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  1. L

    Poll Color Or Black-And-White Dreams?

    I have never remembered any of my dreams. I think I may have remembered some when I was younger, but now, nothing. I'm starting to get some now, but they're just a disjointed jumble. Sometimes black and white, sometimes color.
  2. L

    Chicago, IL.

    It doesn't seem like it right now, but in another month or so, the early bulbs will be up at the Botanical Gardens. I always like heading out there as soon as things are coming up just to verify that we're finally done with winter.
  3. L

    PTSD/ Touch

    I hate people touching me. If someone tries to put their hands on my neck or shoulders, I have an almost instinctual response to drive my elbow into their solar plexus or grab their arm and take them over my shoulder in an ippon seoi-nage. For years, I'd always have to worry about my sister...
  4. L

    How Do You Cope?

    I do lots of physical exercise. I'm on the rowing machine in the morning, lifting weights in the evening, pushing around a weight sled on the weekends. I'll also work on math or logic puzzles. Having to sit there and focus on the problem and work it through keeps me busy and distracted.
  5. L

    Do People Fake PTSD?

    God, why would people want to talk about it and admit it? I have a hard time even agreeing with my therapist that I have it. I always feel like I'm failing myself because I can't hold all in anymore. I always think "Why would people think that they can get sympathy for admitting this?" I...
  6. L

    Fight Or Flight Response

    Is it a "fight" response or an anger response? For me, my fight response isn't and never was emotional. It's a very disconnected state, where I'm aware of what's going on and what I need to do, but I'm not invested in it or the outcome. Like I know what I need to do to take out the other guy...
  7. L

    Tattooing As An "Acceptable" Form Of Self-Harm

    I think that there's a connection between the pain involved in cutting/self-harm and the pain involved in tattooing, at least for some people. But there's a lot of ways people can harm themselves in ways that are "acceptable". People never even blinked once when I was willing to step into the...
  8. L

    Has Your Abuser Ever Tried To Be Your Friend

    I know what you mean. I can keep enough of a facade up between what I'm really going through and my parents that they think everything's fine. I suspect that if I told them the truth, that I really don't think of them as my parents and that I don't have any sort of connection beyond some sense...
  9. L

    Chicago, IL.

    I'm up around Arlington Heights. I also work downtown during the week. I've just started working through all of this, but I've always been really isolated and aloof. I'm also a lot nicer than I look, I just find it easier to look intimidating and then people keep away from you.
  10. L

    Putting The Pieces Back Together

    How do you pull all the pieces of yourself back together? When it was all going on, I learned to split the feelings apart, to break everything into different pieces or modes. You know, I pushed the fear into one part over here, the anger into another part, the sadness into another. Over time...
  11. L

    Memory Loss - Not Sure What To Do

    Aine, I forget things all the time. Every so often, I'll loose an entire weekend, where I have no idea what I did just a few days later. I write a lot of notes to myself. I've also found with the bigger projects that breaking them down into smaller projects, like 1-2 days long helps keep me...
  12. L

    I Can't Keep Burying It

    Thank you. I always just keep telling myself that I need to get harder, make myself stronger and it'll go away. People wonder how I'm able to keep pushing so hard at the gym. I know if I push my way through the routine or the last rep, I'd get there. Some days it seems like it's working...
  13. L

    I Can't Keep Burying It

    I've known for a long time that there was something there, I've just never known what it was. I've been trying for years to push it all down and keep it buried deep inside me. I seem to have cycles, where I'll be able to just keep an empty void and just push everything into it and have it fall...
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