Hi everyone.
I'm new on here so not sure where to post this or how this all works.
I was a victim of a violent stranger rape in may last year and I have no memory of the event as I was blacked out drunk to this day I do not know my rapist.
It was reported and was due to go to court. In January of this year I decided to pull out of court proceedings as I couldn't handle the ordeal.
I also started to feel guilty towards the rapist as he was 19 and I am 27. I hoped he made an a bad decision due to his age. And blame myself for the whole thing.
I had some time of work when it first happened it was all over the news etc. I decided to go back to work 2 weeks later.
4 weeks later I was dumped by my current boyfriend. He had been my main support for the first 4 weeks. I hadn't come to terms with anything at that stage I hasn't cried.
When he left I had a complete breakdown and had more time off work.
I then threw myself into sport for the next 6 months going to the gym and diet. I was painfully thin.
I didn't drink after the event. But after 6 months obsessing over the gym I started drinking and dating and Tring to get on with my life.
I can only describe it as being numb. Not talking about the event just referring to it as "last year"
Recently I have been smoking weed and not thinking about it but still going to work etc.
I went to a theropist as I had a random cry one evening in my car for no reason.
I went to see a CBT theropist and he identified that I am superssing the event which is why I feel numb and he has referred me to a counsellor instead.
What I find weird is I was doing really well. Feels like one step forward 5 back???
I cried a lot when I saw the theropist. That heart renching crying when u start to feel panicy.
I have felt emotional and can feel myself blocking off thoughts.
Is this normal I feel like I should be over it by now
I'm new on here so not sure where to post this or how this all works.
I was a victim of a violent stranger rape in may last year and I have no memory of the event as I was blacked out drunk to this day I do not know my rapist.
It was reported and was due to go to court. In January of this year I decided to pull out of court proceedings as I couldn't handle the ordeal.
I also started to feel guilty towards the rapist as he was 19 and I am 27. I hoped he made an a bad decision due to his age. And blame myself for the whole thing.
I had some time of work when it first happened it was all over the news etc. I decided to go back to work 2 weeks later.
4 weeks later I was dumped by my current boyfriend. He had been my main support for the first 4 weeks. I hadn't come to terms with anything at that stage I hasn't cried.
When he left I had a complete breakdown and had more time off work.
I then threw myself into sport for the next 6 months going to the gym and diet. I was painfully thin.
I didn't drink after the event. But after 6 months obsessing over the gym I started drinking and dating and Tring to get on with my life.
I can only describe it as being numb. Not talking about the event just referring to it as "last year"
Recently I have been smoking weed and not thinking about it but still going to work etc.
I went to a theropist as I had a random cry one evening in my car for no reason.
I went to see a CBT theropist and he identified that I am superssing the event which is why I feel numb and he has referred me to a counsellor instead.
What I find weird is I was doing really well. Feels like one step forward 5 back???
I cried a lot when I saw the theropist. That heart renching crying when u start to feel panicy.
I have felt emotional and can feel myself blocking off thoughts.
Is this normal I feel like I should be over it by now