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  1. loui50

    Starting intensive outpatient program

    Hi everyone. I haven't been around in a while. I started an intensive outpatient program 2 weeks ago with a therapist trained in EMDR. I really like her. I do individual therapy one time a week and group 3 days a week. It happens that the days are Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Then I'm...
  2. loui50

    Ashamed of what I told T

    I admitted to my T that I binge eat. Of all the crazy shit I've told her, this I'm ashamed of. Like don't want to go back ashamed. Want to crawl in a hole ashamed. It's nothing she said or did. It's all on me. I feel like I should have more self control and I'm embarrassed. I don't know...
  3. loui50

    Night terror, hit my husband

    So I had a nightmare last night that I was being chased by a police dog. I tried to punch the dog but I couldn't move my arm. Finally my arm moved and I punched the dog. Then my husband woke me up and was asking why I hit him. This has never happened before. Is this normal? I'm scared of...
  4. loui50

    MVA Witnessed a horrible accident, flashbacks already!

    I've had PTSD for 16 years. 2 days ago I witnessed a horrible accident. A young man riding a bicycle rode into traffic and was hit by a car. He laid in the street seizing as cars just drove by. I stopped and stayed with the lady that hit him as another bystander was with him. It wasn't the...
  5. loui50

    Discussing dreams with Therapist

    So my PTSD comes from multiple traumas the 1st of which is childhood abuse. I fairly certain I have repressed memories of sexual abuse. Lately I've been having very graphic dreams of me being raped. I want to discuss these dreams with my therapist but I'm scared. I'm scared to actually say...
  6. loui50

    A letter to my stepfather

    So my therapy assignment was to write a letter to my stepfather who abused me. I wanted to share it and hopefully get some feedback before I have to read it out loud in therapy. Let me just start with I hate you! You hurt me! You were mean. Your wants and needs always came first and you...
  7. loui50

    Just depressed

    So I'm really struggling right now. I'm depressed and very anxious. I have a lot going on and just really need some support. I tried ECT treatment about a month ago and I only got through 9 of the 12 treatments. As the treatment went on I became more and more anxious about the treatment. It...
  8. loui50

    Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)

    My doctor and therapist have recommended ect for me. Has anyone gone through this that can share what the experience is like?
  9. loui50

    Forgotten Therapy

    I saw a therapist when I was 14 years old. I dont remember a single conversation I had with him. I believe I saw him for a year. Why cant I remember? I know I was treated for depression. But I want to know what we talked about. Is there anything normal about this. There is so much in my...
  10. loui50

    Suicidal Ideation, poor coping skills

    So I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately. Not that I want to die, I just can't stop thinking about it. I have ended many panic attacks in my life by telling myself, I can always just kill myself if it gets too bad. I need better coping skills! I've talked to T about this in the past...
  11. loui50

    Dissociation during Therapy, how does T react.

    I just recently started dissociating in therapy. How does your T address this? My T said we will have to address it as it happens but did not elaborate. Curious what to expect. Dissociation for me is that I feel like I'm floating, get tunnel vision and cant process auditory input. I can...
  12. loui50

    I hate feeling needy, 2x a week appointments?

    Ok, I see t 1 time a week. Last week I had 2 issues I needed to talk about. We talked about one and ran out of time. She said we would talk about the other this week, which is fine. But...I need to talk about both again and know we will run out of time again. Is it wrong or needy to ask to...
  13. loui50

    Is T uncomfortable??

    So...in my last session with T she asked me at what point intimacy becomes uncomfortable. We've been talking about mine and my husbands intimacy issues for a couple of weeks. It is a very uncomfortable conversation for me and T knows this. However when she asked at what point it becomes...
  14. loui50

    Dissociation? Depersonalization?

    Is this Depersonalization? When I'm making love to my husband my body goes numb. Like physically numb. I can't feel anything in certain areas of my body. Well last night, we tried. I felt like I was sinking into the bed and just growing smaller and smaller. I just started crying. My...
  15. loui50

    difficulty with intimacy in marriage

    I don't know if this is the right place for this post as it is about my relationship and about Therapy. Sorry if it needs to be moved. Does anyone else have intimacy trouble with their spouse? I suspect I was molested as a very young child. I have no concrete memories but I do have...
  16. loui50

    Trazodone for sleep and nightmares

    Has anyone taken Trazodone for sleep and nightmares? I've only been on it for 3 nights, but the nightmares seem worse. I'm staying asleep better and the nightmares aren't waking me, but I'm definitely still having them. Also today I got really dizzy and a little nauseous. Should I just give...
  17. loui50

    T wants to talk to husband's T

    My t and my husband's t work in the same office. My t keeps asking for permission to talk to his t. I'm not comfortable with it and keep saying no. Would I be over stepping my bounds to ask her to quit asking. It really makes me uncomfortable. I'm open to having a session together. But not...
  18. loui50

    Had ime for disability renewal, feeling down

    So I had my IME for my disability renewal yesterday and I'm feeling really shook up. Talking about everything to someone I don't even know was hard. I forgot when I got my masters degree, how old my kids were, and I'm sure some other things. At the end of the interview the lady was like, it's...
  19. loui50

    Scared that alcohol helps anxiety

    So I was on vacation last week and came to the realization that 1 drink helps my anxiety more than my meds do. This scares me. I'm actually fighting not to have a beer. I use to drink maybe 1 time a month but now I want it every day for relief. I know this type of self medicating is harmful...
  20. loui50

    Anxiety is winning again

    My anxiety is so high and I cant get passed it. I've had about 4 good weeks where I've been able to manage things. Then I had t yesterday and now I'm a mess. We didn't even talk about anything too deep. We did talk about my mom and how she is essentially unavailable like she has been my...
  21. loui50

    Can't talk to t about nightmare

    I have nightmares almost every night and usually don't remember them. The one I remember from 2 days ago is this. I was a teenager in the dream. An older man kept slapping me on the butt (something my step dad use to do). I was begging him to stop (something i use to do) and the other...
  22. loui50

    Feeling abandonment coming - husband & therapist out of town for 2 weeks.

    My t and my husband will be out of town at the same time in 2 weeks. The anticipatory anxiety im experiencing right now is horrible. Every time my husband or my t are gone i feel this way, but both at once feels unbearable. I dont know what to do. I have 2 kids to take care of alone for the...
  23. loui50

    Slowing down in therapy

    I think I need to tell T we need to slow down. I'm so depressed. T said I would feel bad after our sessions talking about my childhood but I expected to bounce back after the day and go on with life between session. Instead I'm having flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and I'm severely...
  24. loui50

    Telling t the good stuff

    Do you spend time during your session talking about what's going right in life? Or do you go right into working on your issues in your t session?
  25. loui50

    Parenting with ptsd

    Do you ever feel that your PTSD makes you a bad parent? I feel like my anxiety holds my kids back. We have no friends. We go out as a family and do things like the zoo, chuck e cheese and such almost every weekend. But never with other kids. My 6 year old has autism and I'm scared to take...
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