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  1. R

    Ended friendship today

    Or, it could be that she seeks male connection in a room to feel less insecure bc she can't do relationships with women bc she is too intimidated, insecure, etc. She has probably used sex as a connection throughout her life in order to cover up the blemishes inside. I wouldn't spend a lot of...
  2. R

    Childhood How do you deal with trauma like CSA that you aren't sure even happened?

    Just my opinion, I think you just keep talking about it in general terms with a trauma therapist. Don’t force anything as it will come when and if it is supposed to. Mine came in a similar way. I always knew it happened but it felt like someone else or like a movie that I watched. I was so...
  3. R

    CSA and strange sexual desires make me feel disgusting

    Before you do something that you might really regret, go find a therapist. What potentially happens if she finds out is far more hurtful than a few therapy sessions to figure this out.
  4. R

    When to Push vs When to Give Up

    I quit for a while. Been doing it for more tha. 10 years and decided I needed a break. I’m tired and found myself being too immersed in therapy and not being present enough in everyday life. I was too dependent on it and needed to do some things on my own. My perspective only. Good luck
  5. R

    Why don’t I cry when talking about my SA?

    I don't cry either which makes the whole thing feel fake... judgment on my part, but I can't cry. I am not a big crier anyway. I didn't really cry when my mom died although I was incredibly sad and devastated. I still don't cry. The only thing that makes me cry is if something happens to my son...
  6. R

    How to ‘connect with’ a split-off part? (Not DID)

    Yeah, my therapist wants me to refer to myself as "the little girl" or "she" and I usually say "her" or "it" because I can't stand to think of myself at that age. Parts work is hard. Very hard. Acknowledging her/it is too close and too vulnerable. As well, I go blank sometimes trying to write...
  7. R

    What do you think of Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher?

    I have read it. My therapist suggested it. It's a parts book but not necessarily only for DID. Reality is that we all work from parts of ourselves, some are just more integrated than others...
  8. R

    any experience with beta blockers for fast heart rate?

    I take metoprolol for heart issues caused by high blood pressure. I have taken propranolol and don't find it to be invasive. It was like I took a Xanax actually. I may have been a bit sluggish the first week, but not to the point where I had to lay down. I just remember the decreased anxiety I...
  9. R

    As a child no one helped or guided me, I was sort of a stray which led me to horrible life decisions

    Well David, then leave it behind you then. You said this... you never went to college and you struggle with the decisions you made. Perhaps you have enough life experience to teach a "life" class at a university, but goals make you continue to find strength in the journey. I too didn't finish...
  10. R

    As a child no one helped or guided me, I was sort of a stray which led me to horrible life decisions

    Go to school and get a degree... In 2 years you could have an associates degree. I know it sounds trivial but being able to do those things for yourself help heal the wound. It's like checking off bucket list items!
  11. R

    Feeling Invalidated By My Therapist

    You asked her for help in setting boundaries. She didn't say you suck at communicating, she responded by giving you tools to use to help, DEAR MAN being one of them. That acronym is too long to remember the specifics of each so she had you take notes. 1. Yes I think you are being triggered...
  12. R

    Belsomra (suvorexant) for sleep?

    @Friday what do you do for bad dreams? Did you work on them in therapy? Do EMDR?
  13. R

    Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

    I still can't help but believe your relationship with your therapist is trumping why you are in therapy.... If I spent as much time worrying about my "relationship" with my therapist on that level I wouldn't go to therapy. That seems daunting, endless, and negative none of which helps with...
  14. R

    EMDR telemedicine equipment?

    Yes. My therapist suggested them for everyday use. I use them when walking, sleeping, working. You can put them in your pockets, hold them in your hands, wear them around your wrists or ankles. They work via app from your phone or manually and they can be set on a timer. They are a little...
  15. R

    EMDR telemedicine equipment?

    I have a set of bi-tapp wrist tappers...or you could hold them too I guess. They work well.
  16. R

    Belsomra (suvorexant) for sleep?

    yes... I was apprehensive at first and I had a few bumpy days but it evened out and now I am getting amazing sleep.... Amazing for me! I usually only sleep about 4 hours. I am up at 3:30-4 am regardless of when I go to bed. I have always been a morning person. I also suffer from waking up and...
  17. R

    Belsomra (suvorexant) for sleep?

    Is anyone using Balsomra for sleep? If so, what are your experiences? Thanks
  18. R

    Relationship I f*cked up

    It is easy for me to say this sitting over here in the armchair critic corner, but I would be glad he gave your gate key back! What a douchebag! You have said no before and I am guessing if you changed your mind you would let him know. That whole, "I was just joking" adds another perspective of...
  19. R

    general memory issues

    @Friday Eh.... I take a lot of heart meds but they haven't changed in quite a while. Maybe those are taking full effect now? Stress? I have some stress that sometimes can be overwhelming. Sleep is ALWAYS an issue.... I don't want to be one of those people that runs to the doctor and then its...
  20. R

    general memory issues

    So in the last several months I have noticed that, at times not all the time, I have trouble finding the correct words when talking. I can pause when writing and take a minute or google acronyms, but verbally I can't sometimes find the words. Also, last week I was driving on my way home on a...
  21. R

    Undiagnosed CSA 8 to 18 - Disconnect between my brain and my body for so long. I crave security, intimacy, and genuine love but I shut down at the thought of it

    Welcome and I hope you find this forum as helpful and supportive as I have. I read a lot more than I post. That alone has helped me through some pretty awful days! CSA survivor here too, mine started at 4. I would love to have security, intimacy and genuine love as well but I keep picking all...
  22. R

    Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

    @Sophy (in lockdown) if I spent 50% of my therapy appointments working on my relationship with my therapist, I wouldn't go to therapy. I have never heard anyone, even my therapist, say that half my therapy time will be spent exploring my relationship with my therapist. That means if I spend...
  23. R

    Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

    Am I the only one here thinking that this relationship with your therapist shouldn't be the focus of therapy??? I mean you should be able to come to therapy and "do the work" without feeling like you have to fix your relationship with your therapist before you take your break or it could be the...
  24. R

    If I take a break will I ever go back?

    @FauxLiz What are some things you would still like to accomplish in this life? Realistic things, not like becoming an astronaut at age 50. Those things aren't realistic. For me its going to Big Sky Montana, seeing the Aurora from Alaska, doing a fall cruise up the east coast into Maine, getting...
  25. R

    Not sure- therapy relationship concerns (again)

    I agree with ^^^ movingforward10 that she chose the sliding scale. However, I do "parts" work with my therapist and she is inclined to talk a lot about my younger version. I don't refer to myself as "we" and wonder if by addressing yourself as plural perpetuates a less integrated perspective. I...
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