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  1. K

    The PTSD Jacket Removal

    Hi guys, I hope you're are all doing well and are having a nice day/night. :) Please forgive me if I don't make much sense, but... Lately it feels as though I've lost myself to PTSD. The best way to describe it is I feel like an empty shell; just flowing, no identity to latch on to. Many...
  2. K

    Nothing seems to matter

    Hi guys, I... don't even know how to start this. A few days ago, I called my abuser to finally offer my forgiveness and move on. Make amends for being rude to him the last time we spoke. I was angry at how dismissive he was being when I'd asked him why he'd done what he did to me. His...
  3. K

    The split of a man

    I'm honestly not sure how to talk about this. Recently, my depression has become so, so bad. I feel like it's scraping away pieces of my humanity and all that's left of me is an empty shell. I'm a guy. I always feel bad for crying. It's not often I do, but I feel like I need to. Does that even...
  4. K

    Guilt: the sins of the abuser transferring to the abused

    I don't know if anyone else can relate to how I feel. But it's awful. If anyone has dealt with their abuser passing away, does it feel like all of their sins were passed on to you? Like you feel responsible for the things they have done. On some level, it feels like it's your responsibility to...
  5. K

    Feeling Dirty While Others Aren't

    Can anyone else relate to this? I have been feeling so bad lately, that it's hard to wrap my brain around this. After so much abuse, I feel dirty. I don't feel innocent. When I meet someone or try to make friends, I see and feel their "rare innocence" and feel like I don't belong because I'm...
  6. K

    Numb and detached/dissociated

    Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well. :) Things haven't been looking so well for me lately. It's been a tough month for me, being the "anniversary" of when my abuser did what he did to me. Lately, especially in the past month, it's like.... I can't explain it. I feel detached. Like I'm just...
  7. K

    Regression, childhood

    I don't know if any of you can shed some light on this, but I hope you can provide some advice, feedback, support, etc. Anything. I'm an adult in my mid-20s. As a child, I experienced S.A (s. abuse) and physical/emotional abuse. Several months ago, I experienced something similar. Ever since...
  8. K

    Nightmares challenge avoidance?

    I'm having nightmares of this man I've never seen before, and in these nightmares, he is my abuser's friend. The thing about these nightmares is that they feel like memories, as they are very specific. Back in trauma therapy a year ago, when this happened, I avoided talking about those...
  9. K

    How to talk to a therapist about a traumatic event?

    Okay, so I've spoken to my therapist about my childhood S.A. However, I did not tell her that I only remembered my abuse because I witnessed something traumatic and similar happen to someone else. The thought of telling her this second bit scares me a little more than telling her about the...
  10. K

    DID Information gathering/understanding d.i.d.

    Hi guys, I'm a bit conflicted and would like some opinions. I see my therapist weekly and we've discussed my dissociation episodes where I used to go by different names and act differently. Here's where things get confusing. Initially, I told my therapist that I started remembering my abuse...
  11. K

    Possible Sleep Paralysis

    Tonight would be one of the most frightening moments I've had since my child abuse. I don't like self-diagnosing, as I find it unhealthy, but I simply did a Google search on the symptoms and Sleep Paralysis is what came up. There are several things that I feel conflicted about, here: my...
  12. K

    Befriending Your Abuser Within Nightmares

    I'm not sure what this nightmares means in terms of my PTSD or abuse but I have this nightmare where the adult version of myself sits down with my abuser and watches him abuse the little version of myself, giving him a hug for doing so, afterwards. Then, my abuser, after the hug, stabs me with a...
  13. K

    Being Submissive As An Adult After Child Abuse & Management Of Adhd

    I have never discussed this with my therapist mainly because it's something that scares me. A year ago, I had this abusive therapist, who, after I told about my abuse, said that I was just a bad as my abuser. She told me I was a liar who just wanted therapists to feel sorry for me. She told me...
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