strong beta blockers to try and control the physical symptoms of the overload of adrenalin!
I have big issues trusting any Dr's and now I have to have a Colonoscopy in 10 days and I am FREAKING out...thoughts like "will he also perforate my bowel"..."should I get our will done just in case I die this time"....I am so scared but also know if I don't get my tummy investigated...I will be in pain forever without knowing if I actually have some serious problems inside! I am only 45 and would like to still be a mum to my 3 grown up kids and 2 Staffies and a wife to my sweetheart husband but the thought of going through this procedure again that almost killed me is sending me into overload again and I have had to up the beta blockers!
Cross fingers for me on July 30...I am going to need it!
Thanx for listening to me :-)