I have done this at different times too and it helps alleviate loneliness for me. Being surrounded by “normal” people is lonely and they bore the hell out of me. Knowing others do experience what I have experienced helps me not feel like such a freak.
I am a huge fan of true crime stories too...
I first evaluate the social setting and occasion and decide if the aftermath of placing myself in this situation is worth the downtime and recovery that comes afterwards. If it's something important, like my neice's baby shower, then I will attend and do all the self care necessary afterwards...
This is hard to swallow, it would be for most people. All the emotions that come up, because you know you're alone with these things that happened to you, are valid and pretty much a natural reaction. It is something that you will have to address and heal on your own. It is good to hear that...
I find my nightmares to be cyclic too somehow, and I believe there is a connection to the things that happen by day, as in the levels of stress that I experience by day somehow impact whether or not I have nightmares or not, but I could be totally off. Just trying to make some kind of sense of...
I use a tincture, whole plant cannabis extracted CBD oil, not from hemp. The hemp derived CBD does absolutely nothing for me. My tincture is 28 parts cbd to 1 part thc, so there isn't any 'psychoactive' element as the thc content is too low to do that, but it's enough for the cbd to do it's...
It works for so many people. I was very optimistic about it, and it was going well in the beginning when we were just imagining 'safe' places and sort of taking inventory, but I began loosing function at some point, a lot, enough that I had to step away. I was utterly lost and useless in...
Doctors cost money, and my family avoided spending any money when it came to me. It was two-fold though, they couldn't risk being revealed as abusers, and they didn't want to spend money on the co-pay. The last time my parents took me to a doctor was right before kindergarten, and I'm sure it...
It's such a challenge to pursue normalcy. I am sorry you're here and going through this. Being worn down seems to be the norm now for many of us. Feeling overwhelmed by what was once mundane is also kind of exhausting. Finding healthy ways to deal with ourselves seems to have become our...
Thanks for saying this to me. I actually finally went back to therapy and found someone with years of experience in EMDR. I am not contraindicated for it!!! I am so glad that I got another opinion. We are still in the early stages. Taking inventory and practicing some self calming...
Wow. So glad I read this thread. It's making this site feel so much safer than I perceived it to be. I joined 5 years ago, found that an active member was a bully and due to seeing bullying behavior on the site I gradually stopped coming around. I missed it too, but I would feel a bunch of ugly...
@IamJenna, that's what I love about this site! It helps in so many ways, but feeling understood and less lonely is what I love most. I appreciate it so much that others are willing to be revealed, and that others are so willing to be supportive and kind.
Thanks to you for sharing as well.
This strikes a chord with me. Especially feeling bothered by perceiving or existing. I have specific memories from childhood where I wondered if I was real and if the world around me was real. I stared at the appliances in our kitchen and thought they were useless and meaningless objects, and...
Yes, the world takes on a different appearance too. For me, I tend to notice that it looked different afterwards, when I come out of it. Then I suddenly realize the color of things, and how much stuff there is around me, as if it all just materializes and I am in wonder of it all.
There is something about my dissociation that I wanted to add. If I feel the hard and heavy dissociation I have a much harder time interacting with people. For example, my husband might come talk to me while I am watering my vegetable garden, I feel myself trying to listen to his words but I...
I am still trying to sort through this for myself. I experience feeling light as if I am a fluffy cloud. I am not emotional, just there kinda hidden. I feel like I am hidden yet I interact with my environment. I lose time mostly if I am alone. I used to do chores, for example, and wonder who did...
I have learned so much about unconditional love from my dogs. All of my pets teach me something and bring so much comfort. We have 2 big mutts (border collie, labrador, aerdale, and canary mastiff), a small one that we found starving in the streets (jack russell and papillon), and a 14 year old...
Femke, boundaries are difficult to navigate for many people who have endured CSA. It's a normal reaction to abnormal treatment/abuse. Many of us understand your reluctance to share.
What has helped me personally is getting in touch with my personal sense of justice, which for me was allowing...
My fears exactly.
This new T's website states that she specializes in EMDR and she's an EMDR International Association approved consultant. She's also got some testimonials posted that sound pretty life changing. Nonetheless, I plan to tread carefully. Thank you for the insight Friday.
I have felt this way about a few therapists in my past. It is so hard to find a genuinely caring therapist. I have often felt that my therapist was totally thinking about his/her grocery list while pretending to listen. This was especially true when I did 'talk' therapy, they'd listen, then...
Sometimes I have days where I feel 'free', and others I am trapped in ground hog day. Ground hog day comes around less often, and is shorter lived, but it never goes away. I am changing slowly over time through my stubborn persistence, and through my determination to bring up my kid as a whole...
I did this too TextCat, I didn't even tell anyone what the problems were because in the past I had always been able to get them under control, or at least stabilize myself well enough to continue functioning as usual. It's when nothing worked and I became unrecognizable that I finally got some...
My heart goes out to you Joanna Doe. Healing is hard. I am glad that you have support and meds in place. Feeling good is not easy to do naturally and this in itself is depressing to realize.
I so relate to this, and would not wish it upon anyone. Even with meds and support, the cycles...
@foreveralone2099 Agreed. I also think that they recognize our vulnerability and even know we have been mistreated somehow through body language, and reading us through subtle interaction. They know we are lost and fearful, and in need of love. I felt that my poor self-esteem showed combined...
@foreveralone2099 When I worked low pay jobs I got hit on a lot by predatory men who thought they could lure me with their wealth and it felt really gross and I had trouble dealing with it because I was always trying to be polite so they would often persist which made going to work feel hard...