Queen Boudica
MyPTSD Pro
I've been told that damage from complex trauma due to childhood abuse and the associated toxic stress that leads to effectively brain damage and constantly alert fight or flight mechanism is classified in the DSM as Borlderline Personality Disorder.
Is that true? I have the triggers, I have anxiety and deep depression and I have extremely bad self-image and little confidence. But I never thought I had Borderline Personality because of that.
Now I am told that is the DSM diagnosis. And I am in a state because I don't think I match BPD. And being given that diagnosis when I saw the extreme behaviour of my mother and sister and I have tried so hard not to be anything like them, has just knocked me back down again.
my sister had BPD and I know what the symptoms were for her and these are listed below and I don't think I match enough symptoms for that:
Marked mood swings with periods of intense depression, irritability and/or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days. -
Inappropriate, intense or uncontrolled anger. -
Impulsiveness -
Unstable intense personal relationships with extreme black and white views of people and experiences, some times alternating between “all good” idealisation and “all bad”.
Chronic boredom and feeling of emptiness.
Is that true? I have the triggers, I have anxiety and deep depression and I have extremely bad self-image and little confidence. But I never thought I had Borderline Personality because of that.
Now I am told that is the DSM diagnosis. And I am in a state because I don't think I match BPD. And being given that diagnosis when I saw the extreme behaviour of my mother and sister and I have tried so hard not to be anything like them, has just knocked me back down again.
my sister had BPD and I know what the symptoms were for her and these are listed below and I don't think I match enough symptoms for that:
Marked mood swings with periods of intense depression, irritability and/or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days. -
- YEs I am depressed - hardly surprising, considering everything that has happened and yes of course I suffer from anxiety, that was the result of the toxic stress in both my childhood and marriage, so yes I have a continuously primed flight or flight system.
- Don’t think I have mood swings, I am depressed all the time, just when I stop and think about it then it overwhelms me.
- I get panic attacks bad ones. Not mood swings.
- And I get triggered - not mood swings
Inappropriate, intense or uncontrolled anger. -
- Don’t think I have intense uncontrolled anger. My mother, sister and my ex had that, I don't think I ever get to that kind of state
Impulsiveness -
- Don’t think so, think I am reserved and scared to do stuff and have to psych myself up.
- Considering how depressed I am and how my whole life has been turned upside down and how much I have been through yes, there are moments when feel like I want to die. I think it is like that quote from Stephen Fry “It’s like contemplating a future-less future and so you just want to step out of it. The monstrosity of being alive overwhelms you.”
- I have never once attempted suicide and there were times I did want to really die after he was violent or abusive to me.
- A lot of my sisters suicide threats were about attention. Last thing I ever want is attention. And if I do ask for attention, it is because I really do need help, and afterwards I am ashamed for having needed that attention.
- Yes I was bulimic and that was a way of coping the extreme stress.
- Considering all I went through, I should be an alcoholic, using drugs, promiscuous, smoking etc. None of which I have done, which a typical BPD would do.
Unstable intense personal relationships with extreme black and white views of people and experiences, some times alternating between “all good” idealisation and “all bad”.
- Exact description of my mother.
- Considering I stayed with my exh for 24 years, not unstable on my part, he was the violent abusive one, I tried to do as much as I could to stabilise not that it worked. I would not classify our relationship as intense.
- As for few friends I have had, I never had unstable relationships with them, never argued or fought with them or said a bad word to them. I am still in contact with most them. My difficulty is making friends, not losing them.
- And I don’t think I have extreme black and white views of people Except Tony Abbot and his cronies of course who are complete arseholes.
- Agree, I do have terrible self-image and self-doubt. But then my mother planted that in me from early years and my ex h compounded it. Years of that, very difficult to shake off.
- Yep uncertainty about long term goals - hardly surprising, considering and the fact I am so unconfident and don’t believe I can do stuff.
- friendships, yep find it difficult to make friends, because of my lack of self-image.
- Values - Think I have very strong values and ethics. So that is untrue.
Chronic boredom and feeling of emptiness.
- No I’m not bored, I have worked hard and done an awful lot and still do. I have too much in my head to ever get bored.
- Feeling of emptiness - well I’m depressed, so that goes with the territory
- No - there has never been anyone to abandon me. I actually feel like I abandoned my sister. I accept that I will probably be alone, not making any frantic efforts to avoid it.
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