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  1. Justmehere

    Losing hope regarding managing anger

    Losing hope regarding managing anger… I don’t even know what to try anymore. “Therapy” is a lecture of 1,087 “coping skills” of which I can repeat endlessly. Nothing improves. I even hear the words “how about grounding skills?” and I get tense. What follows is a checklist. I not sure when...
  2. Justmehere

    Recorded while drugged after surgery

    One of the legacies of trauma for me is not being sure what’s normal at times and if I can trust my gut instincts. This is another chapter in that battle. I applied for basically a grant, a government administered benefit, to pay for school, designed for people with disabilities. It can be a...
  3. Justmehere

    I keep repeating things

    Someone in a position of some power over me is being a bit of a - - h -le. The situation sort of falls into workplace bullying / mild sexual harassment / ablism. Not trauma. It’s enough though that PTSD is triggered. I’m jumpy, can’t sleep, etc. He does things my stalker used to do. The...
  4. Justmehere

    I keep scratching when feeling fight or flight

    It’s been a hell of a few weeks (years) and PTSD is back with gusto. I’m also acting different than the last big spike in symptoms. One of the things I keep doing under stress is scratching my chest, the front of my torso. To the point it’s uh… a situation. I’m not actually sure why I do...
  5. Justmehere

    Rejected therapist woke up and chose to attack boundaries, again

    I am in a badddd headspace after a therpaist lost her mind again. I went to a agency for help. It was awful. I left. The “therapist” they assigned won’t leave me alone. She was given notice to stop contact. She still has an appointment for me on tomorrow. I canceled it. She said I’m not allowed...
  6. Justmehere

    Not sure when to give up

    A large agency that is a bit of the safety net, with a PTSD focused clinic, offered care. It was a shit show for two months getting scheduled. Then I had care for 6 weeks, it was good. Almost worth the shit show. Then the last two weeks have been an absolute disaster. In 14 days my...
  7. Justmehere

    Furious. Finding Support Amidst Anger and Grief

    I’m angry. I have an opportunity to get some support, clinical therapeutic support that may be good. I had it for a month and it helped. Then the agency the therapist is in… oh they effed up. Like every different direction. I tried to talk to the new but seemingly competent therapist twice...
  8. Justmehere

    When the therapist thinks the past is always to blame

    I have had some recent losses, I figured grief counseling might help. Right? Ugh. I was put in with a trauma specialist. Not grief. I said I would try but I’m not doing trauma therapy. It did kind of help, for the first two sessions. Third session she pushed deep breathing. I explained that...
  9. Justmehere

    Sudden loss triggering dissociation

    My father died. He was at times terribly abusive. He was also at other times really good. He was a mix of Abilty to be a terrible human and a good human. He died suddenly in ab unexpected way. He had just come back into my life after maybe 18 years gone. For the past two years he was only his...
  10. Justmehere

    When “I’m a failure” is true

    I’ve failed a lot. I’m in my hometown after the sudden loss of my sometimes nightmarishly abusive and sometimes amazing father. I’m here with highly successful family. In the midst of really complicated grief and somehow making it through every day, the reality that I am a failure, especially...
  11. Justmehere

    Unexpected loss

    My dad died. I’m in shock? Shivering and throwing up. He had a heart attack. My family is hard to navigate. I’m getting on a plane. I was not in good shape before this. He was abusive at times and wonderful at times. The last few years he was okay - like a good dad. I am throwing up with panic...
  12. Justmehere

    ADHD plus trauma fueled fear of leaving home..

    … is a living hell. I have adhd on top of ptsd. I am usually out doing stuff… work, volunteering, life… there are times I shut down and have setbacks but often spend them in nature, etc. I’m in a place where outside of my part time job, and dog walks alone, I’m afraid to leave my home. I’m...
  13. Justmehere

    Being handed a list of coping skills in a crisis…

    About a month ago, I went to a walk in crisis center, they gave me a short list of coping skills. Like a list that could be found on Google. Told me to read it and leave. That was it. I was pretty suicidal at the time. Told them. They said to apply the list. Am I wrong to be bothered about this...
  14. Justmehere

    Is this depression to stop being functional?

    I have stopped being functional today. Last night I was supposed to start IOP. I did one intake, did one morning and sue ri work changes was moved to the evening time. It was hybrid virtual and in person. They failed to send the link last week on the first start date. They said I could start...
  15. Justmehere

    Would you call this blackmail?

    Long story short, I am feeling really bullied. In the middle of it... I need feedback on how people see the word "blackmail." -- I was at an organization where I have volunteered and now I'm on the board of the org. A man on the board had started a new group in the org of sorts. The board is...
  16. Justmehere

    I keep trying to break me

    And everything around me. Massive triggers and issues happened today at the ER. Can't seem to calm down. I'm supplied to have a minor medical test tomorrow they will put me under for and I instead signed a DNR and living will to refuse all medical care of all types. They threaten to call 911...
  17. Justmehere

    I don't even know where to begin

    Long story short, I decided that if someone doesn't speak to me respectfully, I won't let them speak to me at all until they do. Or unless they do. A lot of jerks have been quickly eliminated from contact. Good thing. My stalker sent a proxy who was very rude. Bye. But the thing is, he did...
  18. Justmehere

    Breathing

    I'm sitting here breathing. I am in so much pain, mental pain, I can barely breathe. It appears I don't get better. I just keep being broken beyond words. I don't see a way out of being mentally ill and badly surviving. For a time it was different but that crashed and burned into the mental...
  19. Justmehere

    Horrific ER experience

    I went to the ER and was clear, not homocidal, not suicidal, just anxiety that is making me sweat through my clothes and would like to be checked out and have a resource where to follow up. They agreed. Asshole or a social worker came in and I walked out due to very inappropriate remarks. Doctor...
  20. Justmehere

    Submitting a resignation

    I'm submitting a resignation. Struggling with it. I need to submit two, and I submitted one, and it went okay. The second... it has to happen, especially seeing how much better I did within an hour after the first resignation. It's going to probably be a sudden resignation. In this situation...
  21. Justmehere

    When there isn't help or a way out

    Struggling beyond words with dissociation and panic. Not really functional for two days. Can't keep food down and dizzy and so dissociated I keep losing track of what year it is. I know the trigger. I tried to go to the hospital but they declined an intake because I didn't appear to be in a...
  22. Justmehere

    Is it just me, or are people more cranky lately?

    Trying to figure out if people are more irritable and less patient, or if it's my perception that is changing. What have you experienced in your neck of the woods lately?
  23. Justmehere

    Seeking comfort and self destruction

    Last night I started rocking without realizing it. I also binge ate frosting. I have done some other off normal things that are impulsive and I finally realized I can't seem to find comfort and that's what I think I'm trying to find. Not just a change in feeling but fundamental comfort of some...
  24. Justmehere

    Next steps

    Today it's my goal to not break down agains today and cope in unhealthy ways. My next step to get there is to pack up and head out to a public space to get some things done.
  25. Justmehere

    Angry beyond words

    I am so angry. I am not even sure why. I think I got triggered by a text. The problem is that I'm now angry about all things under the sun. I'm taking it out on myself. I don't know how to get out of this place. I'm so angry I could take a sledgehammer to everything and threatened to destroy my...
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