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  1. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    The anger feels like I could claw out an attacking tiger’s eyeballs!!!! MThe med is an adhd med. I take it about 4 days a week… because I dunno. I just don’t manage to take it everyday. It stops the impulsivity that combined with anger is just stuuupid… it stopping being a tamper on that in...
  2. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    All the frustrations of life - both normal, abnormal, and traumatic - I can handle much better with the smallest validation. Any invalidation outside of work just feels like hell At work, nothing gets to me. I’m known for being good at deescalating people. Why? Dunno. Everywhere else? I did...
  3. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    I know what triggers the anger but it’s frankly not really rational. Sometimes it’s just ordinary frustrations of life. Like shipping my computer into be fixed under warranty… and they didn’t fix i… company agrees they screwed up…. they shipped it the second time to the wrong address… etc...
  4. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    I get so angry … tonight just isn’t a good night. Every day it’s a battle. I don’t even understand it. Meds are no longe working. Even the bad coping skills and like self injury don’t really work. Deep breathing doesn’t work… it slows me down a second… so maybe it does. Maybe I need to look at...
  5. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    Losing hope regarding managing anger… I don’t even know what to try anymore. “Therapy” is a lecture of 1,087 “coping skills” of which I can repeat endlessly. Nothing improves. I even hear the words “how about grounding skills?” and I get tense. What follows is a checklist. I not sure when...
  6. Justmehere

    ADHD Can you have ADHD and not know it?

    One can have any diagnosis and not know it. I apparently had severe ADHD and didn’t know it for 20 years. Shrug. It was the only way I knew to be. What helps ADHD often helps most people. Does it mean someone has ADHD? Maybe, maybe not. Diagnosis labels are a tool to gain other tools to...
  7. Justmehere

    Recorded while drugged after surgery

    Thanks. That helps to read. I submitted a written request to modify practices such that there are no future recordings without written signed consent in advance. I didn’t cite the incident, but he did in his emailed reply. He sent back a quote of an employee policy that stated he can’t covertly...
  8. Justmehere

    Recorded while drugged after surgery

    One of the legacies of trauma for me is not being sure what’s normal at times and if I can trust my gut instincts. This is another chapter in that battle. I applied for basically a grant, a government administered benefit, to pay for school, designed for people with disabilities. It can be a...
  9. Justmehere

    I keep repeating things

    A couple of illnesses have set me back swimming but I do get in the water and hope to be in the water longer. It’s hard. My head circles. It used to be a comfort. Now… it’s too much space. The one thing that helps is when I’m teaching classes. During that time, the loops stop. I have to engage...
  10. Justmehere

    I keep repeating things

    Someone in a position of some power over me is being a bit of a - - h -le. The situation sort of falls into workplace bullying / mild sexual harassment / ablism. Not trauma. It’s enough though that PTSD is triggered. I’m jumpy, can’t sleep, etc. He does things my stalker used to do. The...
  11. Justmehere

    I miss…

    The sound of rain on my father’s truck on a cold day with the heater blasting on full blast
  12. Justmehere

    I keep scratching when feeling fight or flight

    It’s been a hell of a few weeks (years) and PTSD is back with gusto. I’m also acting different than the last big spike in symptoms. One of the things I keep doing under stress is scratching my chest, the front of my torso. To the point it’s uh… a situation. I’m not actually sure why I do...
  13. Justmehere

    General You told me your stories. Gave me your sins. And I carried them.

    There is a bonding that happens in the sharing. It can make it harder to stay and also harder to walk away.
  14. Justmehere

    Rejected therapist woke up and chose to attack boundaries, again

    I am in a badddd headspace after a therpaist lost her mind again. I went to a agency for help. It was awful. I left. The “therapist” they assigned won’t leave me alone. She was given notice to stop contact. She still has an appointment for me on tomorrow. I canceled it. She said I’m not allowed...
  15. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    A regulatory agency got very concerned and asked if I needed help telling them to leave me alone. I said yes. We both told them to leave me alone. I’m still struggling to give up in my head. A friend asked a therapist they know if they could see me a few times. They said yes. So I have...
  16. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    The only thing holding me back from court? My mental health records becoming public. However, I have intakes with two attorneys this week to see what they think. Supervising bodies contacted. Cases opened. The agency will have some explaining to do, One of their staff members said “you don’t...
  17. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    The terrible discuss-your-health-on-the-sidewalk-therapist no showed. Third time ina row. It was scheduled as Telehealth, and she enevr sent a link. Eventually called and left a message stating I was misinformed and while they all agreed on Telehealth he she changed her mind and it’s in person...
  18. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    The second meeting was useless… they required a third. That was nearly traumatic. Long story short, they have someone who is a client/staff (which uh, weird?) who came up and ripped into me and my trauma history for 20 minutes in the hall as I sat there quietly recording it. Then later a...
  19. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    Just had the appontment with the doctor. The therapist that was going to be there wasn’t there. Personal emergency, Someone I have never met walked in and sat down with the doctor and myself and said they were there as a supervisor to advocate for me, They did not ask if I consented to...
  20. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    I’ve told them my concerns. They have a chance to make it right or dig deeper. I’ll go in and see what the doc and the staffer on the leadership team have to say. I don’t have someone outside rhe org to bring with me - that would be a really good idea. I can record them, with or without...
  21. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    Really good point!
  22. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    A large agency that is a bit of the safety net, with a PTSD focused clinic, offered care. It was a shit show for two months getting scheduled. Then I had care for 6 weeks, it was good. Almost worth the shit show. Then the last two weeks have been an absolute disaster. In 14 days my...
  23. Justmehere

    Therapy Canceled, I Do Not See How This is My Fault

    The volume of therapists show any a credit card on file… like I get they don’t want to hassle with billing but what about the security of that data? Sigh. In the end, I need to know a therpaist is on my side, had my back, is working to make things work. In that setting, hiccups and...
  24. Justmehere

    Furious. Finding Support Amidst Anger and Grief

    I’m not going back. This isn’t healthy for me. The three weeks I had care were amazing and they said I did amazing and she told me today I did nothing wrong. But still, as I walked out, she quit. As I was walking away from her office. Then canceled my care tomorrow despite saying that would...
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