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That Anxious Feeling...

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Suzetig

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...when you know ahead of time you're about to be more vulnerable than usual in therapy!

My T and I discussed me sharing some writing I've done as a way of helping me disclose stuff that I've really struggled with. After talking about it, I felt ok - actually for my therapy to move forward there are things I feel I need to share and this is a safe way of doing it. I see her early next week and I already feel anxious about it, to where I'm hardly able to get myself showered and dressed for work. I have a friend staying this weekend and don't have their room sorted for them and the house is a mess.

I know I have control over what I do and don't share, and I want to do this so how do I control the anxiety levels until my session because I can feel me working myself into a state, which I know is neither helpful or necessary. I've thought about sending it to her in email so at least it's gone but I know I'd still worry so that won't help...I feel so pathetic about getting so worked up but don't seem to be able to sort it either.
 
sorry I cant help much other than to say the same thing happens to me. I have done the email thing and taking stuff in written down, I have also done the throw it at her as I leave the session as well. I guess my best advise would be to try and accept the anxiety, know that your making a big step and it is something you want to do and the anxiety is an unfortunate side effect. please don't beat yourself up and your not pathetic although I totally know that feeling.
 
I get that type of anxiety too! Think of it this way, if you write her an email and hit send, there is no way for you to take it back or second-guess yourself. What's done is done and the anxiety can shift from what you actually wrote to her reaction, at least that's what I'm always afraid of. How has she reacted too big stuff in the past? Do you have any reason to believe that this time will be different? You could even start the email with something like "I'm really anxious and afraid to send this for fear of (insert fear), but at least I know we can discuss it at a later date. I don't know why am so anxious, but I can tell you that my anxiety is so high that I am having difficulty getting ready for work."

Also, remember that you don't have to talk about everything you write at once. You can choose to talk about part, all, or nothing. If you know what you need to discuss in order to move forward, you could start that part of the conversation by saying " I need to discuss X, Y, and Z before I can move forward, but I am having difficulty talking about them because (insert reason)". Do you know what you need in order to be able to discuss the hard topics? For example, do you need your therapist to provide validation or normalize what your feeling and going through? If you are aware of this, telling her in the email will help her be prepared to assist you in moving forward, even if it's helping you to be able to write some of what you're referring to down. If you have any trusted friends, you could always role-play with them. This way, you can experiment with different reactions and prepare yourself for each. If you don't feel comfortable sharing the details, you could label them as incident S and B, each with a different predetermined reaction by the other party.

My point… Take baby steps and let your therapist help you every step of the way! Best wishes for peace and safe healing!
 
I've only just seen this and don't know when your session was, so it may have already been and gone. If not, I hope your anxiety has lessened and feels more manageable?

This happens to me too, either if there's something 'big'/difficult/important I know we're going to talk about or if I've sent her an email about something important that I haven't been able to verbalise in session. I think, for me, the anxiety is around making myself vulnerable. All I can ever do to try to relieve the anxiety is to remind myself that my therapist will be ok with whatever it is I've emailed her/we'll be talking about. Because she's always ok and accepting - no matter how I am or what I say. That helps a little sometimes, but doesn't make the anxiety go away. Also, when I then have the talk with her in our face to face session, I tell her how anxious I've been in the run up. Telling her that seems to discharge some anxiety in the session early on and her response if always reassuring/supportive - so something I can bear in mind for the next time.

Anyway...sorry...am coming late to this and am not offering anything insightful! But I hope your session goes well and that sharing your writing with her moves things on for you in a really safe, positive, supportive way.
 
Thank you, my session was this evening and went well. It was hard, very hard and I did share my writing - she didn't look at all of it but enough to know what's going on with me and yes, she was as consistent as ever with me and our relationship is fine. It's so hard for me to let myself be seen by someone else, intimacy is such a problem for me but I feel better after today and will plough on with therapy... I just wish it was an easier process.
 
Yes, I hear you on that whole 'being seen' stuff. It's very, very difficult. But you showed up and you did it - you did allow yourself to be seen, which meant that you did get to a point of intimacy. That's a real achievement.
 
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