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    Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

    Hi @krisss, Here is my opinion of what I think you should do - nothing. Do nothing. Be in your pain for a while. Heal and figure out what you need to learn and to grow from this experience, wish him well and forgiveness in your heart, and then get on with your life. He sounds very young and...
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    Relationship Boundaries

    I think this is key. This is something that I do routinely and not at all consciously the first six or so episodes. But over the last six months this is exactly what I have been doing. When these breaks or isolation periods happen, I have come to realize it brings up huge issues from my past for...
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    Relationship Trying to understand isolation

    Unfortunately no one can tell you what she is thinking but you might get some insight in the supporter discussion area in the thread called what are they thinking. Lots of insightful stuff there. Also a lot of insightful posts in the thread about cognitive distortion I think in this forum or...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    Sure you can answer! Much appreciated. Yeah, I can see the need for time and space to reflect and sort it all out. That makes total sense. For me and on my side of things , the amount of time it takes can be agonizing! Your post here is a good reminder to me that time and space is very much...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    Freida, do you come to a place later when you realize you were triggered? Sorry if I've asked you this before, I feel like I might have. If you do come to that place, are you then able to see it wasn't about the milk at all but something you need to work on?
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    Exactly! We have our own baggage and our own stuff we bring to these situations that make us react in ways that, while natural and understandable, are soooo not helpful! I hear ya and feel ya, Hojay! Just trying to get answers and skills to just not make things worse while also hoping to have...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    He describes how after a stress response (Maybe some bad behavior) when the person comes "back to reality" they look for something or someone to blame for their reaction. "I did that because you were 10 minutes late," kind of thing. This is common in my situation unfortunately. The book is...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    I am just now reading about this in The Body Keeps the Score. Do you have this one @Hojay?
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    Relationship I may have overflowed his cup!!??

    I agree with Sweetpea. Also, no reason for you to feel guilty. Maybe when he has gotten his space and is "back to normal" he will tell you what's going on.
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    Relationship I may have overflowed his cup!!??

    What is he doing that is "flight mode?"
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    Relationship First time he’s isolated like this and i feel anxious

    I'm sorry you are feeling anxious. Totally understandable. Sounds like you are doing all you can to help alleviate that feeling. Meditating is good. Watching mindless t.v. . Reading. Anything to help you NOT think of him. He is doing what he needs to do for himself now and if he is online on...
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    Relationship Your stress and your sufferers stress?!

    @Brturner13 You write here you are not ok with him standing you up, but you texted him that you are not only ok with it, but you are there when he is ready to talk. You are putting yourself last here. Making it all ok for him to blow you off and come back to you whenever he feels like it and...
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    Relationship Need to vent

    Thanks for sharing your vent @Murphy17. I know what you mean about reading and learning and still being caught off guard and blindsided by the behavior as if you had never read a thing. Yes, it's because we have feelings and our own stuff that comes up too. It's because there are two people in...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    It does make a lot of sense, thank you.
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    So if I were your friend or in some type of relationship with you, and some conflict arose between us and i felt that I needed to talk to you about it, are you able to tell me the best way to do that with you without you getting triggered or so you won't fly away? Also, what do you do to deal...
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    If someone is triggered by conflict can they also have a cognitive distortion around that as you wrote above @lostforgottensoul - "she thinks I'm a horrible person "
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    Relationship Can we talk about cognitive distortion?

    Is that a thing, being triggered by conflict? Or is it common?
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    General Another 3 year push-pull story (also long)

    Wow @ThorDogofThunder pur situation and stories are so similar. Even down to all I have wanted is to work out something that would work for both of us, i.e., not breaking up every time but rather just declare a time out nor something! I should DM you!
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    Relationship Ended things, a few days after his therapy session.

    This adds a bit of a twist to things. He said these things to you?
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    Relationship Army boyfriend ptsd

    I third that. All attempts to communicate with him probably making things worse. He warned you he would go MIA. Doesn't make it feel any hetter, but at least you know this is what he does. With that knowledge, maybe you can work with that.
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    Relationship Ended things, a few days after his therapy session.

    Whether or not it's PTSD doesn't really matter does it? If he is not attracted, he is not attracted. No two ways about that. I know that must really hurt you. I'm sorry you have to hear that from someone you love. But the only thing you can do now is to leave him be if it is causing you so...
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    General Another 3 year push-pull story (also long)

    I also want to add that we can't always assume it's their stress cup playing into this if we can't see them or know what is going on with them.
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    General Another 3 year push-pull story (also long)

    You have been going through this a very long time. I think the distance plays a big factor. Makes it easier for him to pull away and not maintain or cultivate a relationship. It is difficult. As you have seen, every time you are with him your feelings grow and your expectations return. If I...
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    General Supporter in year three of push-pull (long, sorry!)

    I'm so sorry. I know how painful the whole thing is. Please do take care of yourself and move forward out of this situation. I hope it will be an easy process for you.
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    Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

    There is no reason for you not to wait. Also still should be lighthearted. As in, oh haha, looks like we are seated next to each other at the wedding. Are you going to be ok with That? Also, sorry I just read in one of your first posts here you asked me to DM you and I missed that one. Sorry...
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