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Other 120 degree southwest terror

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MrMoonlight

MyPTSD Pro
Some of my trauma has to do with a man burning my home down around me and my sleeping family at the age of 12 at 3am.

Yesterday I stood atop a ladder in my backyard watching with unobstructed view a helicopter and some air tanker drop water on a raging wildfire not 1 mile from my home. Firetrucks, sirens everything imaginable. I mean a very large FIRE covering miles of earth uncontrolled in the 120 degree heat with winds increasing.

But that terror of a day isn’t good enough for me. Guess I am here to really suffer.

Today I wake to a house filled with smoke and the sounds of panic-stricken screaming ‘THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!’..‘THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!! I came flying downstairs half naked in panic. Guess my screaming was funny sounding so someone laughed a bit at me. MAn that felt good, just the thing I need to hear. My TERROR is kinda funny…who f****** knew.

It was a forgotten hummingbird sugar water mix on the stove.

I exercised twice, took a shower and a bath 2 hours later, made 30 homemade burritos, fixed a yard transformer, got back on the treadmill…etc and cannot calm myself. I took a 2mg xanax that I avoided for the last 9 months…but even that isn't helping with this internal dialog. Doesn't feel like I have taken anything. 2mg should have been sufficient. I just got in my darkened room slipped into my bed which felt so good to be under the covers with big pillows around and sheets up to my nose with the door locked but cannot calm myself. Can’t take more xanax and don’t want to exacerbate the situation by too much MJ so I’m stuck with this I guess.

Just typing this to get it out of me. No need to force a reply. Thanks for reading…
 
Fires are scary as hell, and they can leave you paranoid for a very long time. Having a fire just 1 mile from your home is again, scary..... The stove thing might have pushed a completely mentally healthy person over the edge.

Give yourself a break.... remind yourself (if needed, every minute) that you are safe. Hang in there and this too shall pass....
 
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