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  1. M

    Can You Really Forgive Your Abusers?

    Living in the now is possible. :) Yeah, it is work. Boy, is it. Good work, though. I am moving forward, and wish you strength in doing the same. Thanks for your wishes! Be well, Jess.
  2. M

    Can You Really Forgive Your Abusers?

    @jess_trustno1 the kindness here is self-kindness. :) Wishing you peace, Mary p.s. For what it's worth, I also see accepting an apology as separate from being made whole (with one exception*) or giving anyone a second chance. An apology is exactly like someone saying, "I know I owe you money"...
  3. M

    Can You Really Forgive Your Abusers?

    Yes. I really forgive them. I did it as fast as I could after my understanding of forgiveness changed radically. I used to think of forgiveness as somehow being ok with what happened or maybe I'm not mad at them anymore or something. Nope! A new definition came to me while I was thinking about...
  4. M

    Hoping It's Not Just Me

    Oh! Get a self-help book on or ask your T about Internal Family Systems therapy. :)
  5. M

    Holding It Together

    I am under stress and holding it together, but I am tired, and I feel the explosions of chemicals in my head so close, held by a dam that sometimes gives way. I want my mind to feel clean and sharp. I want there to be nothing behind the dam for a while. That's it.
  6. M

    Relationship Struggles

    Yes. I haven't yet. I'm getting ready to work on that. *deep breath* :) Mary
  7. M

    Relationship Why Is He So Mean? Please Help Me Understand...

    @alise06 , you are so right that it is your choice who and what you deserve. You sound capable, confident and differentiated. You asked, "What does that mean?" when he says he doesn't deserve you and that you should move on. What I hear in those statements of his are helplessness, shame and...
  8. M

    Nightmares Are A Constant...

    I also struggle with nightmares and persistent pre-sleep thoughts. Things that help me in order of how much they changed things for me, from least to greatest: I bought Tranquil Turtle. [url]http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=56091 Don't laugh. I am not alone (check out the...
  9. M

    Taking A List To Therapy

    Lists are great. Go for it!
  10. M

    What If The Meds And Therapy Don't Work?

    I did not medicate, so I can't speak to that, but maybe there is something in my experience for you. I tried so many things, threw away many, and kept many. For me, the shift from acute PTSD was tiny and gradual--barely perceptible (in fact, because the sleeplessness over months and months made...
  11. M

    Frustrated!!

    Joel: Wow! I am so impressed by your survivor spirit. I can see from what and how you wrote about your situation that you are wicked strong in the face of serious, prolonged challenges. Macho culture puts forward the fantasy that people (especially men, but also women in traditionally male...
  12. M

    The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

    Congrats! Sounds like you are in a good place of self-acceptance. :) Did you do Internal Family Systems therapy?
  13. M

    Progress

    The pain in my body was relieved by massage, practicing asanas (the physical positions of yoga) and getting help from my chiropractor. One problem I had was tingling in my arms that was sometimes painful. My massage therapist massaged my arms and could not relieve it. My chiropractor figured out...
  14. M

    Brain Suffering

    I had a bad night in the end. I called a friend who helped me distract my brain out of fight or flight. I was exhausted. It was hard to drag myself into work the next day. Very early on, my boss called me into his office. He told me why he was frustrated with me. He told me why he was...
  15. M

    How Do I Communicate?

    I was severely stressed into panic attacks by a certain activity in my Kung fu class. This was before I knew about my PTSD. My teacher gently took me aside and did other things during those exercises. I have since discovered that he has PTSD as well. I suspect he knew or sensed what was going on.
  16. M

    Brain Suffering

    So, today my boss told me I was "wasting time". He often tells me this when I am working on something and he can hear me on the phone/see me doing things, and it is usually triggered by me needing some answer from him. I have been working on this project for a couple of hours when he snapped at...
  17. M

    Brene Brown Ted Talks About Vulnerability

    Maybe the connection is that EMDR involves opening up really tender places/experiences and Brene Brown talks a lot about the power and balance of people who allow themselves to be vulnerable? I love Brene Brown's TED talk, "The Power of Vulnerability", but I like to apply cool ideas like hers...
  18. M

    Sufferer Abusive Relationship And Soul-body Disintegration

    Hi. Sorry for your suffering. I also feel broken in a core way around relationships that related to a harmful lack of trusting myself in the context of a romantic relationship. I definitely felt the loss of self. I am getting access to more...erm...let's say "Self energy". One of the tools I am...
  19. M

    A Bright Future?

    Thank you. That is fortifying.
  20. M

    A Bright Future?

    Ok. I hear where you are coming from. For me right now a bright future would mean that I might never again in my life have to face persistent, sustained terror and pain. It seems like it is unrealistic to think that I have "beat" this back once and for all. Because of other things in my life I...
  21. M

    Panic Attacks - Can They Cause Trauma?

    Reframing my experience with panic attacks helped me turn my life around. Because of the different natures of different parts of our brains (some parts have language, some do not, all are engaged in this painful brain experience), I used both language (changing thoughts) and sensory (grounding)...
  22. M

    Sufferer Diagnosed And Hating It!!!

    Hi, Tim. I also did not think I would feel good again. Not ever. I particularly missed feeling joy, which was just gone. But the joy came back! It took time and work. I love the feeling of joy so much! I am glad I tolerated the pain long enough (years for me) to feel joy regularly back in my...
  23. M

    A Bright Future?

    During a lifetime of suffering, I got closer and closer to understanding what was happening to my mind and body. Anxiety, panic attacks, and then after really being strung out on stress for years (3? 4? Memory from that time is poor due to constant fight or flight state) to an extreme beyond...
  24. M

    Share Your Tips On How To Sleep Better

    Sleep in large hammock. I like the feeling of the hammock around my body. I used to have a queen bed and switched to a twin, but I still felt like I was...erm...spilling out everywhere. Like all the emotions and stress could move too easily in and out of me. In the hammock, I am safe and...
  25. M

    Understanding The Permanant-"on" State

    I have an update on the tingling arms. I am rarely "on" now, though I do spiral on occasion. In my more-or-less "off" state, I do sometimes feel some burning in my arms. What has helped me counteract the arm tingling is to stretch that minor pectoral muscle (note that this is also an issue for...
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