I can relate.
My memories are a mishmash of seemingly random fragments and with help from a therapist it wove into a something I could make sense of.
I had dreams and memories of such specific things that made no sense but just hung with me. The pattern and color of a shirt I wore as a kid...
Thank you 😊 It is amazing how things CAN change and for me "belief" has not come easy. I can't say belief got me there but a side effect of finally succumbing to the fact that something needed to change. As terrifying as that felt as things began to cook along, and believe me not all good, LOL...
What a great "place" to find yourself in these days! Congratulations!
Last few years....are the cumulation of a superhuman effort and leap of faith. I did things I thought I couldn't. Some things I considered lost....were not. I feel I regained big pieces of my life and who I am. I managed...
That's a great viewpoint! 😊
My boundaries were crushed for a long time but I'm reasserting them these days and I'm probably rusty and it feels awkward to me and perhaps barely noticed by others.
Good points and very much appreciated.
Whirlwind
Everyone's posts are helping, I needed to "chew" on this with others so appreciate it.
Thinking about this and working "backwards"
Too close for comfort questions = inevitable & a matter of time
Problem: I don't want to talk about it because I think it will affect their view of me
Maybe...
No therapist any more. The side stepping I am good at, what starts to happen is it deepens and I don't want to "red flag" my history by referring to it as something not to discuss.
The trick is I'm getting to know people and they start asking more in depth and how to explain my lack of...
I'm meeting people and involved in a bunch of community stuff, volunteering etc. I'm wonderfully busy and engaged, this was how I used to be, my "normal" :-)
I thought those parts of me were gone. I suppose a positive testament to the fact that despite the trauma we're "still in there".
I'm...
I get it. I thought that was where I was/am too.
I was surprised to recognize there is some old tapes running...the idea I am not deserving. If the former is accurate, that is just fine with me but I want any decision to be clean of negative programming (as possible).
I still revel in this...
I get it and it is true. I've struggled with this myself. And grieved for my lost childhood.
However I reclaimed some "childhood" things, I learned to ride a bike at an advanced age, LOL It is still one of my favorite things to do these days. I feel more 12 riding it today than I ever did at...
I was asked how long has it been since I was married (years), do I plan to date (no) but "would I like to have a committed partner in my life" (theoretically yes).
The person is a widow and her questions were meant very kindly. She laughed and reminded me I need to do the former to get to the...
I've/do struggle with this and I have come to realize I blanket people with the assumption they play by the same rules I do.
They don't.
I think most people operate by self interest and in some ways I am envious, I need to do better in that regard. And I am getting better.
I'm still...
You aren't alone. My therapist used to say it was not uncommon for "awakenings" to happen mid life, he said that you reach a place of less distractions (no young kids etc) and finally are in a place to deal with trauma. He always said the brain is smart and protects us from what we aren't ready...
I watched a show about this due to the conversation and the guys made many comments about why it wasn't bad because it happened to them. You know, once. LOL
Another incident today another relentless hornet buzzing me incessantly. I ran out of patience today so I guess I'll find out if that...
Oh I so get this. It is where I am these days. I am tickled with my projects and I bounce up in the morning to get going. I like people too regardless of gender, and I don't expect the world to tread lightly around me but after everything I don't want to make my space in the world small (again)...
Thank you for commiserating. Upside if this is "normal" then at least it is irrespective of me.
Congratulations on getting out!! I hope you are doing well and my experience things get better and easier. It does have trying moments and periods but they pass, that is what is amazing. Things move...
In the last month or so
several were in break area I just met them and as I was walking back by they were commenting about my appearance loudly as it could be heard down the hallway and they were peering around the corner to get looks at me.
Another guy I barely know his name came up to me to...
Things are going well, moving forward and I have joined some clubs, volunteer etc.
Cutting to the chase I am taken aback by the behavior of men I am encountering. Retired professionals, etc. seemingly healthy folks and they must be? I don't think I am overreacting but I am floored.
I know...
Thanks for understanding. I'm trying. I needed time to regenerate before getting hit with a "battle" of any kind.
That is part of the issue, they are actually looking to me. It is not just me, a neighbor cried during a meeting. I was doing pretty good but the reality of it finally hit me. I...
It's my home. A "safe" place is really important to me and despite my DV nightmare the settlement did something unexpected and after all of these years I am in my very own home. No one can take from me so to speak. I was so careful picking it, and also I relocated, it was scary but here I am. I...
I need arrest my "fall" and came here as an effort to shake myself "out of it".
Oh boy. It is a stressful time for all of the obvious and I made big changes, relocated etc. I was really looking forward to long awaited plans but again plans shot due to the obvious. Depressing but I hung on to...
I was a strong person. Amazing career. I got into this insane relationship. I was older..."knew better" etc.
Your comment saddens me, because you feel like crap. I get it. Been there, wished I was dead many times over. Unreal today I ever felt that way.
That is CPTSD. Throw it along under a...