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  1. MyWillow

    How to remember more of your therapy session?

    6 months of no memories of therapy. That was my intro. Too much too soon is my lesson learnt. Referred to a psydoc who taught me to put on the brakes first. Not to say there weren’t some dreadful slips that left me shaken for hours or required us to walk outside the office for much of the...
  2. MyWillow

    Jumbling up words when trying to recall a traumatic memory

    Front brain goes off line. Reptilian survival brain kicks in. Academic, smart professional to mute in nanoseconds. Envelope things? Pillow slips apparently.
  3. MyWillow

    How to be honest with your therapist?

    My psydoc (weekly T) asks much more challenging questions than my psychologist (now Equine) ever has. So it may not be you but the skill set of your T.
  4. MyWillow

    DID is it possible to control or isolate some did/osdd switches?

    My psydoc (weekly T) reminds me that it will always pass. Always. She’s right but it is so good to be reminded of it when I’m triggered.
  5. MyWillow

    Childhood Body Memory? - Suggestions for how to make my body not feel hijacked every night by flashbacks? Or how to stop reliving CSA in my nightmares?

    It’s awful isn’t it. The best advice my psydoc (weekly T) has is to reassure my body that I’m listening and that I’m going to provide comfort. Wrap my arms around my body. What I need is often to curl up under the doona with my cats and dogs but sometimes I need to get up and have an iced drink...
  6. MyWillow

    How are you taking care of your mental health during this global pandemic times?

    The relief I feel to be forced into isolation and working from home makes me realise just how much I’m triggered by people. I’ve got a strengthening plan from my physio (3 x week), going to walk my older dog (2 x week) and exercise/train all 3 dogs and 2 puppies every day. I’m going to try to...
  7. MyWillow

    Therapy - when do you stop?

    Wow. Tough question. The thing you need to remember is that you have a CHOICE now. You can take a break. See how you cope without therapy. Or without intense therapy. Without dredging up the past. I’m starting to realise I’ll likely never stop being triggered. But I can be kinder to myself when...
  8. MyWillow

    I'm scared I will never be able to tell someone everything

    My psydoc reminds me that I don’t have to remember. I don’t have to describe in words. She teaches me that self-compassion is more important than anything. But yes, talking and more importantly FEELING is the key.
  9. MyWillow

    do most people who have ptsd wake themselves up screaming?

    I go to sleep no problems. But I wake up in a panic multiple times a night. Sometimes every 20 mins. If I can get enough awareness I’ll get up and have an icy drink of water. Otherwise I try to process whatever I remember.
  10. MyWillow

    Self care but how?!?!? What do you do after therapy to not feel so... crummy?

    I go to bed and my dogs and cats pile themselves around me. It’s nurturing and comforting. Sometimes a cup of tea and toast with butter is another comfort. I can sleep for several hours no problem. When I wake up I will usually stay in bed but catch up on any work as I work from home on that...
  11. MyWillow

    Therapists - What has been your therapist experience?

    One psychologist (who I now do equine therapy with every 3 weeks) who referred me to a psychiatrist who, unusually, I see for weekly therapy. Both I like but the latter is much more experienced. Sessions are never not challenging, draining and exhausting - I pretty much go to bed for the rest of...
  12. MyWillow

    Holidays and (no) Therapy

    Funnily enough my equine T is lovely but my psydoc is much more skilled. I would still be a mess if not for her. So it’s definitely about skill set as well as setting.
  13. MyWillow

    Holidays and (no) Therapy

    I see my psydoc weekly and my equine psychologist every 3 weeks - roughly. So when one is away I can fall back on the other. It works really well.
  14. MyWillow

    Flashbacks

    Everyone is different. PTSD is not a cookie cutter disorder. Accepting your own body’s coping mechanisms is the hardest step.
  15. MyWillow

    Physical flash backs advise?

    Self soothing is so important. My psydoc encourages me to hug myself, stroke my arms like I would my dogs and cats, and acknowledge the pain but assure my body that I will protect it. Finishing the story how you wished you had is also very empowering. Terrifying but empowering.
  16. MyWillow

    Repeating therapy... when do you give up?

    I don’t like the concept of a particular therapeutic approach. PTSD ain’t that simple. I think a good therapist is one who has a bunch of tools in their toolbox and then TEACHES you those tools. My psydoc is my weekly therapist (yup not cheap!) but she has given me tools that empower ME. She is...
  17. MyWillow

    Dissociation......how do you come back and focus?

    Cuddling my cats and dogs, heavy blankets, walking (seeing, touching, feeling and smelling leaves and flowers), talking about or imagining a lovely memory, sharing a special photo/video with my psydoc...
  18. MyWillow

    General Volunteering and helping other people - can it be a symptom of ptsd?

    Spent my whole life placating, helping, supporting others. Saying “I need” is enough to trigger me. Slowly making progress with the help of my psydoc and equine psychologist. So much of my volunteering is like I’m trying to pay back all the animals I’ve witnessed being abused.
  19. MyWillow

    Unprompted apology from a therapist

    My psydoc apologised for triggering me but said that she was glad she could be there for me. To my absolute surprise - shaking, crying, dissociated - I replied that so was I. It was always my fault so this was extremely powerful.
  20. MyWillow

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Terrified. That I can admit that is....terrifying.
  21. MyWillow

    Does anyone find that the mindfulness techniques worsens their PTSD symptoms?

    Tried Trauma Sensitive Yoga for 18 months. Denied how triggering it was (no idea why it was) until it culminated in shaking and tears for I don’t know how long. Took another hour of walking and every grounding technique I could think of before I could drive home. There’s a time and a place but...
  22. MyWillow

    Trauma therapy: how do you take the first step?

    I think it’s different for everyone. I’m kinda still in denial after 2.5 years. Successful professional that I am. I don’t have clear memories to explain my responses. Lots of flashbacks. But it MUST start with safety. And I struggle to define that - because I really like my psychologist but I...
  23. MyWillow

    Ourselves pre- and post-trauma

    For me the struggle is that I don’t have a “pre”. That has always been my normal. Hence I struggle to accept my experiences as traumatising. So knowing what “post” looks like is a total WTAF moment.
  24. MyWillow

    Do you look for chaos?

    Being selfish, self-centered and ungrateful was exactly what came up with my psydoc this week. I push myself to go to work whatever it takes and then crash out the instant I get home.
  25. MyWillow

    Do you look for chaos?

    Oh fortunately I have no free to air TV reception and am very selective about what I watch. It’s the sitting quietly that does it. Yes audiobooks have been absolutely wonderful for me.
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