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  1. H

    Parts but no did?

    Thank you all for you replies. I've never heard of IFS before. Reading about it the "parts" instead of "alters" seems to be more what I'm dealing with. So not DID, although my "parts" are related to my trauma and how I processed/dealt with them at the time. The structural dissociation makes a...
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    Parts but no did?

    This may be a stupid question or may already be in a thread somewhere that I haven't found yet so I apologise. I'm wondering if you can have parts but not have DID? For me it feels like there are different "parts" of me. Like in therapy today the 7/8 year old part of me was very strongly...
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    What just happened?!

    I think a part of me is scared to go back and talk to my T. I have never before felt scared of my T, but when I think about going back today there is this little girls voice in my head begging me not to go back. It's like this part of me is scared of him for some reason. I'm not sure why...
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    What just happened?!

    I had a t appointment this morning and something happened at my appointment that I don't really know what it was. I was upset/emotional/on edge when I went into my appointment this morning to begin with because of a miscommunication with my T that triggered lots of negative thoughts. We have...
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    News Tiger, tiger

    Have any of you read the book Tiger Tiger: A Memoir by Margaux Fragoso? If so what are your thoughts on it?
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    Missing my t

    My T is on vacation right now. I am trying to make it through these 10 days, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I know I should be happy for him, that he needs his time away and to spend time with his family. I am happy for him, but I also kind of feel abandoned, like he doesn't care, scared...
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    How often do you go?

    I have been in therapy off and on for over 10 years. I've been seeing my current therapist for about 2 years. I am scheduled for regular weekly sessions. Some times, when I am really struggling, I end up going 2 or 3 times a week. There was even a week I went 5 times, I think. I try to...
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    Do you ever feel hurt when your t is late for appointments?

    Sometimes my T is "late" for appointments because the previous session ran over. He always apologizes if he is late though. And I try to be understanding about it because I've been on the other side of that too, as in I'm the client who is causing him to be late for his next appointment. When...
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    Therapist asking questions?

    My T has told me that if he was ever going to report something he would talk to me about it and I would know that he was reporting it. If you are worried about him reporting it, ask him about it. Either he will be able to put your mind at ease about it or it will open up a dialogue about it...
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    Undiagnosed Need some advice, my first post. emotional abuse & neglect.

    I've tried to hide certain things or not discuss certain things with my therapist before. It was not and is not helpful for me. I have found that the things I am scared/ashamed /embarrassed to talk about, the things I try to avoid or hide are things I really need to address in therapy. Being...
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    My first counselor

    I'm sorry you has such an awful experience with your first "counselor". There are good therapists out there. It might take a while to find one that you feel comfortable with and work well with though. I've met with several different therapists throughout my life. Some of them were okay, some...
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    Is He Right?

    Thank you. It really felt like the right thing to do. I have never felt this song or capable of doing things on my own before. It is a strange feeling for me, the opposite of what I was use to for so long. I have a good support team on my side, and I am thankful to have you all to talk...
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    Is He Right?

    Well, I did have him served with divorce papers and a restraining order. Things were getting even worse. If I didn't have PTSD already, Id say there was a good possibility of developing it related to things that have happened in the past few weeks. I am glad I did it finally. I feel really...
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    Is He Right?

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my posts and reply. I have been considering my options, as far as my marriage, for a while now. It is a little more complicated than just leaving him/filing for divorce. I wish it was that simple. I had an appointment with my EMDR therapist today...
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    Is He Right?

    Thank you all for your kind replies. I feel better after reading them. My life is worth living. I have value as a person. I was struggling to believe those after hearing what he said. They are true though, whether he believes it or not. Now that I've had some time to regroup/ground myself...
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    Is He Right?

    My husband and I were sitting at our dinner table and he just told me, very seriously and matter-of-factly, that he though it was best if I killed myself. When I got upset, he said that he just wants the what's best for me and is just thinking about me and how much I struggle. He said that he...
  17. H

    Feeling Like I Don't Matter

    I did end up talking to someone else and feel a little better now. Not completely, but enough I feel safer than I did earlier. I guess canceling or not showing up would kind of be a way of me testing whether T cares. I agree that that isn't the best way of dealing with it. I do think it...
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    Feeling Like I Don't Matter

    I am really struggling today. I was feeling suicidal yesterday, so I called my T. He didn't answer so I left a message. I made it through the night without hurting myself in any lasting way, but I am still having some frequent and persistent suicidal thoughts. I am scared. I don't want to...
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    BPD C-ptsd vs bpd

    This is so frustrating to me. Why do professionals say these kinds of things? How is the stigma associated with personality disorders ever going to go away when professionals keep perpetuating it? Sorry, for that rant, this just hits very close to home for me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD...
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    There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

    @hodge I really do have a wonderful T. I really want to make changes so that my kids can grow up differently than I did. When I question if all this work is worth it, I think about my kids. I might struggle with whether or not I deserve anything good, but I know without a doubt that they...
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    There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

    Thank you for your responses. @Justmehere your reply was very helpful. I am feeling a little overwhelmed and triggered by writing all that out (I mean my original post, not referring to your responses in any way) so I think I'm going to try to color or clean or something for a while and then...
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    There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

    My apologies in advance that this post is so long. I have been working in therapy on not blaming myself for being sexualy abused as a child. I thought I was making some progress on it, but I seem to be hitting a wall. I might be able to tell myself that what my grandfather did to me as a...
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    Sex As Self-punishment?

    Thank you Bristol. I am sorry that you can relate to this...I would usually say its nice to know I'm not alone, but in this case it doesn't feel right to say that... I do think that, for me at least, it does have to do with reenacting the trauma, though I still don't feel like I have any...
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    Sex As Self-punishment?

    At my last therapy appointment my T and I were talking about the self-harming (cutting) that I have done in the past. He asked if cutting was a way for me to punish myself. I said no, that it was more because the physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain I was feeling and was easier...
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    Trauma Narrative Questions

    So, my T and I have talked about it and I am going to start working on my trauma narrative. He said that for the first part I should write out my memories of the abuse, but leave out my emotions and thoughts that I was having at the time. He said that I will go back later and add in my...
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