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  1. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    My T retired nearly 2 years ago. We still email now & then and I consider him to be a friend and guess he must think the same since he's the one who suggested staying in touch. I learned a lot over the course of our work together but this one incident might have been the most important for me...
  2. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    How about "I wonder how far we are from each other's perspectives?" Or "I wonder how he's thinking/feeling about all this?" I totally get being worried about how to start. Remember, he does this stuff for a living and chances are really good he's been in similar situations before. There's a...
  3. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    I think what he's saying is that HE has to pay his rent every week. Sounds like he was ok with seeing you every other week but can't afford to have unfilled openings if a client comes more randomly than that. (Seems like he might be able to schedule another every other week person the weeks you...
  4. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    I read his email the same way @Sideways and @No More did. It read to me like he gets that you're really upset by something but he may not actually know what that is. And that he thinks you might be deciding to quit therapy, which he acknowledges is your right to do. Doesn't sound like he really...
  5. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    I'm going to gently point out that that's a bit of mind reading too. "Mind Reading", the way some of us tend to do it anyway, is a form of hypervigilence. We do it because it seems like, if we know exactly what's going on in the other person's head, we can manage the situation and "stay safe"...
  6. scout86

    Email fallout with T - need advice please

    Can I say "ouch"? You might not have intended that as an accusation, but it sounds like one to me. THAT seems....... a little emotional (?) too. I guess I'm curious about why that might be...... I think @No More makes a good point about your notice being given on a Sat. A lot of times that...
  7. scout86

    Trying to UNDERSTAND and LEARN from relationship with a narcissist (and not/ no longer spew vitriol about them)

    My therapist used to say "Normal is over rated." But, I'd add that just because there's a lot of useful stuff you didn't get a chance to learn as a child doesn't mean you can't learn it now.
  8. scout86

    My Abusive Father Suddenly/Unexpectedly Now Owns Where I Live

    Just to clarify. You've been living in a house that belonged to your paternal grandparents? And they "didn't think anyone was living there"? So, no rent and no contract of any kind? I agree with @Sideways , the first step has to be independent confirmation of the facts. Where L live, you'd get...
  9. scout86

    Advice for handling a wedding

    I think most people would want to know BEFORE the wedding, like you would. I have a similar situation with my extended family. The perp is a cousin, so I've skipped a multitude of weddings, funerals, and reunions over the years. I finally told the cousins I care most about a few years ago...
  10. scout86

    Stress cup so full... have to move house and no idea where to...

    It DOES sound a little complicated, but it also totally sounds like it can work. I think you've done a pretty good job of problem solving (even if it's not a done deal just yet). Be sure to give yourself some credit for that!
  11. scout86

    Why Are People Consumed By Politics?

    Is your husband seeing a therapist of his own? I wasn't kidding when I mentioned hypervigilence. If you look at it from the perspective of someone who feels like they are actually LIVING in a life & death situation RIGHT NOW, his behavior kind of makes sense. In a real world situation, he'd get...
  12. scout86

    Why Are People Consumed By Politics?

    Some of that might be a form of hypervigilence.
  13. scout86

    Telling the "truth" at the funeral

    If that's what they think, they've missed the point. The actual point is, if you've really and truly "accepted Christ" you won't BE a selfish prick to anyone. If you're a selfish prick, it's a sign that you're lying. Have you talked about this with your siblings? Do you guys even want to HAVE a...
  14. scout86

    How do you handle feeling like a novelty item from a store?

    This. I've decided to use those kinds of responses as a fast way to weed out people. I may have to deal with them, like in a work setting, but I don't actually have to let them into my life. There's a difference between genuine curiosity and morbid curiosity. Also this. The reaction you get...
  15. scout86

    Other Let's talk about indoctrination and brainwashing.

    I didn't intend to be blaming anyone in that comment. I'm not convinced that "blame" is very useful. I DO think it's useful to look at contributing factor, even if the victim is doing some of the contributing. Maybe especially if they are. We can control our own behavior, after all. Even using...
  16. scout86

    Other Let's talk about indoctrination and brainwashing.

    This might not apply to you, but it might be worth considering. I don't think people on the narcissist spectrum establish relationships at random. They're looking for people they can work with. Some time back, one of my friends here on the forum told me I'd been "raised to be food for...
  17. scout86

    Trying to UNDERSTAND and LEARN from relationship with a narcissist (and not/ no longer spew vitriol about them)

    True enough. But I think it's useful to actually know whether a person is constructing a persona to get something or being their own true self. At least I find it useful if you have to deal with them. For example, a politician who really wants approval might do what their constituents want...
  18. scout86

    Therapist didn't show and I may be done

    My job involves scheduling appointments and then remembering to show up. In her defense, this is the situation where it's easiest for me to imagine forgetting to show up. In a normal week, I don't remember what I'm doing tomorrow, necessarily, but I have an idea in my mind about what days I have...
  19. scout86

    Therapist didn't show and I may be done

    Well said and good for you for saying it! (Meanwhile, I hope Christmas this year is great for you and the first of many to be that way.)
  20. scout86

    Therapist didn't show and I may be done

    Seems ok to me. That is, assuming you're not planning to deal with the anger by blowing up her car or something. (Never crossed your mind, did it? LOL) The email sounds like a good idea, whether you send it or not. There have been lots of time when doing something like writing a letter or an...
  21. scout86

    Stress cup so full... have to move house and no idea where to...

    I think that's a good question to ask yourself. It's something I've learned to try to notice. If I feel relieved, then I know it was the right choice. Sometimes, I use this phenomenon to help make decisions. I'll tell myself I'll flip a coin, heads I do A, tails B. If I then find I want to do...
  22. scout86

    Stress cup so full... have to move house and no idea where to...

    That's a horrible feeling! I'd say you're exactly right, it's pretty much the same situation. Fortunately, you've had practice handling situations like that! You wouldn't. (Would you?) The question seems to be, "How realistic is that fear?" I'm not a cat person. (There's a cat that lives...
  23. scout86

    Relationship Parent to adult son with CPTS diagnosis

    You've got me wondering how the numbers actually break down on this. My own reaction was to avoid people and avoid relationships. I know what he's doing is a thing. It may or may not be extremely common. It's definitely not uncommon. A lot of the supporters here have therapists of their own and...
  24. scout86

    Relationship Parent to adult son with CPTS diagnosis

    When you ask him, what does he say? Seems like HE needs to wonder how useful his approach is and wonder where it's coming from before anything is going to change. He's not going to change anything unless he sees a reason to and that change for the better is an option. That's an adult. At least...
  25. scout86

    Therapist of 8 years takes 3 weeks leave to grieve death in the family.

    Just want to add that we don't actually know why she needs the time. Might be to deal with personal feelings of grief, might be to help deal with more mundane logistical problems for other people, might be something else. All we really know is she was able to take that much time and chose to...
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